Episode 28. Shall We Dance?: The Art of Partnership in Dance and Love
In this episode of Marriage IQ, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings interview professional ballroom dancers Alex and Grace. The discussion highlights how dance can be a powerful metaphor for relationships, emphasizing roles, communication, and the importance of mutual support. Alex and Grace share their personal journeys, insights on leadership and partnership in dance, and how these principles can strengthen marriage. The episode also explores the numerous benefits of dance, including improved communication, physical fitness, and deeper personal connections.
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Welcome to Marriage iQ, the podcast for the intelligent spouse.00:00:07
I'm Dr. Heidi Hastings.00:00:10
And I'm Dr. Scott Hastings.00:00:13
We are two doctors, two researchers, two spouses, two lovers, and two incredibly different human beings coming together for one purpose. To transform the stinky parts of your marriage into scintillating ones using intelligence mixed with a little fun.00:00:35
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another exciting episode of Marriage iq. And we are so glad to be here with our very special friends, Alex and Grace. Why are they special? Well, let me tell you a little bit about them. They are perhaps one of the world's best ballroom dancers.00:00:59
We'll let them tell us where they rank, but where they rank, definitely right up there.00:01:03
So, like, in my book, they're, like, number one in the world. They're fantastic. And they're also young enough to be our children. We figured it out. So I kind of have this fatherly proudness to, like, oh, you're doing so well. Anyway, they are great ballroom dancers, to put it mildly. But I first met Alex, your dad, a few years ago, and we started talking, and he said he owns some dance studios. And I thought, oh, this is great. I've been thinking about this for a long time, just percolating in my head about starting to do some ballroom dancing. And this was a perfect segue into starting. So we started, and you two are instructors, and we've never looked back. That was over three years ago now. Yeah, it's been great.00:01:56
It's been a while.00:01:57
But it's interesting because dancing, I was just looking this up, like, Dancing with the Stars. That's been going on since 2005. 33 seasons. I don't think it's slowing down anytime soon. People love to see people dance. And I know when I watch you two dance, there's something that just. It's, like, amazing. It is just a really special experience. Anyway, we're really excited to have you here today to talk a little bit about relationships, marriage, how it kind of interacts and relates to dance. Heidi and I really feel like there's some awesome symbolism here.00:02:50
Why don't we start by having them tell a little bit about themselves, each individually, and how you got into dance, just briefly, and then we'll move into some of the other things.00:02:59
Yeah.00:03:00
Grace and I have been dancing together and been together for nearly five years now, and right now, we're currently ranked in the top 12 in the country in our chosen division, and we're managers of a Dance Vision studio in Plano, Texas.00:03:16
So I grew up in England, and my Mum one day was like, oh, you should try dancing. I think I was like three years old and I said, I don't want to do it, I don't want to dance. And then the second she took me to the class, that was it. So my whole time in England up until when I was 19, I was learning and I started teaching at 14. Then I moved here to dance with Alex and the rest is history. Just been dancing together, competing and doing what we love and sharing it with people such as you guys.00:03:48
Exactly, exactly, yeah.00:03:50
How about you, Alex? How did you get into dance?00:03:52
My entire family dances, so we kind of have a little dynasty going on, starting with actually my grandpa on my dad's side. He started dancing and was teaching and got my dad into it. And dad was actually the British close champion for many years in Borman Latin. And as he did that, he went around coaching and ended up in Russia where he met my mom. They met in a coaching. So my dad was coaching mom. It's a funny story because.00:04:22
Scandalous.00:04:23
Exactly. It was hilarious because she was like, yeah. He didn't really work on my partner as much. It was just me. But yeah, I got into through that, moved around a lot and just ended up in the business because I fell for it. I don't know. I like it. I mean, it's a lot of fun and it's very fulfilling.00:04:43
And your dad was, I guess, really big famous dancer in his time. And you are heading that way like you're only what, 20, 23, both of you, right?00:04:56
I'm 24.00:04:57
24.00:04:58
Just her older woman.00:05:01
We approve of that. So how did the two of you come together as a team then?00:05:07
Honestly, my teacher knew of the Elsbury family. One of Alex's brothers is still in England currently, and I put out an advertisement looking for a dance partner and Facebook. Yeah.00:05:21
You flew out with the intent to stay and be his partner or to just try it out and see.00:05:25
I think it was five or six days and it was like a tryout. My mom came with me and we got to obviously meet the family. We got to go to a competition which was really cool. So every year we compete it. It's really special.00:05:37
That was a fever dream.00:05:38
Yeah, that's great.00:05:41
So you just moved from one category of competition to another. Do you want to say anything about that? Good news.00:05:49
Yeah. So in the way that professional dancing or ballroom dancing works, there's two divisions that pros compete in. There's your rising star division, which is for people who are kind of coming up in the ranks. So it gives them a chance to get noticed, and it gives them a chance to get a little bit more fame, I guess, before they move into the open category, which is the big one. And we've been competing in the Rising Star for the past five years. And at the most recent nationals, we were second and first in tango. So it's time for us to get on out of there and go into the open field with the big boys.[00:06:20 - 00:06:22]
Yeah, that's great. And you're very young for that field. Right.[00:06:23 - 00:06:31]
Most of our competitors, I would say, were either late 20s or early 30s. We have some competitors who are around our age, but very few. Very few.[00:06:31 - 00:06:34]
I am so proud of you, my children.[00:06:38 - 00:06:51]
All right, well, for the last three or so years that we've been taking lessons, so many things that you tell us about dance, we're like, oh, that pertains to marriage, too.[00:06:51 - 00:06:52]
Yeah.[00:06:52 - 00:07:22]
And so we really wanted to have you on to just explore some of those really beautiful analogies. So one of the first things that I wanted to ask you about is, in dance and in marriage, it's really important for each partner to know their roles, to understand their roles, and to be solid in their own identity and yet come together as one. Can you explain that in dance language, how that works?[00:07:23 - 00:07:50]
Very much when people first start dancing, it's the whole, oh, the man leads, the lady follows. Which is definitely true. But obviously, I have to be aware and know exactly what I need to do, such as the direction I need to head, the position I need to be in in order for him to actively lead me and for me to be an active participant. Cause otherwise, you're kind of just like wet lettuce. You know, they're moving you around kind of thing.[00:07:50 - 00:07:52]
Yeah, I know about the wet lettuce thing.[00:07:53 - 00:07:55]
And he knows about that. Cause that's me.[00:07:55 - 00:07:59]
No, no, I think they're still working with this. We're a work in progress.[00:07:59 - 00:08:00]
We are.[00:08:00 - 00:08:01]
So will we.[00:08:02 - 00:08:36]
Yeah. It's true, though, the synergy between man and woman. And it's okay to let you lead and have you follow, but as you said. Right. Doing it in a way that allows you to be completely a woman. Right. And to be your own identity and not to be like some submissive, subservient. I think that's kind of the message that maybe some people might get. But with our lessons with the both of you, that is definitely not what we get.[00:08:36 - 00:08:38]
Can you both speak to that?[00:08:39 - 00:09:26]
I guess the thing that popped to my mind as soon as you said that was as far as, from a leader's point of view, of what our goal is. We almost want to disappear. So the more that Grace is complemented, the better job that I have done. Because in ballroom, it's not just about showing off and kind of like, there's a man's part and the lady's part, like, meld in a way where. And like, you've probably heard this before, where the lady's a painting and the man is the picture frame. Right. So it's very much that same thing of we're not necessarily trying to outdo each other, but it's more like we're trying to elevate each other by creating certain shapes and lines. That's why all the guys wear the same costumes. Right. So they wear, like, the same tail suit or the same black jacket. It's so we can show off our ladies.[00:09:26 - 00:09:26]
Yeah, right.[00:09:26 - 00:09:35]
It's like, look what I have. She's the star. And the better job that I can do of making her a star, the less compliments I'm gonna get. So.[00:09:37 - 00:09:38]
Gosh. Oh, that's so good.[00:09:39 - 00:09:41]
It is Grace. Anything.[00:09:42 - 00:10:06]
The way I see it, it's very interesting when we dance together, because I feel like I am the visual of a shared feeling. And pretty much everything we do, we have a discussion about, oh, I feel it should be like this, or I feel it should be like that. And then it's a true meld of our two personalities, feelings, identities, just put together.[00:10:06 - 00:10:07]
Yeah.[00:10:07 - 00:10:09]
But if you do it right, you'll see me.[00:10:09 - 00:10:17]
Okay. I'm with you there. Perhaps there are times when maybe you don't see it eye to eye. Right.[00:10:17 - 00:10:19]
Of course. All the time.[00:10:20 - 00:10:44]
I think this is a good message for our people to hear, is that that happens. Like, that's normal. And it's learning how to communicate and work in a way where we do come together. And as you said, Alex, it becomes seamless where it's almost like you don't even notice the man or the woman. They become one. Oh, that's deep.[00:10:45 - 00:11:30]
Well, when you see in competitions, you'll see a blend of different competitors. Like, if you look at our current top six in the country, you have couples where some people say, oh, that guy is awesome. And they say, oh, the girl isn't as good at him, and stuff like that. Or vice versa. Like, oh, the girl is amazing, but the guy, he's not up to par. And then the people who end up winning is that blend where it's like they're both just, whoa, They're A couple. It's not just one person versus another person. It's a couple versus a couple. And I think the most difficult part is trying to blend that together and try and not overshadow each other. Or if you do want to do that, then you have to come up with an idea or some sort of plan of like, okay, you're the star, I'll be the foil.[00:11:30 - 00:11:30]
Okay.[00:11:31 - 00:11:31]
You know.[00:11:31 - 00:11:34]
So how do you navigate those differences?[00:11:35 - 00:11:56]
It definitely takes a lot of work to get used to it. We see it, obviously, in ourselves and a lot in our students. Like, you're doing a team exercise together and you're forced to learn a new type of communication together. And when, like, you figure out how you solve those issues, that's how you really start to grow as a couple.[00:11:56 - 00:12:01]
So I'm guessing some of that's nonverbal communication, some of it's verbal communication.[00:12:02 - 00:12:02]
Yeah.[00:12:02 - 00:12:02]
Yeah.[00:12:03 - 00:12:34]
I think the best thing to learn as quickly as possible is accountability. So whenever you're dancing and something messes up, it's very easy in dancing to feel like it's the other person that's doing it wrong. But more times than not, it's yourself. And so it's really hard to take a step back and go, go, why did that happen? Did I do it or did she do it right? And so it's very difficult sometimes, especially if you're in a bad mood, you're off balance, right? And it's like, oh, it's just because I made you turn 360 degrees on one foot. Right?[00:12:34 - 00:12:35]
So.[00:12:37 - 00:12:44]
So that, I think, is one of the most difficult things is just having the accountability to take a step back and look at yourself and kind of be like, okay, that. Yeah, that was me.[00:12:44 - 00:12:59]
Yeah. We call that insight on our podcast. We have the ability to be self aware and have that aha. Moment of, okay, it wasn't just the other person. I got something to work on myself too.[00:12:59 - 00:13:59]
And we have this quite a lot, like, in the studio. I've taken several couples, but one springs to mind particularly. And they came in, in the first, I would say, 10 lessons. He never spoke to me. He never spoke, period. Like, really, it was so bizarre. But everything she would say would be a negative about him. Oh, he's not doing this. He never does this. Or so on and so forth about the dancing, obviously, but it must trickle into their personal life. And the more I got to know them, like I taught them, I think for two years in total, towards the end of it, he became so much more confident in himself. And he was aware. Yeah, I did do that. But also this wasn't my responsibility. So he was able to get the courage and stick up for himself, which we experience quite a lot. And at the end of it, the couple becomes more A, connected to themselves, but B, connected to each other.[00:13:59 - 00:14:02]
We've had people say to us before that we've saved their marriages.[00:14:02 - 00:14:03]
Crazy.[00:14:03 - 00:14:26]
Well, one thing I was thinking while you were saying that is I really like that neither of you just point to my faults or point just to Scott's faults. You'll call us out when we do something wrong, but you're calling us both out at different times. And there's quite a bit of balance in that. So that really helps us both see the need to be more self aware.[00:14:26 - 00:14:27]
Yeah, 100%.[00:14:28 - 00:14:29]
Yeah.[00:14:29 - 00:14:54]
So a few things in dance that we've kind of noticed over the years with you is that it takes a lot of practice going over and over different steps, different moves. I know we've been working on foxtrot, waltz, cha cha, swing, tango, tango, rumba.[00:14:54 - 00:14:55]
Did you say salsa?[00:14:55 - 00:15:08]
Salsa. Most recently. That's a lot of dances. And they do it flawlessly. So lots of practice. And I'm sure that's not exciting sometimes for you.[00:15:08 - 00:15:40]
No. Especially when you wake up and you're like, I really don't want to do this today. Right. But it's a consistent thing. So it's not just about how long your practices are, it's how consistent you are. And you always have to have some sort of plan. So if you go into it just thinking, I'm going to practice, and then you get there and go, what am I going to practice? You're probably not going to get much done, versus we always try and discuss what we're going to practice beforehand. So saying, okay, we're going to work on this in waltz, and then we have to look at some choreography over here because it didn't work too well last time.[00:15:40 - 00:15:52]
And we also have a system. So on such and such day, we do this. On such a day, we do that. So it's easy for us to constantly be in that mindset because it's slightly different every day.[00:15:52 - 00:15:55]
So it sounds to me like you're practicing intentionality.[00:15:55 - 00:15:57]
Intentionality. Just what I was going to say.[00:15:57 - 00:16:12]
You're planning ahead. You're saying, we're doing this on this day. And then you were saying, Alex, that sometimes you feel like, I don't want to do this today, but you do it anyway. It's a routine. It's every day. Even if it's like, for.[00:16:13 - 00:16:38]
Well, we have a time schedule, but sometimes we might not dance as much. So, like, for example, of course, we work with my parents quite a bit. So sometimes we'll end up discussing things a lot more than dancing. But just. But it's just about being there and doing it. I mean, even if I'm not motivated that day, I just have to think about, well, my other competitors are working just as hard, if not harder. So if I don't go today, I'm left behind.[00:16:38 - 00:16:39]
Yeah.[00:16:39 - 00:17:34]
So there are two things you just said right there that I think pertain to romantic relationships and marriage. First of all, you're intentional about repairing. Sometimes you take a little break before you repair, but you always go back and readdress what it was that happened and how to work through it. And the second thing that I heard you say that I really liked is that you have your parents as mentors. And in marriage, I think it's also really important to have mentors. Someone who has been there, who's a few steps ahead of you, who's experienced some of the things and can really mentor you through what the ups and downs are of not only in dance, but running a business as well. Right. There are a lot of aspects of it. And it's the same with marriage. Finding mentors who are a little bit older, who have a better grasp on how to work through some things, is really important as well in learning how.[00:17:34 - 00:18:26]
To get back to leading and following. It was hard for me to learn how to lead. And I think this is important for people listening too, because we have our idea of what it means to lead as a man. But in dance, it's very different. And it's this combination of confidence, masculinity, almost like a certainty, but also just a perfect blend of knowing how much to give and how much softness and how much to give back. So that my partner can know, hey, she can feel that I'm confident and not floppy, that I have a frame that's solid, and that she feels confident in me and confident in following me.[00:18:26 - 00:18:29]
And yet not too much, but not over the top.[00:18:29 - 00:18:42]
It's like this perfect blend between masculinity and femininity. And you guys have talked about it in ways like in our lesson, I'm like, I gotta write this down. I gotta have these.[00:18:42 - 00:18:45]
Share some of those with us. We share them.[00:18:45 - 00:19:14]
For me, the key to everything, leading, following, being together in life is sensitivity. You have to be sensitive and open. So a good lead is, yeah, assertive in what they're doing in the fact that they're. They're not questioning themselves whether it's right or wrong, but also they're sensitive to the lady's balance, sensitive to what she has to do. And us as ladies are sensitive to what signals we are being given.[00:19:15 - 00:19:55]
I guess if we use an example, leading is a lot like, I don't know if we look at some of the great leaders of the past, you know, so it's like conquerors and stuff like that. The great ones weren't necessarily just telling people what to do, but they were showing and doing what people wanted people to do. So in order for you to be a good lead, you have to know all parts. I've got to know exactly what Grace needs to do. Right? Because if I don't, then I don't know the proper lead that I need to give to get her onto a certain foot. So there's a lot of parts in our routines where I have to know exactly where she is at all times or else it could all fall apart.[00:19:55 - 00:20:06]
Sometimes something will be happening and he'll be like, I don't understand. I want to. What do you need to do? And I said, well, you need to do my part. And then he goes, oh, yeah, I understand why you're off balance sometimes.[00:20:06 - 00:20:26]
You're just off balance some days. Right. And awesome. For me, Grace wears these, like, tall, thin heels. And so I was like, it can't be that hard to be off balance. So, of course, stupid me tried on some of those shoes, started to try and dance, and immediately took him off because I nearly fell three times.[00:20:26 - 00:20:28]
Ah, perspective.[00:20:28 - 00:20:33]
Yeah. Well, it made me respect it a lot more. And understanding like, oh, your job is hard.[00:20:33 - 00:20:34]
Yeah.[00:20:34 - 00:20:37]
I hope our listeners can find some analogies with that.[00:20:37 - 00:20:39]
Find your wife's shoes and walk them.[00:20:39 - 00:20:43]
For a while, but they have to be at least two and a half inch heels.[00:20:44 - 00:20:46]
Do your arches hurt this whole time?[00:20:48 - 00:21:38]
And you twirl and you spin. Wow. Just learning, too, from both of you over the years. I didn't know my, like, my posture. And we were watching this movie last night. Evidently Americans really are terrible at posture, according to Europeans, at least the Danish. So it literally took that long. And I still struggle with it. But there's this balance of the shoulders back and your chest up. Grace, you mentioned it kind of like Spock in Star Trek. You know, how he stands. And so we have a little code word for each other. When we're out in public and we're walking around, I just say Spock to Heidi and she knows how to do it.[00:21:38 - 00:21:45]
And I suppose we could use that code word, too, if one of us is doing something that makes the other a little uneasy, just to be like.[00:21:46 - 00:21:47]
Yep, let's listen up.[00:21:47 - 00:21:48]
Straighten up.[00:21:48 - 00:22:14]
But I mean, yeah. So it's very fascinating and interesting that just our posture can really convey a message of confidence and strength, even if for nothing else, if we have that frame, if we've learned how to be in frame and exude confidence, that's a life lesson I've learned that I use every day.[00:22:14 - 00:22:21]
What does frame look like, Scott, for marriage? What would be analogous to frame?[00:22:22 - 00:22:24]
Well, that's a pretty deep question.[00:22:24 - 00:22:32]
It is. I don't know if there's a right answer to it, but I think perhaps our four foundational cornerstones are part of that. Do you have ideas, either of you?[00:22:33 - 00:22:45]
Frame, I guess, for In a marriage sense, to kind of put it into perspective. I mean, ballroom dancing is a lot like marriage. I know we're not married yet, but whenever we are.[00:22:46 - 00:22:46]
Yes.[00:22:46 - 00:23:19]
Yeah, yeah. Never know, right? Never know. We've been together a long time. No, I think it's because the more you understand about the frame, the more you understand that you're both working together to lift each other up. Right. So especially with the way gravity works and everything like that in dancing and posture and whatever you do, you're constantly fighting gravity, which is pulling you down. And so you're using each other's body's connection and posture to lift up and to feel lighter and support each other.[00:23:19 - 00:23:32]
So maybe a marriage that is using each other's strengths, instead of looking at our differences as problematic, to look at it as strengths that lift us up from multiple perspectives, of course.[00:23:32 - 00:23:37]
And the balance between you. The balance of the two different sides of it. The yin and the Yang.[00:23:37 - 00:23:38]
The yin and the yang.[00:23:38 - 00:23:39]
Yeah.[00:23:42 - 00:23:56]
So it's like if you're doing it right, then it's smooth, it's not hard, it's not clunky, it's not weighty. Right. You feel lighter when you're moving in tandem with each other.[00:23:57 - 00:24:11]
I really like that, and I love to. How you talked about it really takes doing it over and over and over. Practice. Talk about the humanity of dancing and how.[00:24:12 - 00:24:14]
What do you mean by humanity?[00:24:14 - 00:24:21]
Or like, looking at them. Looking at it from a growth perspective of making the failures is part of.[00:24:21 - 00:24:46]
Learning and growing 100% in a competitive standpoint. We'll go and we might get a bad result, but it drives you to be so much better. The negatives push you further. If you go and only have good results. You're not growing to the same extent. Especially because we're both competitive and driven in that perspective. It very much is like, oh, okay, I have to keep pushing, keep pushing.[00:24:47 - 00:25:32]
And a lot of that really isn't up to us. So that really difficult part is understanding that even if you get a bad result, it's not the end of the world. Because at the end of the day, this wasn't your decision. Obviously, you do the best you can to get the best result you want, but sometimes you're going to show up to a competition and it's just not going to work that day. Or maybe the judges don't know you as well, and you know they only have a certain amount of time to judge you. But that's why there's multiple people on a panel of judges. Right. So it's not just one opinion. There's 11 opinions. And so most of the time, the best answer ends up winning in the end. But there's. Sometimes you'll see results and you're like, what? What? What just happened? Right. So it happens.[00:25:33 - 00:26:01]
All right, so I want to go back a little bit to when we talked in the beginning about the male, female, the masculine, feminine, the leading, the following, and just talk about how, as a female, you're the follower. Right. Do you feel submissive or do you feel oppressed? I guess it is in your role as a woman who's following.[00:26:02 - 00:26:32]
I definitely have had those moments where I feel like, oh, my gosh, I'm not in control of anything. I just have to suck it up and deal with the cards that I've been dealt. And sometimes it's not necessarily what I would have done. But then as I've progressed through my dancing and as I teach people my role, I am just as powerful as he is. I have just as much freedom as he does.[00:26:32 - 00:26:32]
Okay.[00:26:33 - 00:26:38]
But I have to wait for an impulse to do it, but then I can take it wherever I need to go.[00:26:38 - 00:26:40]
What do you mean you have to wait for an impulse?[00:26:41 - 00:27:01]
He has to initiate the action, but once he initiates, I can then take it over, and then he'll then match me wherever I'm going, whatever I'm doing. But I really don't like using the word follow because it does imply, oh, you just suck it up and go.[00:27:01 - 00:27:03]
Okay, so what word would you use?[00:27:05 - 00:27:15]
Probably being an active or listening partner. Yeah, being a partner or I am the interpreter, maybe.[00:27:15 - 00:27:16]
Oh.[00:27:16 - 00:27:25]
Because I have to interpret whatever code I'm being given and then make an informed decision of what I think it means and where I should go.[00:27:25 - 00:27:31]
Yeah, I definitely don't speak English sometimes when I lead. So she has to interpret a lot of different languages.[00:27:31 - 00:27:41]
And Alex, what's your take on this? You know, in ballroom dance, there, I guess, will avoid using the word follower. Like the two partners, the speaker and the interpreter, we'll put it that way.[00:27:41 - 00:27:42]
There we go.[00:27:42 - 00:27:54]
What is your take on this? Do you feel more powerful? Do you feel like a conqueror? Because you look very confident and very masculine when you dance.[00:27:54 - 00:28:52]
Thank you. Yeah, it's. I mean, there comes with consequences, right, of being a leader or speak or conquer or whatever. It means that most of the things that happen in the partnership always start with me being the problem. Right. Because, I mean, I initiate everything. So it's very important in a partnership to have one person in certain parts that initiates. So it's like most of the time I would end up initiating something for us to start something together. It's not necessarily me just putting her over here and saying, dance, right? Yeah. So. And there's some points where she's the one that's initiating, so where I'm waiting for her to initiate the next action because I need to wait for her to be on balance, and there's some points where I don't know if she's on balance. So I have to be aware, to be very aware of each other in that sense, to understand when we're ready, essentially. Wow, that's really great.[00:28:53 - 00:29:00]
We talked briefly about identity, but tell me about how dance works with your identity.[00:29:01 - 00:30:03]
It definitely forces you to connect to yourself, which pretty much everybody struggles with because they think, oh, I have to do it right, I have to be on balance and all that kind of stuff. But it really does force you to connect to yourself. And like, I'll use an example, we teach a lot of people who have had kids, you know, and when people have kids, they often grow apart. But the ladies come in and, you know, they're so and so's mom, and they're like, oh, well, I don't know how to be sexy or I don't know how to look feminine. I just pick up the kids from school. That's what I've done. So it makes you connect to the person that you are at your core and that you maybe haven't been for a long time because you've had other things you'd had to do. And it really does push you to be more feminine in your own definition of it. Everyone has their own creativity and interpretation of what that is.[00:30:03 - 00:30:10]
Well, Grace, you are the definition of feminine when you dance. I look it up in the dictionary. There is a picture of Grace dancing.[00:30:11 - 00:30:12]
Grace Gallagher, right there.[00:30:13 - 00:30:43]
It's been a lot of work to get there, though. And for me, I'm very like Taipei, so I am that person. I want to get it right. And, oh, does this look okay? But then I very much relate to music, so I was able to listen to the music and be able to be like, oh, okay. I'm hearing the violin go in this action. This is how I'm going to interpret it. And that's how I was able to connect to my more feminine way of dancing, at least.[00:30:43 - 00:30:44]
Good.[00:30:44 - 00:30:44]
Love it.[00:30:44 - 00:30:45]
Any thoughts on.[00:30:46 - 00:30:53]
Well, it was just. I don't know why. It just made me think about, like, you know, finding yourself. There are bumps on that road.[00:30:53 - 00:30:53]
Yeah.[00:30:53 - 00:31:30]
And a lot of things you learn in dancing is some of the best things that you end up creating or doing happen from mistakes or if you're trying new concepts, you're probably going to get off balance and maybe fall down. But that's not a sign of a step backwards, a sign of a step forward, because it's different than what you've been doing. And so it just takes a little bit of commitment and trust in yourself to be able to say, okay, I can do this. It's just not going to happen right now, you know, and that can be difficult because you don't see the results immediately, but it takes a long time. Yeah, a commitment, definitely.[00:31:31 - 00:31:47]
So I have a question. When we first were considering starting dance lessons with you two, there were several benefits of dance that Scott came to me and said, look, this is all the ways that it helps. Can you share some of those with our listeners?[00:31:48 - 00:32:10]
It helps you reconnect as a couple, like what I was talking about. You know, you become so and so's mom. It forces you to be the couple that you were at the start, which a lot of people do lose track of as they grow, get families, that kind of stuff. Another one is it helps with Alzheimer's and dementia. I don't know the exact science.[00:32:10 - 00:32:21]
Yeah. Hand, eye coordination. It helps with just that connection with each other, learning how to stay in balance, coordinating. Right.[00:32:21 - 00:32:22]
Cognition.[00:32:22 - 00:32:23]
There you go.[00:32:23 - 00:32:25]
Constant. Requires memory routines.[00:32:25 - 00:32:26]
Yeah, memory routines.[00:32:26 - 00:32:27]
Remember things.[00:32:28 - 00:32:30]
Of course. You get that aerobic exercise too.[00:32:31 - 00:32:33]
Great for the heart. Great cardio.[00:32:33 - 00:32:39]
Not until you're about at year three for us. Yeah, we're starting to move a little better now.[00:32:39 - 00:32:41]
So we're what? We're in the bronze level.[00:32:41 - 00:32:44]
So any other things that you can.[00:32:44 - 00:32:57]
Think of, I guess, just understanding your body more hand, eye coordination. So just being able to understand, okay, well, my body doesn't move certain ways, so I have to find different avenues to make that work.[00:32:57 - 00:33:24]
That was really hard for me. That was the hardest thing for me, I think about ballroom dance was just feeling so uncomfortable in my own body. And I remember you both trying so hard to get me to loosen up a little bit and be okay with moving my hips a little bit more and stepping into a more sensual role in dance. Can't say I'm perfect, but I think I've come a long ways.[00:33:24 - 00:33:25]
Absolutely, yes.[00:33:25 - 00:33:40]
And that has given me more appreciation for my body, which a lot of women, we detest our bodies or we shame our bodies, or we're just uncomfortable with them. And so for me, that's been one of the biggest benefits of dance, too.[00:33:40 - 00:34:08]
Yeah. And going on that is just learning to love yourself. Male, female. Of course, you can meet so many people through dance. So new friendships develop, new relationships develop. Like, we see the studio. Sometimes we see students, they come in, they want to meet people. They're single, you know, maybe come out of a marriage, and then they might get together at the studio. And that's also really lovely to see because you're like, oh, I saw that happen.[00:34:08 - 00:34:24]
Actually, when my parents had studios in Houston, there was a couple who had met at the studio, and he ended up proposing to her at the studio and stuff like that. It's still together today, so it worked out really well.[00:34:24 - 00:34:25]
Good match.[00:34:26 - 00:34:39]
If our listeners want to find out about dance, ballroom dance, they've listened to this. Or like, I want to start dancing. How can they reach out to your studio? How do they find you?[00:34:39 - 00:34:58]
Or, yeah, if you just look up Dance Vision Studios, Texas, we pop up on Google and just depending. We have four locations in Dallas and a couple of those in Houston. But the four locations we have in Dallas are Plano, Frisco, Flower Mound, and McKinney. So whichever one's closest to you, all you have to do is give us a call.[00:34:58 - 00:34:58]
All right.[00:34:58 - 00:35:03]
And also, if they want to watch you two dance, where could they find you?[00:35:04 - 00:35:05]
Social media is the best.[00:35:05 - 00:35:14]
Yeah, our Instagram and our Facebook. So our Instagram is alexandgrace_pro dance.[00:35:15 - 00:35:27]
Yep. And then our Facebook is just our names, Alexander Ellsbury and Grace Gallagher, and we post everything on there. And competitions do pop up in the area from time to time. But most of the time, we are traveling. So.[00:35:27 - 00:35:44]
Yeah, you know, my parents own two of the competitions that you can compete pro in. In Texas, there's only four, so we can only compete two of those in that year. I'm like, it's not fair. You shouldn't have this. Darn, you got one in Minnesota or something.[00:35:46 - 00:35:52]
Well, this has been really delightful. Before we end, is there anything that you want to add?[00:35:53 - 00:35:57]
If you're thinking of taking dance lessons, do it. It will change your life.[00:35:58 - 00:36:09]
Yeah, we've been doing it for three years. It's not cheap, but it's a very, very good investment. It's a great return on our investment and it's what we do. We love it.[00:36:10 - 00:36:32]
And if it's not dance, find another activity that you can connect with that you can also find symbolism, how to work together as a team. We really encourage being intentional about creating connection in intimate ways through whatever you love. So thanks so much both of you for being with us and to our listeners. We'll see you next week.[00:36:33 - 00:36:33]
Have a good week.[00:36:33 - 00:36:34]
Bye Bye.[00:36:36 - 00:36:44]
And remember, the intelligent spouse knows that to change from a stinky to a scintillating marriage first requires a change in themselves.[00:36:45 - 00:37:25]
Thank you all for tuning in to Marriage iq. We hope today's episode has sparked some wonderful thoughts and brought you valuable insights. Remember, the conversation doesn't end here. If you are interested in more information on this topic or to learn more about what we do, check out our website, drhidihastings.com and if you get the chance, we'd love to have you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. It really helps us get the word out about Marriage iq and we appreciate your support. Thanks again for listening. Keep exploring and we'll catch you next time on another exciting episode of Marriage IQ.
