Where Did I Go?
I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.
Again.
Over the years I have had identity crises that have required growth on my part every time there was some kind of a big transition in my life.
Getting married.
Having my first child.
Moving to a new state.
Having my youngest child go to kindergarten.
Having my youngest child leave for college.
Finishing grad school.
Each time I have had to redefine who I am.
But this time is a little different.
I am not seeking to find who other people (parents, husband, children, friends, teachers) want me to be.
I am seeking to find who I want to be.
What do I like?
What do I want to do?
What do I think?
What are my ambitions?
I admit it, it’s a little bit uncomfortable for me to sit in this space.
I am realizing that sometimes I have buried who I am to become the important roles I play in my life.
A sort of self-abandonment.
A sort of self-silencing.
But that doesn’t help us show up as our best selves or as the best spouse we can be.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about embarking on the selfish kind of self-discovery where I abandon all that is dear to me.
Rather, I’m seeking to find the me that gives me complete control of my agency.
Doing what I do because I chose to do it.
This keeps me from resenting other people when I don’t get in return what I think I deserve or have earned.
Research shows having a strong sense of self combined with deep intimacy with others is the formula for the happiest marriages.
This week on Marriage iQ we have very raw, honest, and compelling conversations with therapist Diane McDowell about what to do when we lose touch with ourselves. And how to find our way back.
She explains,
“Somewhere along the way, we stop having a voice. We stop having opinions. We start dimming ourselves down."
But she doesn’t leave us there!
She shares how it’s possible to reconnect with yourself without losing your marriage.
We think you will love Diane’s tips to do just that!
A few of the tools she shares include:
Become a wise watcher of yourself.
Reconnect with your own voice.
Learn to speak your truth with love.
And that’s just the beginning.
Join us on Marriage iQ to learn the rest!
Action Tip:
This week schedule some time to examine your motivate for doing what you do.
Ask yourself,
Do you feel seen?
Do you feel desired?
Do you feel understood?
Have you lost touch with yourself?
Are you a people pleaser?
You may discover that it’s time to connect with your inner self.
You may need to examine whether you are fully exercising your agency—or relying on others to dictate the decisions you make in your life.
Have a peaceful conversation with your spouse (FM DJ style) about what you have discovered.
Do you need to make some changes?
Listen to this week’s episode on Spotify or watch on YouTube.
If you have missed other Marriage iQ Weekly Tip emails, here is a linkto catch up on them!
