Years ago, I was planning to go to grad school. Then I fell in love and married Scott.
I set aside my educational ambitions while Scott went to medical school and we started our family.
A loving sacrifice, right?
It depends.
Did I feel I had to give up my dreams so he could pursue his? Or was it a choice we made together?
Same sacrifice. Very different motivation.
For me, it was a choice, and those years hold some of our best memories.
But sometimes I catch myself sacrificing out of duty or fear rather than freely choosing to give.
When we repeatedly put our spouse's needs ahead of our own because we're afraid to do otherwise or we think we have to, we can gradually lose touch with who we are. And when that becomes a pattern in our marriage, the line between loving closeness and unhealthy enmeshment can begin to blur.
When does sacrifice become self-betrayal?
Here's the paradox: Putting our spouse first can strengthen our marriage. But sometimes, that very same behavior can cause us to lose pieces of ourselves.
Weekly Marriage Tip:
Before sacrificing something important to you, ask yourself, "Am I freely choosing this, or am I afraid not to?"
Scott and I explored this question—and three other surprising marriage paradoxes—after watching a fascinating documentary about Elizabeth Holmes.
Listen to this week's episode: When Does Becoming One Go To Far?
