The Pleasure Garden

Confession: a lot of us were raised to believe sex should be mysterious, magical, sacred, and (somehow) arrive fully assembled—like an IKEA nightstand… but without the instructions or the tiny missing screw.

And then we get married and think:
“Okay… so where’s the easy button?”

Spoiler: there isn’t one.
But there is something better: a garden.

In this Marriage IQ episode, OB-GYN nurse and educator Cindy Scharkey drops a truth bomb that’s oddly comforting:

Your first sexual relationship is with yourself.

Which means before you can co-manage the “we” garden… you’ve got to at least meet your own garden.

Because many women weren’t taught anatomy, language, or permission. We were taught “be good,” “be modest,” and “don’t think about it.” So it’s no wonder that later we’re like:

“Hi, yes, I’d like one orgasm please.”
And our body’s like, “New phone, whose this?”

Cindy’s metaphor is so freeing: your sexuality is a living thing. It grows in seasons. It needs sunlight (education), water (attention), and occasional weed-pulling (hello, shame and myths). And the best part?

It’s never too late.
This isn’t a tomato plant you forgot for three weeks. This garden can come back.

And no—you don’t have to “chuck your religion” to explore it. You can keep your faith and learn your body without turning into a scandalous harlot overnight. (Though honestly, “scandalous harlot” sounds like an excellent band name.)

💡 Marriage Action Tip (Low Awkward, High Impact)

This week, take 5–10 minutes alone and finish this sentence:

“One thing I wish I understood better about my body is…”

Then share one simple line with your spouse over hot chocolate or on a walk (not in the bedroom, not mid-moment, not while someone’s knee is cramping):

“Hey, I’ve been thinking about this… what do you think?”

Because a scintillating marriage doesn’t start with pressure.
It starts with curiosity—and a little laughter while you learn where the watering can goes.

Link: Watch the Full Episode Here

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