Episode 14. From Taboo to Insight: One Couple’s Journey to Deep Intimacy
In this episode of the Marriage IQ podcast, we sat down for an intimate conversation with Dan and Emily Purcell, owners of Get Your Marriage On! They share valuable insights on enhancing intimacy and addressing sexual challenges within a marriage.
This episode highlights the importance of open and honest sexual communication, personal agency, and mutual understanding in cultivating a healthy and fulfilling marital relationship. Through candid discussions and relatable experiences, the Purcell's emphasized the significance of curiosity, maturity, and collaboration in fostering emotional and sexual intimacy. They provide practical insights and relatable experiences that can serve as a guide for couples looking to deepen their intimacy and address sexual challenges within their marriage.
Whether you're seeking to improve communication, enhance intimacy, or navigate conflicts within your relationship, this episode offers valuable guidance and relatable experiences that you won't want to miss.
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We recently sat down with Dan and Emily Purcell at the headquarters for get your marriage on. They've developed a program for couples focused on helping deepen the intimate connections for husbands and wives through a sex positive, intimacy based approach. We appreciate their vulnerability in sharing their story of what led them to be open to expanding their earlier narrow views of sex, then having the desire to share it with others in very tasteful ways. We hope you can learn from their story new ways to talk about intimacy and sex as a couple and even as a parent.00:00:46
Hi there, all you scintillating lovers out there, and welcome back. We're excited to have Dan Purcell join us. This is really our first foray into having a a guest on our podcast. And in case any of you are getting tired of hearing us just talking, we wanted to talk with someone else who has maybe a little bit different perspective and a little bit different take on marriage and marriage intimacy. So, Heidi, can you tell us a little bit about Dan?00:01:18
Sure. I'd be glad to. When I was in grad school, I was looking for unique marriage resources for people that maybe weren't ready to tap into therapy, but they needed some help with their marriages, and I found your app intimately us. I really liked that it gave tips for both emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy. And it did it in a way that wasn't kinky, it wasn't distasteful, it wasn't uncomfortable.00:01:49
And I noticed that you specifically targeted faith based and committed monogamous couples, which I then felt really comfortable sharing with my friends. When Scott and I started talking about who do we want to have as guests and how we want to structure this, we looked to our four foundational cornerstones of what we believe it takes to create a really solid, intelligent marriage. You were the first person I thought of because just the words intimately us popped into my head. So we have a little something for you. We have to admit, we looked at the app last night, and just in your honor.00:02:35
Oh, what's this? You're putting on lab coats?00:02:42
We didn't get here with our glasses, but just so our audience knows, we're putting on our lab coats. Mine says, doctor Hastings, PhD, which my kids get gave me when I graduated. And Scott says, family medicine plus, doctor Hastings. Yesterday on your app, the intimacy challenge said, take a picture of yourself wearing glasses and a lab coat and send it to your spouse with the caption, the doctor. The doctor will see you now.00:03:11
Our listening audience knows, and we'll share with you. And for any that are tuning in, for the first time, today that one of our four foundational cornerstones in creating an intelligent marriage is intimacy. Yet in my own research with lots of women and lots of women that I've talked to outside of my research, I keep hearing the same recurring theme and concern, that there's no connection between them and their husbands. Because of your app and because we see you as one of the leading people to use creative tools, we are really excited to start this discussion with you on intimacy and marriage. So welcome, Dan and Emily.00:03:57
Thank you. We're really glad to have you on today. Thanks so much for being with us. Would you take just a minute and tell us a little bit about yourselves? Sure.00:04:06
Thank you. So I grew up in a small town and happened to be that Dan moved in when he was 13, that same place. And we knew each other and met in middle school and went in the same group of friends all through high school. And we went off to different colleges and came home the same summer and reacquainted, and sparks went flying after. We spent every day together that summer, and we were married in the fall of that year.00:04:33
So we love to hear stories. So do you have anything to add to that, Dan? Yeah. Emily's always been super cute. I've just been shy.00:04:41
I've always admired her from afar. We went on a few dance dates and stuff like that in high school, but I'm grateful for that. One summer, you know, we hadn't seen each other for years. We had come home, and it was really nice to have a friend. And I think that's something about our story, that we have an unfair advantage in our marriage, is that it's not like we had met as adults.00:05:03
We met as youth, and so we kind of saw each other in our growing up moments. So we just had this foundation of friendship going into our marriage. In fact, when we were dating, my parents would tease me. Cause, like, oh, you should invite your girlfriend over for dinner. And, like, she's not my girlfriend.00:05:19
She's just Emily. Although deep down inside, I was so proud to call her my girlfriend. We know that Emily is a musician, which really brings a lovely element into a relationship. Dan is an entrepreneur, but together. I think what's really interesting is that the two of you have created get your marriage on.00:05:41
It's a business to help couples enhance their emotional and sexual intimacy in really healthy ways. I would guess that you two have created great intimacy within your own relationship. Has it always been that way? I'd say no. We're growing into this, and we still have a way to go.00:05:59
I really love your vulnerability. With that, would you share with us a little bit about your story of how your vision for get your marriage on came to be sure. So, to tell that, I think we need to back up a little bit, I'll share a little bit about my family growing up, and Emily could probably share a little about her family growing up. But I come from a good family. I know my parents loved each other.00:06:20
They'd go on dates together. They'd be affectionate towards each other. And I would say we had a great positive role model in our home. But when it came to sex specifically, not a lot was discussed. I mean, we had the birds and the bees talk, so I knew how babies were made, so biological reproduction was understood.00:06:38
And coming from a conservative home, we also were taught the thou shalt not conversations. So I knew that sex can be dangerous. I know there can be problems with misuse of sexuality, but was absent, which I didn't realize then, but I realize now was, what about the positive, the benefits? How about how to build a great sexual relationship that you're both happy to participate in? It's the pleasure conversation that was absent.00:07:07
Unknowingly. I had inherited a lot of anxiety about sex coming into marriage. And in my family growing up, we talked a lot about spiritual matters. It was a very gospel centered home. I probably put a lot of my character based on our gospel principles.00:07:29
And it came with quite a few standards. And at first, those standards were just, you're obedient because you have to do the right thing. But further on into my life, I took on those standards and chose for myself not just what the letter of the law said, but I took it upon myself to go even yet a step further, to say, this is what I am choosing for myself. This is what I want for me. And I think that really helped me step into my.00:08:00
I had a vision of what marriage was intended for. I believe that marriage is eternal. So it's not just what's happening right now, today, this life, but this is something that is foundational for forever. And it's going to impact not only my life, but all of my children, all of my family. It's very impactful.00:08:21
And so I was pretty strict for myself on what kind of standards I wanted to make my marriage that special. So, Emily, it sounds to me like you really were tapping into who you are as a woman and being very intentional about your relationship and sexual choices, rather than just acting in ways because your husband expected it or because you felt like it was your duty. You really chose for yourself, and that is really insightful. So how did that lead to get your marriage on, then? We've had a good marriage.00:08:58
We go on dates together. We're pretty good at communicating. We're pretty good at laughing together and commiserating together when things got really difficult. And we've definitely are no exception. We've had our fair share of real challenges and sex and intimacy.00:09:15
Sexual intimacy specifically has been an area where we just didn't talk a lot about it. We're both really anxious, so avoiding it was the best solution. And it's not that we didn't have questions. It's that we didn't think it was right to talk about these things because no one talks about it. It's a taboo topic.00:09:34
Do they have the language or the permission? But, Dan, do you mean permission or do you mean example or a model? Good modeling, maybe? Yeah, good modeling, too. But also, I'm busy as an entrepreneur.00:09:47
My head's in work a lot, and Emily is busy raising her children. So we have found convenient ways to nothing directly confront this topic in our marriage. Until about 13 years into our marriage, I had a conversation with a friend, and this friend opened up to me about his sex life, and I was not expecting this. I was completely blindsided by this conversation. And he was telling me about all the fun things he and his wife were doing in bed and out of bed.00:10:18
They're an adventurous couple, and I guess the best way to describe is morbid curiosity, like, ooh, gross, tell me more. Right. But the reason why he was telling me these things wasn't to boast. He's not trying to show off or say anything. He's being really sincere.00:10:34
He's like, dan. Once my wife and I got our sexual relationship figured out and dialed in, the bond between us, and our marriage just became so much stronger. He went on to say all these benefits that he's having in life, a side result of having a better sexual relationship, and he had something I didn't have. I wanted that. I wanted that adventurous, creative energy flowing in my marriage that he and his wife seemed to have.00:11:01
And I wanted to venture. I've been married 13 years. I'm ready for, you know, something to change, too. Yet I had to confront. This is an aspect of a relationship we just don't talk about.00:11:13
This is a hard thing for us to really address. So I came home from work that night and feeling pretty hot and heavy for Emily because I've been thinking about this all day. After the kids went to bed, you know, it was around 09:00 at night. Like, hey, you'll never guess what kind of conversation I had with so and so today. And she was right.00:11:33
She would never have guessed it. One aspect of the conversation was in my friend's marriage. I'm just guessing here. In their marriage dynamic, his wife is the one with higher sexual desire. And she came to him and said, you're not a good enough lover.00:11:48
I'm not satisfied in bed. You need to up your game. And he was offended to hear that from his wife at first, but got over his pride and then really figured out how to be a better lover. And that's when things really improved for them. So now I was self conscious, what if I'm not a good lover?00:12:04
And Emily just has been so polite and hasn't told me. So that was the heavy question, like, what if I'm a horrible lover? And. Right. I want to know, like, is she satisfied in bed?00:12:14
Is she happy with these things? And what about all these other things that I just learned about that couples do that we don't do? What do you think about these things? So that's how I was going into this conversation. It brought in a long conversation, for sure.00:12:29
What I'm hearing here is our third cornerstone is insight, right? And Dan was curious about what else is out there that can be approved. And he took that curiosity to the next level. That's what helped him wonder, is there something that I can do better? That in of itself is insight, which is amazing and increasingly rare these days.00:12:53
Yeah, that's true. It's just so hard to find insight. And so when I heard stories like this, just a desire to change, that's where the money is, and that's where that insight, that's the third cornerstone, which, I mean, they all go together. But just listening to both of your stories and applying it to some of these cornerstones and how you're able to take these steps and move forward is really exciting, and I think it can be a kind of a template for a lot of our listeners as well. So, Emily, how did you feel when he came home and shared this information with you?00:13:28
You said that it was a long conversation. Yeah. You know, it took me by surprise that, oh, okay. That's not what I expected to be doing at work, but it really. It opened up my mind and my heart, and I just like how I had previously in my life just decided this marriage is most important.00:13:49
Sexual intimacy is part of that. So I had already decided to give my all. And so when these hard conversations come I take a step back and have to realize and recognize where's the boundary? Where do I stand in the sexual realm in our marriage? And it's not really a question, because I've already given it my all.00:14:13
I'm already committed. I'm already decided. But I didn't realize how much more involved it could be. What we had was wonderful, and I didn't see that there was anything needed beyond that. And so it was definitely a conversation that opened up my mind to, like, oh, there's not just more that we can do, but it was more of a deep conversation that, where are we rooted?00:14:42
What's okay, not okay. How we're gonna navigate this as a couple? What does this mean for us? Are we ready for something different? Yeah.00:14:52
And it just opened up. The conversation wasn't just what's right and wrong, but it was, how do you feel about this? How do I feel about this? And getting to those core feelings and sharing those core, raw feelings that we've never, prior to that time, considered, but now we're considering it at the same time together is raw and real and exposing and frankly, not right all the time. Like, I might change my mind in ten minutes.00:15:24
You know, I see once again that you are open minded and willing to listen and to explore. Then you're able to choose for yourself, being open to the fact that you might change your mind down the road, or, like you said, even in a few minutes. That is truly the crux of intimacy, having those deep conversations. So, for you, Emily, again, going back to curiosity, which plays really large in what we teach, it's huge. You could have said, no, everything's great.00:15:51
And I think a lot of people do. But you talked about that raw, real feeling, all these things. It took really great, courageous, and a little bit of a chance, a little bit of risk on your part to go there and even entertain this new idea. That's big. That's big for a lot of people, and it goes kind of back and forth.00:16:14
Right. We want to be careful about the higher and the lower sexual desire partner. I think desire can change over time, and it depends on the context. So in this situation, it was kind of linear, like, she was the higher desire partner at the moment, at the time. And curiosity.00:16:34
You're able to be curious together. That's what I love. I love people being curious and having insight. That's where change happens. That's where this magic happens.00:16:43
Well, and it's not just me in the marriage. It's him. Right? I have my thoughts. He has his thoughts.00:16:49
And it's not just one goes one way and or the other. It's what are we gonna create for us? Yeah. I love it. Yeah, me too.00:16:58
I love that you were open. I love that you were curious. I love that you were able to go there at all. Where there. Were there any points in your life that may have allowed you, or paved the way, or even influenced in any way you being able to have this conversation in this way.00:17:15
I think it was really unique. It allowed you to be open instead of shutting down and rigid in your thinking. Something like, what we have is good enough, or you're putting pressure on me and I can't go there. Yeah. We didn't talk about sexuality very much growing up.00:17:32
It was maybe a taboo topic. I remember when I was really young, prior to puberty, I had a friend. We just sat down at the computer and started writing out all these questions we had and puberty questions and sexuality questions. And we had, it was probably ten or eleven at the time, right? Probably eleven, yeah.00:17:53
And we printed the pages and we decided together, okay, you're gonna talk to your mom, I'm gonna talk to my mom, and we're gonna have these conversations and compare answers. Compare? Yeah. And come back together and tell me how it goes, you know. So it was your friend's idea?00:18:12
Well, I held onto that paper for. For over a year. It was stayed in my top drawer underneath my underwear, you know, just. Okay, I'm not gonna. Avoiding.00:18:20
Avoiding this conversation. But she'd come again and again. So have you talked to your mom yet? And I'd bring it up to my mom like she's busy making bread. Of course, the most opportune time to say, hey, let's have a conversation, mom, when she's busy.00:18:34
But I, you know, hey, I want to ask you a few questions. Okay? Yeah, sure. We'll get to it. And days pass and she forgets, you know, I didn't have to deal with that.00:18:43
Oh, I asked her. But anyway, long story short, I went to my mom and she said, okay, let's have this conversation. I said, well, I'm not ready yet. Let me go grab my paper. And I sat down with this paper with my mom and she was whispering the whole conversation about these answers.00:18:59
You know what happens when you menstruate? What is menstruation? You know, all these questions. I don't think I even really got very much out of the conversation. It was awkward.00:19:10
But I think probably what I felt was that there's something wrong in sexuality. In my body. That's kind of the feeling that I got. So there wasn't very much conversation. When my sister married, she was the first to marry, and she and her husband, how old were you when your sister married?00:19:31
Probably 17 or so. She married, and they came to our family and said, we want to have a family meeting. So she gathered my parents and me and my siblings, said, let's have a family meeting. We want to share this. We've got a wonderful thing to discuss.00:19:48
And so they opened up and shared about sexual intimacy, about our bodies and how they work. And it kind of floored everybody there, including mom and dad and all of us. But at the same time, there was that curiosity of, oh, but there's something to what they're saying. They're very sincere and sharing that, hey, we don't want you to have the same experience that we had without the information. So we want to give you the information so that you have a better experience when you marry.00:20:23
I feel like that was crucial for me at this point in my marriage. Be able to say, yeah, let's talk about it. I can have some language, some words to use, because I had an example of someone who they weren't ashamed to talk about it. Mom and dad might have felt that in the family meeting, but to see this example, I could say, oh, I'm okay. My body is okay, and I can choose to do with myself and with my marriage.00:20:53
I love that sexual agency was a part of that. And what's hard about saying intimacy in our day is it's often used as a euphemism for sex. We say, oh, we were intimate last night. They really mean as we had sex last night or had a deep conversation. Right.00:21:09
That's all intimate. And it's also very possible to have sex that's not intimate. A lot of couples are having very unintimate sex. It's very closed off. Their bodies might be bumping into each other, but their hearts are not into it.00:21:22
Right. So there is an aspect of that. And really here, the context is long term, ultra long term relationships. And this is very different kind of conversation than if your goal is to have a one night stand. Because in a long term relationship, trust becomes an extremely important part.00:21:42
And there's this duality of where we want to balance excitement and passion and mystery with predictability, sameness, normalcy. Because in an intimate relationship, you have the sameness, you have the security. It's the, I can count on you. I trust this person, and that's required if you want to stay married long term, but you got to balance it with, there's got to be some sort of a newness, some sort of a novelty, some excitement to keep the interest there also. So it is a juggling act.00:22:20
And the way you balance those two competing forces is what I call intimacy. Because to be really intimate, it requires you to take risks sometimes and bring up hard conversations or scary conversations or present new ideas that you might get rejected. But often rejection is the price you pay to have. Or the risk of rejection is a price you pay to have a truly intimate relationship. Because if you just fold into each other, that's not intimate.00:22:49
But if you also become very individualistic, you can't have a relationship either. So it's this blend of these two competing forces. And in order to do that, you need to grow up a bit bit more. So, yes, the ability to kind of balance those two plays itself out really well in sex. If you're always doing new sex positions, new techniques, you're going to burn yourself out.00:23:11
If you're always doing the same old, same old, you're also going to get really bored and not find enjoyment in that. So couples that kind of learn how to balance these two things forces them to grow individually, forces their relationship to grow. So it's like the strong force that pushes on relationships to continue to grow and mature the longer you vent together. I like that. That's really good.00:23:37
I think part of what helps that balance, too, is just constantly being curious and coming back to new insights, new perspectives. Right. And that's what helps that growth. I think even just talking to other people who have great marriages, just getting different perspectives and insights, what they've learned, it's like, wow, this is a big idea. Aha.00:24:02
Moment. Right? When you get a bunch of people willing to talk about it, this is what works in our marriage. Okay, great. And you just learn and you grow.00:24:12
That's organic. Yeah. So what would you say to a couple where one partner really wants to make these changes, to open up and to be curious, and yet the other partner doesn't seem to be ready, is all lost for them, or is there still the possibility of having that growth? How do they navigate this? We told you that story about that one fateful night when we had this five hour conversation.00:24:36
But all you're getting is a little snippet to our marriage. And if you base our relationship based on that information, that'd be an inaccurate picture. We, too, are still growing. We're still learning. We're on this journey, too, and we experience what you just described, too, where one person wants something that the other person doesn't, and it does create conflict.00:24:57
But if you're in a relationship where one person wants something a little deeper, different, and the other person's resistant to that, what you do next defines the relationship. Not the fact that there's conflict. The conflict itself doesn't define the relationship, but how you deal with that conflict will define the relationship. There's three common patterns couples go through when they have these conflicts. And I call them the three A's.00:25:27
One is to act out. That's like to get upset, pout, become a bully, pressure the other person. That's the a for act out. The other is to accommodate, which we talked about. It's like, fine, then I'll just go with what you want to do.00:25:42
I'll fold into you and I'll end up resenting you after for doing that. And the third is to avoid. And that's also common with couples when they have conflict like this, we'll just avoid the topic or withdraw. So you end up maybe emotionally withdrawing a little bit more from the relationship, creating distance to kind of handle that conflict. And I think those three A's don't help you solve the relationship.00:26:06
But that's very common for what couples do. So there's a fourth a called become an adult. Right. You kind of grew up about it. Yeah.00:26:16
Yeah. Which is what we don't want to hear. Right. My life would be so much easier if Emily would just always be so enthusiastic about every idea I have. And our marriage would be so much easier if I was just as enthusiastic about every idea that Emily had.00:26:34
Right. But that's not reality. We're two very different people. Our brains are wired differently. We have different backgrounds and experiences and perspectives and preferences.00:26:42
So a wedding may happen in one day, but building a marriage is a lifetime thing. When we have the conflict, how are we going to be an adult about it and work these things through as two adults, not as kids, with combating the three A's. Emily, tell us a little bit more about being an adult when there's those conflicts or two different desires and, like, one wants more or something that the other doesn't and the other is resistant to it. If we're curious about it, I would just keep bringing up curious. But, I mean, you can get curious about the desire, but if the other person isn't willing to go there, okay, we'll get curious about that.00:27:30
Not just resistant to it and not. Not to get curious to change their mind. There's no obligation or agenda. It's. It's okay.00:27:43
Well, what's that rooted in? Is it a good fruit? Is that coming from a good place? Does it produce something good? Do you want that in your life?00:27:52
Do we want that in our marriage? But that's the same thing that goes either way, right? What's going to happen if we, if we follow the other person's desire? And what's that going to bring? Is that something that we want in our marriage?00:28:08
But it's just coming back to the core, coming back to what is it that we have and what is it that we want? Where is it going to take us? What I'm hearing is that it doesn't matter what the other person is thinking. It matters what you think and how you react and how you respond. And by simply following the rules, I guess, or the steps yourself in a marriage that may not have that back and forth that a lot of people dream about, but if you follow the steps yourself, then that's working the system, that's working the program, and eventually your spouse may follow along down the road.00:28:49
But as you said, no expectations. Right. I think that the biggest thing here is for the adults, and we're talking about curiosity. The responsibility really lies with me, with all of us. If we're the one wondering who's the more curious one in the relationship, it needs to be me.00:29:12
And I think that's kind of where we're at, where it all starts. How can I be the one that is asking, hey, am I the one that needs to learn here? I don't think my wife's being curious. So how can I be more curious exactly about what you're talking about. Right.00:29:32
And I love Demoli that you said, be curious about why your partner has those thoughts or ideas and having those conversations. It may not immediately show up as to why they feel the way they do. They may not have the words to speak, and they may have to sit on it for a while. And this may be a conversation that needs to keep coming back and back and back, maybe for months, maybe even for years, if you're lucky, maybe for weeks, but really delve into it. And conflict, let me just say, that's not fighting, that's having two different opinions.00:30:07
Right. Which is different from contention. It's not pointing fingers and saying, you do this and you're bad. So conflict is just where we're coming at it with two different opinions. Sometimes you may get a little elevated in your passion, hopefully not too elevated, but ultimately, it's really just that we're not seeing eye to eye on something.00:30:31
And so Scott and I had this conversation just a couple of days ago. Scott was asking me why I felt the way I did about a certain sexual issue or topic. And I didn't know, I didn't know the answer to that question. So I took the time. I was just able to get curious and ponder about it and think about it and gain insight.00:30:54
And it was like, oh, now I see. There was something that happened in my first marriage that kind of set off a trigger for me. So it's really important to realize that past sexual history, and like I said, for me, it was from my first marriage, may pop up some triggers sometimes. So getting curious about those things, as well as about what our partner is thinking, and instead of being upset with them, just asking questions, why do you think you feel this way? But I do love that part of your definition of adulting, and that it's, according to you, seeking for insight and being curious in order to pave that way toward intimacy, deeper sexual intimacy, as well as other types of intimacy.00:31:37
I'd also say that by looking at it as the issue away from you, not something that's between us, but that we're a team, it's an issue. And even though we don't see eye to eye on it, it's not something that is dividing us. It's something we can also work together to collaborate about. And it doesn't mean that we're going to end up having a conclusion to it. It might go on forever, but we're not enemies because of it.00:32:09
We're actually more intimate because of it. Because you have a growth perspective. Yes, that was very profound. That was really good. I guess I have one last thing to say about this, and this is an aspect that's not talked about a lot, but you need to grieve the things that you don't get.00:32:25
When you were a child and you dreamed about the kind of marriage you're gonna have, I bet 100% of people did not get the kind of marriage they dreamed about, right? Cause reality isn't the fantasy. I have more than I get. Oh, very good. Oh, I like that.00:32:43
That's really good. It's different than what you think it's gonna be different. So part of being married long term is also learning how to correctly, appropriately grieve the things you're not going to get, because that's life. You're not gonna get handed on the silver platter. Everything you want in life, same within your relationship.00:33:05
So that's another part of adulting, I guess, is just to, what does that grieving look like? Um, it feels like loss, like, because it's. What could have been isn't gonna. Isn't gonna be there and it's gonna hurt and you're just gonna feel the pain instead of trying to shove it away, cover it up, avoid the pain. And can you feel your feels, can you just realize this is the way it's gonna be and there you're gonna have some painful moments in any relationship because this is life.00:33:38
This is what it is, and it's okay. It doesn't mean things have gone wrong. You can still graduate with, you know, getting B's and C's, right? But it's not. You're not going to ace every single test in life either.00:33:52
Like, you're going to have challenges, and that's okay. It's okay. And it doesn't mean that it won't come back around later. Right? Correct.00:34:00
And new pathways when the person is ready. Yeah, I really liked that. We're really grateful that you came to talk with us today. And it's fascinating how your stories kind of match up with a lot of stuff that we're teaching. Maybe a little bit of different perspective, but on the same thing.00:34:18
And we like to show how everything kind of fits into the four cornerstones of identity and intentionality. Insight and intimacy, and learning who you are, what makes you tick, and being intentional. Talking with your spouse, sitting down with them, creating a time and a space to be curious with each other, to ask questions, insight, curiously looking at yourself and how you respond to your spouse, how your spouse responds to you, even if it's on a different subject, something that's of interest to you, just learning how to communicate with each other. And that's just awesome. Of course, all of this comes back to intimacy, which is something you can't really define, but you can feel it.00:35:17
And the more intimate you become, the better life seems to be. So we appreciate both of you joining us today. In wrapping up, I want to give you an opportunity to let people know how to find you and what you've got to help people with their intimacy. Can you share a little bit with us about that? Yes.00:35:35
We have this app that you mentioned called intimately us. It's free, it's on the app store, and it's great for any married couple that wants to add some variety and some fun, some intimacy, see some spice into their relationship. That's kind of what that app is for. Our website is getyourmarriageon.com. and there you'll find our podcast.00:35:55
You'll also find our coaching program for couples that want to build more intimacy in their relationship. We have a fantastic program that walks you through every step of the way, plus coaching. And we also put on retreats. We have retreat coming up in October and it's limited to just 20 couples. So it's a small group and it's a vacation.00:36:18
This is a getaway. This isn't in a stuffy hotel conference room. We take you atving. We'll take a canyoneering. We have a private chef who's a fantastic chef, cook all of our meals on site.00:36:31
And it's also an opportunity for you and your spouse to do a real deep dive into intimacy in your relationship. We keep everything squeaky clean. There's no nudity, no demonstrations. In fact, you're not required to work out your stuff in front of a group. It's not like that.00:36:47
And it's because we don't do those things is why you can actually get deeper and talk about the things that you need to in your relationship. And I bring a staff of coaches with me. So it's a, it's a four day, three night deep dive into intimacy in your relationship. Cool. Yeah.00:37:06
That's really wonderful. Well, we want to thank you both so much for being with us. Thank you for having us. Thank you. And remember, the intelligent spouse knows that to change from a stinky to a scintillating marriage first requires a change in themselves.00:37:22
Thank you all for tuning into marriage IQ. We hope today's episode has sparked some thoughts and brought you some valuable insight. Remember, the conversation doesn't end here. Stay curious, keep exploring, and we'll catch you next time on another exciting episode of Marriage IQ. If you get the chance, we would love you to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.00:37:48
It helps us get the word out about marriage IQ, and we appreciate the support. Thanks again for listening.
