How to Eliminate Anger

A few days ago we were in Phoenix, AZ and on a whim decided to take all our children and their spouses to the Ed Sheerhan concert. His music magically transported us back to the years our kids were growing up! It was so much fun!

At the end of the concert, a series of unfortunate events occurred that caused quite a mess between us all. By the time we were on the road for the one-hour drive back to the hotel, I was angry!

I gave Scott (and everyone else) the silent treatment.

When we separated into our hotel rooms, Scott wanted to talk about it. Probably not a good idea at what would have been 3 am Texas time.

It didn’t go well.

I was so shaken by the interaction that I couldn’t sleep for hours.

Having recently edited the Marriage iQ episode with anger elimination expert, Dr. David Marcus, his words rang in my ears.

“Your anger isn’t coming from what your spouse did. It’s coming from how your brain is telling you to look at what your spouse did.”

What was my brain telling me?

Was there another interpretation that was more correct?

I replayed Scott’s words over and over and eventually realized he had a point.

My brain had created a story from very few data points of perspective. And those stories had fueled some pretty intense negative emotions in me.

After some sleep, I could see things a little more clearly.

We talked it through more rationally.

We spoke our truths about what parts were most frustrating, without intense emotion.

We realized that our perspectives were different, but neither was bad.

If you have ever wondered why certain things trigger your anger and cause you to you fight too much, but really want a more peaceful relationship, you’ll want to listen to this episode!

Action Tip:

This week, be aware of any time you feel negative emotions such as anger, frustration, or annoyance with your spouse (or kids).

Stop and and ask yourself these questions:

• Do I believe my spouse made me angry?

• What story am I telling myself about what just happened?

• Is there another possible explanation that could also be true?

You may discover that the anger wasn’t caused by the event itself, but by the meaning each person assigned to it!

Listen to this week’s episode on Spotify or watch on YouTube.

If you have missed other Marriage iQ Weekly Tip emails, here is a link to catch up on them!