Episode 80. Before "I Do" iQ: Marriage Tips for Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce
Marriage Advice for Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce (and the Rest of Us)
Taylor Swift has given us love songs, breakup ballads, and Easter eggs hidden in music videos that rival a Dan Brown novel. But now that she’s officially engaged to NFL star Travis Kelce, we can’t help but wonder: what advice would help them make their marriage last?
Spoiler: It’s the same advice every couple needs — whether you’re a global superstar or just trying to survive another PTA meeting. So let’s take a page from Taylor’s albums and uncover some marriage lessons hidden in her discography.
1. Debut: Don’t Lose Yourself
Taylor’s early songs are full of identity — figuring out who you are and where you belong. Marriage should be the same.
Too many couples go from “me” to “we” and forget that me was pretty awesome to begin with. The healthiest marriages are built by two whole people, not by one person dissolving into the other like creamer in coffee.
Marriage IQ Tip: Stay curious about your partner’s individuality — and protect your own. Your spouse fell in love with you, not a watered-down roommate version of you.
2. Speak Now: Expectations Don’t Read Minds
Unmet expectations are like glitter — they get everywhere and ruin everything if you don’t deal with them. The cure? Speak. Now.
Marriage is basically a foreign-language course where the vocabulary is “I feel” statements. Instead of “You never listen!” try “I feel ignored when the TV gets more attention than I do.” Same point, less chance of throwing the remote.
Marriage IQ Tip: Stop waiting for your spouse to guess what’s wrong. They’re not psychic. Communicate early and often.
3. Red: Name the Feelings, Don’t Weaponize Them
Taylor’s Red album is basically emotional confetti — heartbreak, passion, longing, all wrapped into one. Marriage can feel like that too.
The trick isn’t avoiding feelings. It’s learning to talk about them without setting off fireworks.
Marriage IQ Tip: Instead of yelling “You don’t care!” try “I feel anxious.” It lowers the temperature and keeps you in conversation instead of combat.
4. 1989: Don’t Get Stuck in the Past
Taylor reinvented herself in 1989. Healthy marriages do too.
Everyone comes into a relationship with baggage — exes, family drama, embarrassing high-school haircuts. But marriage isn’t meant to be a museum of your trauma. It’s about learning from the past, then building something new together.
Marriage IQ Tip: Honor your history, but don’t live in it. Shake it off and start creating fresh memories as a couple.
5. Midnights: Sometimes Sleep First, Fight Later
Forget the old advice about “never going to bed angry.” Sometimes you need to go to bed angry — because 2 a.m. arguments usually sound like rejected Taylor lyrics.
Marriage IQ Tip: Get some sleep, then tackle the problem in the morning with coffee. You’ll sound less like All Too Well (10-minute version) and more like Lover.
6. Evermore: Ban the D-Word
If you keep an exit door unlocked, you’ll be tempted to use it. Taylor named an album Evermore for a reason — forever love is a decision.
When both partners commit that divorce isn’t a casual threat, problems start to look solvable instead of catastrophic.
Marriage IQ Tip: Don’t throw around the D-word in arguments. Threats don’t build safety — commitment does.
7. Folklore: Write Your Own Story
Taylor’s Folklore reminds us that stories shape who we are. Your marriage doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
Forget comparing your relationship to Pinterest-perfect couples or celebrity romances. Write your own quirky, beautiful love story — one where your rituals, inside jokes, and hard-earned lessons are the soundtrack.
Marriage IQ Tip: Start traditions that belong only to you two — whether it’s Sunday pancakes, inside jokes no one else understands, or 4 a.m. documentary marathons with your kids.
Final Encore
Taylor Swift may be writing love songs for the world, but she and Travis (and the rest of us) have to live out love in real life. And real marriage isn’t a three-minute track — it’s a lifelong album, full of rewrites, surprise releases, and yes, a few hidden bonus tracks.
So here’s to Taylor, Travis, and every couple trying to make their marriage their magnum opus: Keep your identity, speak your truth, sleep when you’re cranky, and never forget you’re writing your Evermore story — together.
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Good evening. We interrupt this regular programming schedule to bring you breaking news tonight. Taylor Swift and Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelsey or Kelse are engaged. The superstar couple is taking their love story to the next chapter. For years, fans have wondered who Swift's end game might be. And now we know. The football star popped the question, and Swift said yes. Insiders say the moment was nothing short of fearless. And unlike some romances that turn all too well, this one looks destined to last evermore. So tonight, no blank space here, just a sparkling ring and a happily ever after in progress for Taylor and Travis. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.[00:01:01 - 00:01:24]
Was funny, honey. This is the big news though, everywhere this week that Taylor and Travis surprised everybody. I think a lot of people saw it coming, but very exciting for them. Kind of a happily ever after story to a lot of heart break over the years.[00:01:24 - 00:01:48]
So I want to step back a little bit. We have quite a history with Taylor Swift and in our family. Yeah, we, yes, not personally, but we do have a lot of history. I want to step back just a little bit because for how much I've listened to Taylor Swift over the years and in, in her personal life, it's fascinating that she believes in marriage.[00:01:49 - 00:01:50]
Okay, tell me.[00:01:50 - 00:01:51]
I am fascinated.[00:01:51 - 00:01:51]
Tell me.[00:01:51 - 00:01:58]
I mean, can't you just live together the rest of your life? Can't you just be cohabitants?[00:01:59 - 00:02:03]
She is quite an independent woman. One might expect that.[00:02:04 - 00:02:38]
So why Mary? But isn't marriage. I thought marriage is patriarchal and misogynist, but here she is, along with a lot of other people getting married who proclaim the, you know, the year of the woman. Right. I just find it fascinating. That's all that she is doing. I think it's wonderful. I think it's fascinating that she and he both believe in something greater than themselves. I am very, very excited for them.[00:02:38 - 00:02:50]
Yeah. This is a big deal, not only for them, but for all of her fans and probably his fans too, to see romance coming in a story like this.[00:02:50 - 00:02:59]
So, you know, we, we've, we've said we had some history with Taylor Swift. I, I think maybe we need to unpack that a little bit in our lives.[00:02:59 - 00:03:10]
All right. My first experience with Taylor Swift was our oldest daughter, Cassidy, which is where most of our history comes from. Huge Taylor Swift.[00:03:10 - 00:03:14]
This is a shout out for Cassidy fan for many, many content contributor to.[00:03:14 - 00:03:50]
This large, large content contributor here today. I remember I picked her up, she was going to college in Virginia and we drove clear across the country to Arizona where we lived. And for Three days of driving. She told me every single detail about Taylor Swift's life from the time she was born, through every album, through every issue with recording companies and just like her whole entire history. Now I can't say I remember it well, but it's important to me because it was so important to her.[00:03:51 - 00:03:52]
Three days.[00:03:54 - 00:03:58]
Well, look, that is a long time to listen to Taylor Swift history and.[00:03:58 - 00:04:05]
I'm sure you listen to music while you got the. Yep, yes, I got the three hour version.[00:04:05 - 00:04:06]
Okay, tell me about that.[00:04:08 - 00:04:25]
There was a documentary coming out. It was, I remember that. A year or two ago. I don't remember exactly, but it was probably three, three and a half hours long. And for some reason I, I don't remember why, but I had to get up at like 4 in the morning to watch this thing, to be ready.[00:04:25 - 00:04:26]
Did you watch it with her?[00:04:26 - 00:04:28]
Oh yeah, of course.[00:04:29 - 00:04:29]
She was here visiting.[00:04:29 - 00:04:31]
You think I'd watch it on my own?[00:04:32 - 00:04:34]
She wanted you to be up with her watch.[00:04:34 - 00:05:05]
No, look, it was important to her and it, it became important to me and I loved how we connected through this documentary because to be quite, to be quite honest, I did find it very interesting. In fact, I found it quite fascinating. It was a documentary that peered inside the personal life of one of the most famous people in the world and I, I rather enjoyed it. What I enjoyed more is spending the time that one on one with our.[00:05:05 - 00:05:09]
Daughter Cassidy at 4 in the morning. And that's true love.[00:05:10 - 00:05:13]
So I, I may have gotten a little easier.[00:05:13 - 00:05:21]
However, I do remember you getting up very, very early to watch the ERAS tour video as well. Didn't you do that?[00:05:22 - 00:05:29]
I think. I don't know if that was the same one or not. Cassidy will know and she will definitely correct us.[00:05:29 - 00:05:29]
Okay.[00:05:29 - 00:06:05]
But in fact, I think she might know about Taylor Swift's life than just about anyone else. So anyway, it's fun. We, we have had fun with Taylor Swift over the years. It's really what life is made of. It's a tapestry of beautiful vistas cobbled together with stuff like this little loose strands of singing with Taylor in the kitchen, dancing on the back porch, speeding down the road to school because we're late again and Taylor has been a part of it all.[00:06:07 - 00:06:08]
Thank you, Taylor.[00:06:09 - 00:06:16]
So we decided, kind of wanted to give Taylor some advice from Marriage iq. That's the least we could do.[00:06:16 - 00:06:16]
Yeah.[00:06:16 - 00:06:20]
For someone who's been part of our lives, whether she listens or not, that's up to her.[00:06:20 - 00:06:45]
Now Taylor and Travis, we, as the hosts of Marriage iq Are going to just alter that a little bit for you. So this is before I do iq. And we are going to use T. Taylor's albums to give her all of our great advice from marriage. Iq.[00:06:46 - 00:06:47]
All right.[00:06:47 - 00:06:49]
So do you remember the name of her first album?[00:06:50 - 00:06:51]
Well, I had some help.[00:06:51 - 00:06:52]
All right, what is it?[00:06:52 - 00:06:56]
I have my peripheral brain. And that part that's. That is called Cassidy.[00:06:57 - 00:06:57]
Okay.[00:06:57 - 00:07:00]
Because she can bring anything up just like that.[00:07:01 - 00:07:01]
Yep.[00:07:01 - 00:07:03]
I believe it's debut.[00:07:03 - 00:07:27]
Yeah. So with the debut album, we kind of thought about identity a little bit. As we debut into those early days of marriage, we have to know who we are. And I don't know if there's anybody who's inspected their lives more than Taylor Swift and trying to figure out who she is and eventually come up with.[00:07:27 - 00:07:40]
Look, I am so glad she's marrying a guy. And they are doing this traditional thing. Like it's. It's really inspiring after all these years of self reflection in her songs.[00:07:40 - 00:08:29]
Lots of self reflection. But we. Taylor would encourage you to hang on to who you are, but find the balance also with intimacy, self differentiation. Like we talk a lot about on marriage. IQ is vital to make a happy marriage. That means one of you doesn't fold into the other, but that you both know who you are. You both know what your opinions are, what your hopes and. And things that you love are. But then you come together and create shared vision and shared power and shared life together as well. When we know who we are and we're intimate with each other, that's the best. It's actually a superpower to have different ideas than each other.[00:08:29 - 00:08:33]
Second album is. But I'm fearless.[00:08:34 - 00:08:34]
Yep.[00:08:36 - 00:09:03]
Taylor, don't be afraid of growth. And in a good relationship, both of you will strive to succeed, to be your best selves. This will be bring you closer together. I can only imagine what it's like to both of you have the lives that you do with the many demands and the popularity that you have to deal with. I can only imagine what that's like. Yeah.[00:09:03 - 00:09:28]
I think another way to help us not be fearful, to be fearless is to tell ourselves positive affirmations every morning to know who you are, like we talked about with debut. But then create some affirmations for yourself, not only based on who you are, but who you want to be and just affirming each other as well.[00:09:29 - 00:09:42]
Yeah, we have lists, things that we want to be, who we think we are now and who we want to become. We're very intentional about that. We recommend that you do that who do you want to be? What kind of characteristics and traits?[00:09:42 - 00:09:51]
And that helps kind of qu Some of those fears when you know where you're going in marriage. So Taylor's third album was.[00:09:53 - 00:09:54]
Speak Now.[00:09:54 - 00:09:55]
Speak now.[00:09:56 - 00:09:56]
Wow.[00:09:56 - 00:10:57]
This is a really great one, because we really encourage you, Taylor, and Travis, to not put off those difficult conversations, especially between now and when you get married. There are a lot of things to talk about. For example, expectations with in laws, expectations with faith, with work, with intimacy and sexuality, expectations of what fidelity means. There are expectations with the household workload and careers and all kinds of things that really need to be talked about before you go into the marriage, and then they need to be reviewed often once you are married, because expectations change. And if you find yourself distressed in a relationship, it's usually because you have unmet expectations. So speak now. Communicate about those now, but then continue to speak about them all along the way.[00:10:58 - 00:11:30]
And, Taylor, I would say marriage is like another language. This is language lessons. Marriages, we all expect to know the same language coming into it, but in reality, we have our own languages. And it's learning. Spending a lifetime together with the man you love, learning that language together, his and yours. So that requires sitting down with each other. These couples councils.[00:11:30 - 00:11:30]
Yeah.[00:11:30 - 00:11:31]
Once a week.[00:11:31 - 00:11:39]
We do that once a week, and we create a shared vision of again, what we want our life to look like in one year, three years, five.[00:11:39 - 00:11:43]
Years, 20 years, what are our goals and dreams and how are we achieving them?[00:11:43 - 00:11:56]
And we keep talking about those every week in our couples councils. And we encourage you to speak now and do the same thing. It really makes a big difference in the trajectory of marriage.[00:11:56 - 00:12:01]
You know, it's funny. Everyone wants this, but they don't know how to do it.[00:12:01 - 00:12:02]
Yeah.[00:12:02 - 00:12:05]
Who doesn't want to have a wonderful, scintillating life with their spouse?[00:12:06 - 00:12:08]
But takes intention.[00:12:08 - 00:12:19]
Learn to be intentional, Sit down, have these weekly meetings. It's gonna burst open, and you're gonna have an awesome life together. All right, next one, Red.[00:12:21 - 00:12:26]
Ooh. There's a lot of passion, a lot of angst, a lot of emotion wrapped up.[00:12:26 - 00:12:28]
Very emotional album, right?[00:12:28 - 00:12:29]
Yep, Yep.[00:12:30 - 00:12:32]
In fact, all too well, I think.[00:12:33 - 00:12:35]
Is probably the hit song from that one.[00:12:35 - 00:13:01]
Yeah. Critical acclaim for how to Break Up With Someone, I think, is that Cassidy said it. But, I mean, there is. That's a. That's a great, great thought. Because there's a lot of passion in life. Why. Why would you go throughout life without having some kind of passion, something that you're really passionate about, and ups and downs and sometimes it doesn't match with your spouse.[00:13:01 - 00:13:01]
Right.[00:13:02 - 00:13:19]
Sometimes it's not going to match with Travis, and sometimes his passions aren't going to match with yours. So we would like to just let you know about these I feel statements. Name your emotions when you start feeling upset, angry, misunderstood.[00:13:19 - 00:13:23]
I just did that today. It kind of lets the steam off.[00:13:23 - 00:13:28]
If you feel that way again. This is language lessons. We're learning a new one.[00:13:28 - 00:13:28]
Yeah.[00:13:29 - 00:13:40]
I feel misunderstood. I feel let down. I feel ignored, anxious, any of those things, whatever.[00:13:40 - 00:13:42]
You're feeling disconnected.[00:13:42 - 00:13:46]
But let's just make sure that you're not putting it on Travis.[00:13:46 - 00:13:47]
Yeah.[00:13:47 - 00:14:02]
Right. So you're not saying, I feel like you're a jerk. That's not what we're talking about. It's. You're t. You're owning your own emotions, your own feelings. And that's. That's the best way to do it, is just by verbalizing it.[00:14:02 - 00:14:05]
You got to know what those emotions are to be able to use that language.[00:14:05 - 00:14:17]
It gives you. Once you verbalize that I feel blank, whatever it is, you can step back and start reassessing how things are going and maybe take a different tact.[00:14:18 - 00:14:22]
All right. The next album was 1989.[00:14:23 - 00:14:24]
That was a great year.[00:14:24 - 00:14:59]
Yeah. So Taylor, when she was born, looking back, 89. Yeah. But knowing where you come from again, this taps into identity, why you are who you are. But don't get stuck there. Don't get stuck in the past. Don't get stuck in the trauma of all of those really, really difficult relationships. Learn from them, make meaning from them, and then look forward and use those things to be so grateful for the great relationship that you're in right now and make new memories together.[00:14:59 - 00:15:04]
Yeah. And I would say I think it's really good, though, to remember the past with fondness.[00:15:04 - 00:15:05]
Yes.[00:15:05 - 00:15:28]
So remember your childhood. Remember how you grew up. Look for the good parts of your family upbringing. Look for Travis's from his family upbringing. Put them together. See what you can learn and what kind of meaning you can make from these histories and how you can forge a new one together using the past that you both have.[00:15:28 - 00:15:56]
And I would say also remember your courtship fondly and tell the story often, because as you recount that in a positive light, chances are much higher that you're going to stay together. If you rewrite your history in a negative light, then that's a pretty big indicator, according to John Gottman, that a marriage is in trouble. So keep retelling your love story.[00:15:56 - 00:17:07]
So don't make up stuff. Don't lie. But it's okay to look at your past with rose colored glasses. It's okay. All right, next album, album reputation. All right, so Taylor, you want to maintain your reputation. Don't we? All right. I think that's a common core value in just about everyone. We want people to think well of us, and that includes our spouse. So that really kind of taps into our third cornerstone, insight, where we look at some of the things that maybe came off wrong, some of the same things that we maybe said to our spouse or did it work that maybe didn't land right. And we're aware, be self aware, just aware of that environment about the mood and own it. Just be able to assess and look at what. What occurred. First of all, just. Just the facts, ma'.[00:17:07 - 00:17:07]
Am.[00:17:07 - 00:17:18]
And then make some sense of that and see how you can change how you think and react in the future.[00:17:18 - 00:17:24]
Yeah, it's a good one. So the next album is Lover.[00:17:24 - 00:17:25]
Oh, yeah.[00:17:25 - 00:18:39]
I think you guys probably have this one covered, so we'll move on. No, no kidding. There's so much about this one. It's easy to see the beautiful love story during this part of your relationship and expect that it's going to go on like this forever. But it takes a lot of intentionality. It takes very intentionally adding to many different kinds of intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy, but spiritual intimacy, emotional intimacy, recreational intimacy, physical intimacy, intellectual intimacy. Just having these connecting points over and over and over and having rituals too that help you keep turning toward each other, keep connecting with each other. This is a part of your life that you can look back at this period of life and say, that was the high point and it's kind of gone down since then. Or you can see it as the jumping off that continues to get better. And Taylor and Travis were a lot older than you, and we're here to say that it has the capacity to keep getting better and better and better.[00:18:40 - 00:18:54]
So just remember, you can be famous and miserable. You can be not famous and really scintillating, or you can be famous and scintillating too. That's what we're trying to do tonight. Yep.[00:18:54 - 00:18:54]
Yep.[00:18:54 - 00:18:59]
And I think I'm going to throw this out there. Schedule your sex.[00:19:01 - 00:19:03]
Because especially with the schedules you guys.[00:19:03 - 00:19:19]
Have, because if you don't, it's going to fall to the wayside and you need to keep that spark, that passion, that part of you. Some people say, well, that's so boring. Schedule my sex. Shouldn't it be spontaneous? Y.[00:19:19 - 00:19:20]
Yes, but you're busy.[00:19:21 - 00:19:23]
Both just do both yeah.[00:19:23 - 00:19:29]
And we would typically say, go to bed together as often as you can. I don't know.[00:19:31 - 00:19:32]
Go ahead.[00:19:34 - 00:19:49]
We would typically say go to bed together every night, but I don't even know if you guys are going to be living in the same house. That could be a little bit problematic. I would try as much as you can to make your schedules work that you are living in the same house as much as possible.[00:19:50 - 00:20:08]
Next, we have folklore. Learn from the past, stories from people who've gone before. Listen to experts like those people on marriage iq. At the end of the day, though, you both have to make your own decisions and be responsible for them.[00:20:09 - 00:20:57]
So three more to go here. The next album is Evermore. What a beautiful way to think of marriage. If you are truly committed to each other, don't even say the D word. Just tell yourselves that you will make this marriage work, that you're in it, that you're committed, that you're going to do what it takes to make it work. If you've got an exit door ready and waiting, it'll be a lot easier to take that path out when it gets hard. But if you are committed and you made that decision that your relationship will be ever more. And build off that expectation. And build off that commitment, your decisions already made. And it makes it a lot easier when issues come up.[00:20:58 - 00:21:17]
Next is Midnights, the album that you might go to bed angry with. And we're not saying don't go to bed angry. I don't think that's good advice. Sometimes you just have to have that time to go to bed and get some sleep and then wake up and get out tomorrow.[00:21:17 - 00:21:19]
And you can say you're sorry when you.[00:21:19 - 00:21:44]
Because it's rarely going to work out well when you're so tired that you need to get some sleep and you're angry at each other. So just take some time. Know that we all have our own identity, our own differences, the own stories that we tell ourselves that we believe. So give some grace for the stories that both of you have that you come to this relationship with.[00:21:46 - 00:22:44]
All right, so the last album is Tortured Poets Department. With this, we think that it's really important to just keep the romance in your relationship. Scott and I were reading a little bit of philosophical poetry the other night, and it's beautiful. It expands your romance, it expands your relationship. Don't forget to lean into those romantic things and. And take time for each other without taking things too seriously. This is a really important part of being together and finding the things that help you just connect without all of the seriousness of your businesses and your sports and all of the pressures of life, finding moments of stillness with each other.[00:22:45 - 00:22:52]
Okay, Taylor and Travis, look, we're not saying that you need our help at all. You've already.[00:22:53 - 00:22:56]
I'm not saying that. No, just kidding, Taylor.[00:22:56 - 00:23:02]
You've already survived Kanye, Scooter, and Ticketmaster. Marriage should be easy after all that.[00:23:03 - 00:23:04]
Piece of cake.[00:23:04 - 00:23:15]
But if you ever get into a fight, just remember, therapy is cheaper than another ERAS tour and Marriage IQ is free.[00:23:16 - 00:23:20]
That's right. So just in case they need something free.[00:23:21 - 00:23:29]
Taylor, if you're listening, may your marriage be less red, more lovers. And may you only ever write songs about Travis.[00:23:30 - 00:23:32]
Love songs about Travis.[00:23:33 - 00:24:04]
We love you. We hope you've enjoyed this little diversion and our. Our tribute to Taylor and Travis and wish them the very best life together. Remember, the intelligent spouse knows that to change from a stinky to a scintillating marriage first requires change in themselves. We hope you've enjoyed our parody today and look forward to seeing you next week on another exciting episode of Marriage iq.
