The December Protocol

The holidays. They’re supposed to be magical, right? Filled with joy, twinkling lights, and... well, not wanting to duct-tape your spouse to a chair.

But let's be honest, for many couples, December can feel more like a pressure cooker than a winter wonderland. We discovered this the hard way, year after year, until we realized one of the biggest culprits: unspoken expectations.

Think about it: have you ever been secretly disappointed on Christmas morning because your stocking was... empty? Or maybe you poured your heart into decorating, only to feel deflated when your partner didn’t react with the same level of enthusiasm you'd built up in your head? (We've been there, more than once!)

We all carry a suitcase full of "shoulds" and "wants" into the holiday season. Some are conscious (like wanting to bake 300 cookies), but many are unconscious. We expect our spouse to magically know we want a specific type of gift, or that we need more help with the kids' activities, or even just a little extra appreciation. When these uncommunicated expectations aren't met, disappointment, frustration, and arguments inevitably follow.

That's why our "December Protocol" starts with expectations. It's about pulling those hidden "shoulds" out into the open before the stress takes over.

Here’s the simple truth: your spouse isn't a mind-reader. And you aren't either!

By talking about what you each really want, need, and expect from the holiday season—before it kicks into high gear—you can avoid those painful, "I thought you knew!" moments. It shifts the energy from silent resentment to proactive partnership.

Action Tip:

Grab your spouse, a warm drink, and carve out just 15-20 minutes. Start by asking each other:

"What's one thing you really hope for, or one thing you really want to avoid, this holiday season?"

Listen without judgment, and be honest about your own desires. It could be as simple as, "I really want one quiet evening at home with just us," or "I want to make sure we don't overspend this year." Uncovering these expectations now is the first step to a truly joyful holiday season.

Tune into Episodes 104 (and 105 releases Friday) of Marriage IQ to learn more!

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