Episode 105 : The "December Protocol": How to Survive the Holidays Without Killing Each Other
How to Get Through the Holidays Without Resenting Each Other
The holidays are supposed to be magical. Twinkling lights. Meaningful traditions. Cozy movies. Connection. And yet, for many couples, this time of year quietly becomes one of the most stressful stretches of the entire calendar. Not because anything is “wrong” with the marriage but because expectations, exhaustion, and overcommitment collide all at once.
We love the holidays. Truly. Christmas is our favorite. And yet, after more than thirty years of marriage, we’ve learned something the hard way: You don’t drift into a peaceful holiday season. You have to design one.
When a “Perfect” Christmas Still Feels Empty
There was a year when everything looked ideal from the outside. The house was beautifully decorated lights in every window, multiple Christmas trees, snow falling in the mountains of Arizona like something out of a movie. Our kids were involved in school programs, parties, music events, and traditions we loved.
We were busy nearly every night in December. Fourteen evenings at school events alone. Add in church activities, family gatherings, gingerbread houses, caroling, and gift shopping and our calendar was completely full. And yet, on Christmas night, I sat there feeling strangely hollow.
The month was over. The kids’ excitement had already faded. And I realized I had poured everything I had into doing Christmas…without ever asking what we wanted Christmas to mean. That was the year we learned how dangerous unspoken expectations can be.
Why Expectations Cause So Much Holiday Tension
Most couples don’t argue about expectations they’ve clearly discussed. They argue about the ones they didn’t know they had. Expectations around gifts.
Around money…
Around time with extended family…
Around how much effort should go into planning, decorating, hosting, and remembering everyone else.
Sometimes you don’t even realize you have an expectation until it’s violated. Like waking up on Christmas morning to discover everyone’s stocking is full except yours. That moment wasn’t about gifts. It was about feeling unseen. The issue wasn’t love. It was lack of clarity.
Setting an Intention Changes Everything
After that difficult Christmas, we did something simple but powerful. We asked each other one question:
“What do we want to come out of this holiday season?”
Not what should it look like.
Not what does everyone else expect.
But what actually matters this year.
Some years the answer has been peace.
Other years, connection,Faith,Service,Rest,
One year, we scrapped Christmas at home altogether and spent the holidays working in orphanages in Ecuador. It was one of the most meaningful Christmases our family has ever experienced.
The point wasn’t the trip. The point was intentionality. When expectations are named and aligned, the holidays stop running your marriage and start serving it.
Why Your Marriage Needs Protection in December
The holidays are one of the easiest times to accidentally deprioritize your relationship. Work deadlines pile up. Kids are home more. Family obligations multiply. Energy drops.
And ironically, this happens during a season that’s saturated with romance music, movies, lights, nostalgia. Desire often increases…while connection quietly decreases. That mismatch creates frustration. The fix isn’t elaborate dates or grand gestures. It’s small, deliberate moments of choosing each other.
A blanket under the Christmas tree:
Hot chocolate and music after everyone’s in bed.
Moving date night to a different day when Fridays don’t work.
Protecting time that says, “You still matter to me.”
Simplifying Is an Act of Love
It took us years to learn this, but simplification saved our holidays and our sanity. We stopped trying to do everything.
We simplified gift giving to three meaningful categories: something joyful, something needful, and something meaningful.
We drew names in large extended families.
We learned that gift cards can be thoughtful.
We accepted that gift bags are sometimes better than perfectly wrapped presents.
Even cherished traditions evolved.
Our Christmas Eve dinner used to be elaborate. One year, an unexpected emergency left us eating convenience-store hot dogs by candlelight. And you know what? It was still meaningful because we were together Simplifying doesn’t remove meaning. It makes room for it.
The Holidays Don’t Have to Hurt Your Marriage
Stress doesn’t mean failure. Tension doesn’t mean incompatibility. But unmanaged expectations, constant exhaustion, and lack of intentional connection will quietly erode even strong marriages. The holidays can be a time where resentment grows or where intimacy deepens. The difference is rarely circumstances. It’s choices.
Talk about expectations before December hits full speed.
Decide what matters most this year. Protect your marriage like it’s worth protecting because it is.
You don’t need a perfect holiday season.
You just need one that doesn’t leave you feeling empty when it’s over.
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Hello and welcome back to Marriage IQ and the Hastings Institute for Advanced Marital Studies.
You know, Heidi, how do we go through these holiday seasons without killing each other?
1:22
Well, we've learned a thing or two about that, but sometimes we've wanted to.
1:28
I don't think any of our listeners have thought about killing their spouses during the holiday seasons, but if you have, then today's episode is just for you.
1:36
Or at least wanting to tie him to a chair with some duct tape and throw water balloons at him or something.
It is really true though, dear, that this time of year starts getting really stressful.
1:51
We love this time of year.
Christmas is our favorite holiday, we love Thanksgiving, we love New Year's.
We have so many fun things surrounding that time.
But our stress does seem to get greater and greater and greater the closer and we get.
2:09
Speaker 1
Yeah, it it does.
2:10
Speaker 2
So just so our listeners know, we've had enough times that have been really super crazy and stressful and ready to throw in the towel that we've started a cool tradition at the end of Christmas.
So let's start by talking about what we do at the end of the holiday season.
2:31
We have created what we call a December protocol.
Those of you who listen to us often know we like to create protocols in a lot of areas of our marriage developed from things that went awry, hoping to help the same problems not repeat year after year.
2:51
Speaker 1
Right, just like our rainy day protocol that we came up with on our Real Talk episode.
Yeah, but this is a December protocol.
2:58
Speaker 2
So Scott has it taped in the back of his planner in December and I have it there in mind too.
Do you want to share with him some of the things on?
3:07
Speaker 1
The December protocol.
3:08
Speaker 2
The December protocol, all right.
And again, these are created from areas that were problematic last year, the year before, other years.
And we just keep rewriting it at the very end of the holiday season, usually around the 1st of January.
3:26
Are you sure?
3:26
Speaker 1
You want me to read some of these things kind of private here?
It's taped in my my calendar book if.
3:33
Speaker 2
They're too private then.
3:35
Speaker 1
That's fine.
Look, I've already talked about so many things here that would embarrass most people.
The death.
But I'm still here, all right?
So recognize that it's a hard month for Scott.
I don't know why the summers are hard for me.
I do know why, there's just a lot of a lot of stress at the end of the year for me.
3:55
Speaker 2
Yeah.
In your office, I think my focus is turned away from you a lot of times during that time of year and more on the kids and you may feel a little bit neglected or there could be a lot of different reasons.
But acknowledging that is hard and reminding me just to dote on him a little bit more.
4:15
Speaker 1
If Friday nights don't work for dates, find another day that works because weekly dates are vital and another one I have.
Watching romantic Christmas movies is great, but to get to bed in time to get up early enough to do the necessities?
4:33
Speaker 2
Because it just exasperates things when we're up so late every single night and we don't have time to do our morning routine, I think.
4:41
Speaker 1
Part of the problem is I spend the rest of the year being very intentional and December I just, it's out the window.
In fact, we had this conversation this morning, just this morning.
I think this year we're starting a little early because I, I told you this morning, I feel like my life is out of control right now.
4:59
Speaker 2
And it's only mid November.
5:00
Speaker 1
And it's only mid and it's I think it's just because I'm just letting down.
Everything is just releasing and I watch Christmas movies until 2:00 AM because I like watching Christmas movies.
What could I say so do?
5:16
Speaker 2
You.
5:17
Speaker 1
And so this is a reminder we got to get to bed right?
Heidi will buy stocking stuff for everyone, including herself.
Some very awkward Christmases surrounding that one.
5:32
Speaker 2
Yes, Christmas morning comes and everyone's stockings are filled but mine.
We'll get back to that.
5:40
Speaker 1
Heidi will ask Scott if he wants to buy her own presents or send him links to things she wants.
5:46
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Again, we'll come back to that.
5:49
Speaker 1
So that's right, you might remember the leaf blower incident in episode 37.
Anyway, enough said.
Well, those are a few of them.
Maybe there's some more?
6:03
Speaker 2
But yeah, so we've come up with 7 great ways to help you not want to kill your spouse or at least be angry with them with all of the stress that comes with the holidays.
And so those are going to be, first of all, expectations.
6:19
Second of all, we're going to talk about boundaries.
That's really, that's a really important part of this.
The third thing is just being able to remember that we need to prioritize our marriage relationship even when it gets super busy, even when our calendar gets crammed.
6:40
The fourth thing is to simplify, and it's taken us several years to learn this, but it's really important.
The 5th is just keep those communication lines open.
There's not going to be anything new that we're going to teach you in this area because we're going to use some tools that we've talked about lots of times before, but just applying them to this holiday season.
7:02
The sixth thing is stress management.
We've given some tools and marriage IQ on how to deal with stress.
Again, we're going to just learn how to apply those and remind you how important it is this time of year to really take care of your mental health and your stress through some of those tools that we'll talk about again.
7:24
And then lastly, traditions.
And we'll talk about some of the research on that and how and why traditions are so important.
7:35
Speaker 1
All right, let me see if I got this right.
My love.
Number one is expectations #2 is boundaries.
Yep #3 is prioritizing your marital relationship or simplify 5 communication, 6 Stress management and seven traditions.
7:58
Speaker 2
Yes, and we're going to throw in some fun stories to go along with them to illustrate why these seven things are so important.
8:06
Speaker 1
So you can laugh at our expense from the stories that we are going to share.
8:13
Speaker 2
That's right.
8:14
Aligning Holiday Expectations with Intentionality
So let's go back a few years to start with expectations.
8:18
Speaker 1
OK.
8:20
Speaker 2
We still had four kids at home, maybe 3, and our kids were super, super involved in school.
They were involved in music events, plays, parties, friends groups, all kinds of things.
8:36
And that particular year we.
8:38
Speaker 1
Were at the school a lot.
8:39
Speaker 2
We were at the school at least 14 nights out of December.
8:45
Speaker 1
That didn't feel very festive, did it?
8:47
Speaker 2
On top of that, we always had our annual gingerbread house decorating contest with several families and they were big and we'd go Christmas caroling with them.
Lots of fun for that.
We had other people's parties to go to.
9:03
We had parties at our church.
We had one event after another until the calendar was totally full with maybe more than one event per night.
We had really exciting Christmas with presents for the kids that they were so excited about.
9:24
So it really seemed in a lot of ways like an ideal Christmas.
Beautiful decorations around the house, lots of baking, taking things to all the neighbors.
9:34
Speaker 1
And just so you know, we lived in a house.
It was in the mountains of Arizona, rural Arizona.
It looks like a home that you could, you know, out of a Norman Rockwell picture, right?
It was just so beautifully decorated and so beautiful from the road.
9:54
We live in a townhouse now, but I mean, back then we lived that.
9:59
Speaker 2
Kind of.
I think we had like 6 Christmas trees.
Yeah, we and every window had amazing things.
Lights in every window like it was.
10:08
Speaker 1
I mean, it did look cool from the road, it looked like really.
10:11
Speaker 2
Come around the corner and it was breathtaking.
10:14
Speaker 1
Especially when you had snow outside and it just snowed.
10:18
Speaker 2
Yeah, in the mountains of Arizona, we'd get a lot of snow some years.
This particular Christmas, it seemed like everything should have been hunky Dory.
And on Christmas night, I remember sitting there just feeling so empty and so disappointed and like, what am I doing?
10:40
What am I doing?
This is like all over.
I've poured an entire month into this.
And yeah, the kids were really excited at the gifts at the moment, but the excitement's already worn off.
It doesn't even have a 24 hour holding period.
10:58
I've got to do something different.
Something has to be more meaningful.
And Scott and I talked a lot about it.
So This is why it's very important to talk with each other about our expectations.
11:15
What do we want from this holiday season?
11:20
Speaker 1
But what if you don't know?
What if you have expectations that you don't even know about?
11:26
Speaker 2
That's why it really starts the year before.
11:31
Speaker 1
Because I didn't know I had expectations from you until I realized on Christmas morning my stocking is empty.
Or I guess you of me, right?
You had these expectations, but they weren't clear in your mind.
Yeah.
11:46
Speaker 2
I will say that certain expectation has been going on for 10 years, so that's why it's really important too to write things.
11:53
Speaker 1
Down, and I think this is a good point to bring up too, is we talk about expectations as if we all know what they are.
But I'm telling you, there are expectations we all have that we don't think about.
12:03
Speaker 2
So I have his expectation that I provide for Scott and all of the kids and I didn't verbalize that to him.
Guess what happens when on more than one occasion I waken up my stockings empty and there might be 1 gift for me, but he just hasn't thought about it.
12:25
It's not that he doesn't love me, it's that we need to remind each other at the beginning of December, the end of November every year.
These are what our expectations are.
12:35
Speaker 1
I'm going to go crawl behind a rock right now, and I know there's a lot of people out there who say that that's unforgivable.
12:45
Speaker 2
But you know what, You are busy all year long and especially you got tons of patience the end of the year trying to get in for their last exam.
You know when their deductible is met.
And I think sometimes you're just busy thinking about other things.
13:02
Speaker 1
This probably explains why when I go to Walmart at 11:00 PM on Christmas Eve, it's 98% men.
Yes, I've done a study on this.
No women there.
13:18
Speaker 2
We're the planners.
We're the planners.
All right, well.
13:23
Speaker 1
Expectations.
What can I say?
13:26
Speaker 2
Do we like to start with our discussion on expectations, talking about a few different things?
One, we talk about some of the things like Scott was talking about how we each see things going and that has to do with gift giving, it has to do with family members, it has to do with the finances, how much money is in our Christmas budget.
13:54
We aren't going to just be unintentional and start putting tons of stuff on the credit card.
That's not the way we do things and it's going to be different every year.
So having those discussions, making those decisions and then sticking with them is really important.
14:14
We also really like to set an intention after that year that things were so crazy, we really had to sit down and talk with each other about what is the most important thing that we want to come out of this holiday season.
And it could be different every year, but some of the things are service to other people, peace.
14:36
We just want to feel peace this year.
We want deep faith, meaning we want to feel closer to our God.
We want to have connection within our family.
So whatever the intention is, setting that intention helps as we've talked about our expectations, what's worked with us in the past and what we really are more focused on this year.
15:00
Speaker 1
I'm so glad that that ended up being one of our 4 cornerstones.
Intentionality.
15:06
Speaker 2
Me too.
15:07
Speaker 1
So how did we shift that then?
15:10
Speaker 2
Well, the next year we actually gave up Christmas all together at our house.
I think we had Christmas stockings for the kids and we went to Ecuador.
We.
15:23
Speaker 1
Left on Christmas Eve, right.
15:24
Speaker 2
It was before Christmas Eve and worked in orphanages for a couple of weeks, a week or two.
That was probably one of the most meaningful Christmases we've had.
15:36
Speaker 1
Yeah, I think the kids really look back with a lot of fondness.
15:39
Speaker 2
Yeah, When we finished it, they were like, can we do this every year?
It was more expensive by a long shot than our normal Christmases.
So we haven't been able to do it in that same way, but we've done other similar things.
We're just bringing intentionality because of the expectations that we've decided as a couple and even as a family in our family councils that we want to be part of our Christmas.
16:04
Speaker 1
So we had an unfulfilling year the year before, not meeting expectations and not even knowing expectations, and then afterwards setting an intention to do something meaningful the next year, which we did, and it was freaking awesome.
16:19
Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Holiday Peace
So #2 boundaries.
It's important.
Setting boundaries for ourselves.
What will I do?
What will I not do?
I will get gifts for my spouse and my children.
16:35
I will not run to Walgreens at 11:00 PM on Christmas Eve for my spouse because he or she forgot.
Well, let's be honest, he forgot stuff.
All right?
That's a boundary.
16:51
You set it ahead of time and you're comfortable when that situation arises.
You already know what to say.
16:59
Speaker 2
I really like that, and I think it's also important to set boundaries around our family sometimes like that you're in Arizona with so many different events.
We didn't protect that quiet time as a family where we read Christmas stories or watch a Christmas movie together.
17:18
Everything was so chaotic and out of control.
17:21
Speaker 1
Or it felt like it anywhere it.
17:22
Speaker 2
Felt like it that we had no boundaries around our family, we had no boundaries around our relationship.
So that's important.
17:30
Speaker 1
Because we weren't intentional.
17:32
Speaker 2
And again, boundaries around the money, the resources that we're going to put into this, boundaries protect.
They don't keep people out.
They're not set to cut us off from other people.
They're just boundaries that are set to keep us intentional, keep us connected.
17:53
Speaker 1
Keep us safe.
17:53
Speaker 2
Protect our family.
17:55
Speaker 1
You know, yeah, there is that temptation to kind of keep up with the Joneses next door, right?
Yeah, when it comes to spending on Christmas, whether it's Christmas lights, Christmas gifts, unintentionally trying to outdo each other.
18:10
Speaker 2
I love that you said that.
That reminds me of one year when I think we're in residency, if I remember correctly, and we went to your parents house and another one of your siblings went to your parents house.
We had, we were living below the poverty level for sure and.
18:26
Speaker 1
As a medical resident.
18:27
Speaker 2
Showed up with one gift for each of our children and the other siblings.
Showed up with many many, many gifts.
My older brother children.
18:37
Speaker 1
He had a lot of money.
18:38
Speaker 2
And it was really devastating for our kids.
It was really devastating for us.
18:44
Speaker 1
It was a little awkward for us.
It wasn't devastating.
It was.
18:47
Speaker 2
Awkward.
Well, when kids are believing that the number of gifts they get are linked to how good they were as a child that year, it makes it pretty hard.
So one of the boundaries that we set for ourselves is we don't have Christmas with other family members.
19:05
We spend Christmas at home.
We're not traveling on Christmas.
We'll travel for Thanksgiving.
But that was a boundary that protected us from comparison.
It protected our kids from feeling like they weren't good enough in somebody's eyes, whether it's their grandparents or Santa Claus or whoever.
19:25
So.
19:25
Speaker 1
You know, I was thinking you can keep up with the Joneses, but you need to be intentional about it, right?
Sit down with your spouse and say we are keeping up with the Joneses this year, my love, that's at least you're intentional about it so you can keep up with the Joneses.
19:41
I don't see any earthly reason why I would want to do it, but if you want to do it, just plan it.
That's.
19:49
Speaker 2
Great.
19:51
Keeping Your Marriage a Priority During Holidays
So the third thing that we wanted to share with you is the importance of prioritizing your marital relationship.
This is vital for us.
It's been really easy to let go of prioritizing our relationship because we're prioritizing every so many other things.
20:09
Everything else Work, service, kids.
Especially now that our kids are gone, when they are here, we want to be all in on that.
Yes, when I was in Graduate School for several years, that was finals time and there were lots of different things that bumped up and we kind of just came last for each other.
20:33
That doesn't do well for very long.
20:36
Speaker 1
No, that's why we became intentional about this time of year.
And I said I am not going through this again.
I am not doing this again.
We are becoming intentional about how we spend the end of this year and part of that is prioritizing.
20:57
We have to be just so intentional, right?
21:01
Speaker 2
That's exactly right, Scott.
Did you know there's actually research out there that shows towards the end of the year that sexual desire kind of peaks for people?
Have you heard that?
21:16
Speaker 1
I had not heard that.
It does kind of explain some things.
I'd like to look up that study.
21:21
Speaker 2
Yeah, but couples don't take time for each other or for their sexual relationship quite often, so.
21:28
Speaker 1
So you have.
21:28
Speaker 2
That's an interesting mismatch.
21:30
Speaker 1
Like higher sexual desire and lower connection because of all these other things going on.
21:38
Speaker 2
So maybe.
21:39
Speaker 1
Lead to a perfect storm for December.
21:42
Speaker 2
Maybe it's watching all the romantic Hallmark movies, listening to all the romantic music, all the lights.
Everything is perfectly crafted for an atmosphere filled with romance.
21:57
Sometimes even the parties are the concerts of the music.
But then we're so exhausted by the time we get home, it's just like, well.
22:06
Speaker 1
We're thinking about other things that are coming up.
22:08
Speaker 2
Moving on.
Moving on.
22:10
Speaker 1
So that can explain, I think, some of the December frustration.
I don't know if any of you all have this issue too.
I would imagine there are others who do.
The end of the year, for some reason, it feels like your life is falling apart.
Just know that I'm right there with you.
22:27
Speaker 2
Yeah, One way that we can really help with that and prioritizing each other is not only through our sexual relationship, but making time for things like putting a blanket underneath the Christmas tree and just listening to music and the lights.
22:48
Maybe a little treat, or a dessert or a cup of hot chocolate.
22:52
Speaker 1
Just I appreciate this about you.
22:55
Speaker 2
Those little things can help go a long way.
22:58
Speaker 1
I think getting back to my December protocol here, the date nights, that is part of prioritizing our marital relationship.
Yeah, that's OK.
Friday nights may not work during December.
We know this lots of.
23:13
Speaker 2
Events on Friday nights.
23:14
Speaker 1
And and so we just being intentional about, OK, picking another day of the week, we have to have a day of the week where it's just you and I and no one else.
No friends, no kids, no work, just you and I alone.
23:32
Yep.
23:33
Speaker 2
I like that.
23:35
Speaker 1
Prioritizing each other and that we feel that we're being prioritized by each other.
We feel it.
23:41
Speaker 2
And maybe it's not even a night.
Maybe it's a morning.
23:43
Speaker 1
It could be or we feel that OK, she's setting aside all this other stuff just to be with me.
Or he's setting aside all this other stuff just to be with me, you know, and being there, present mindfully with each other.
24:00
Practical Ways to Simplify Holiday Stress
OK, so let's go to #4 which is simplify.
Like I said, it took us several years to do this incorrectly.
We filled our calendars, we filled our pocketbooks.
24:17
I mean, just the time that it takes to shop for all the kids, all the grandparents, nieces and nephews, whoever you give gifts to can be exhausting.
24:29
Speaker 1
To be clear, I don't have a problem with simplifying.
24:33
Speaker 2
It's me, I admit.
So here's.
24:37
Speaker 1
I love simplifying.
24:38
Speaker 2
That we came up with.
24:41
Speaker 1
I feel really great when we are able to simplify.
24:45
Speaker 2
Here's what we came up with.
First of all, we give each of our children and each other three gifts, and this is kind of influenced and inspired by the three gifts that the wise men gave the baby Jesus.
The first gift is something joyful, the second gift is something needful, and the third gift is something meaningful.
25:10
And those go along with the gold, frankincense and myrrh.
And it greatly simplifies.
So the meaningful gift most often is the same thing for all the kids Scott and I have really thought about.
25:26
It typically doesn't cost a lot of money, but it's maybe got a letter written with it that explains why this is such a special gift, why it's so meaningful.
25:37
Speaker 1
Yeah, we usually write some kind of a note to them.
It's either like a book or a piece of jewelry.
25:44
Speaker 2
A blanket.
25:45
Speaker 1
Something that's symbolic that they can remember that moment and our connection with each other.
25:52
Speaker 2
I think one year we gave the girls crowns and hunter a kind of a suit of armor to remind them who they are.
The needful gift might be coat and boots or an outfit or something that they need that it's nice to get.
26:10
Speaker 1
Packs of underwear.
26:13
Speaker 2
No, it's not that exciting.
The joyful gift usually is a little bigger and it's something they weren't expecting.
26:20
Speaker 1
Are you saying underwear's not like, exciting?
26:24
Speaker 2
Oh, is that what I should give you this year?
What we have done sometimes with our greater extended families, because we both come from large families, is to draw names.
So you're only giving a gift to one family or two families instead of 16.
26:45
Or if we want to give something to everyone, just give the same thing to everybody and make it something very simple that can be ordered online and shipped and kind of meaningful.
So that's been a way to simplify.
What ways can you think of other ways that we've simplified things well?
27:03
I.
27:04
Speaker 1
Really like gift cards.
27:06
Speaker 2
OK.
27:08
Speaker 1
You can do a lot with gift card, I'm just saying.
27:10
Speaker 2
Doesn't cost a lot to ship.
27:13
Speaker 1
And they can do whatever they want.
It's like, oh, I would just like to look at the joy on your face when you go in the store and you've got your gift card in hand and you can get the things you want.
27:29
Because I'm typically pretty bad at picking out what you want.
27:34
Speaker 2
OK, that's a good one.
I bet a lot of men will like that one.
And women too.
I mean, we like.
27:39
Speaker 1
I mean, I got you a leaf blower for Christmas for crying out loud.
27:44
Speaker 2
Last year, Christmas Eve dinner is one thing that we've also simplified.
So for many years now we've done a big Jerusalem dinner on Christmas Eve.
27:54
Speaker 1
What's a Jerusalem dinner?
My love for those who don't know what that is.
27:59
Speaker 2
That's what we call it, but it's using recipes and foods that might have been part of the meals during the time of Christ's birth.
28:13
Speaker 1
Like Jewish traditions, right?
Yeah.
Like Passover, things like that.
28:16
Speaker 2
Yeah, we have lentils.
One year we did a lamb.
That was the one and only.
28:22
Speaker 1
Usually do salmon.
28:23
Speaker 2
Hummus and Harriset and lots of different things.
28:29
Speaker 1
Yep, we also get sparkly grape juice because we don't drink.
The kids love that.
28:37
Speaker 2
So it used to be that it would take quite a bit of effort and time to make this meal really special.
One year our daughter called to say that she had totaled the car.
Do you remember that?
In an accident trying to get home for Christmas and so.
28:55
Speaker 1
We dropped.
28:55
Speaker 2
Everything we dropped, everything rushed an hour and a half or so to pick her.
28:59
Speaker 1
Up down icy rural Arizona mountainous roads.
29:04
Speaker 2
Yeah, it was pretty crazy and by the time we got back the stores were all closed, so we stopped at a Circle Ki.
29:13
Speaker 1
Got Do we get hot dogs?
29:15
Speaker 2
We got Hebrew.
What are the Hebrew?
What's the Hebrew brand?
Nathan's I.
29:19
Speaker 1
Don't know the hot we got hot.
29:21
Speaker 2
Shirts, kind of hot dogs, and that was our Christmas Eve dinner.
I think maybe potato chips or something go with it.
But we learned that's very memorable too.
It doesn't matter as much what we do as that we're together when there are times that we can't do the same types of things.
29:42
So lately, as life has gotten busier and busier, we've simplified.
We still most often do the Jerusalem dinner, but it might look a little different.
We may not be using all the recipes.
We might use the Costco brand of lentils instead.
29:57
Speaker 1
Of I'm not so sure it's like totally kosher, but.
30:02
Speaker 2
But we sit on the floor with candlelight and the tree lights and it's really kind of a special connecting thing and we have a cool discussion.
30:10
Speaker 1
Sit on pillows, Yeah.
30:12
Speaker 2
Of fun tradition.
30:13
Speaker 1
Turn the lights out.
Yep.
30:14
Speaker 2
So you may want to simplify Christmas morning.
You may want to simplify the gift giving process.
I used to love to wrap gifts in all the coordinating wrapping paper and I still really enjoy that, but I don't really have time for it.
30:30
So now we more do gift bags and things that are easier.
30:35
Speaker 1
Also really good at wrapping.
Like, let's be honest, I look at your rap job and I look at my rap job and there's no comparison.
I don't know what you do.
Like what?
How is this?
How did you get to learn this?
30:51
But you it's definitely professional.
30:53
Speaker 2
Precision.
30:55
Speaker 1
I try to be precise too.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Anyway.
30:59
Speaker 2
You have to like crease the edges all the way around.
31:04
Speaker 1
You've tried to teach me these things.
31:08
Speaker 2
All right, this seems like a really great stopping point for Part 1 of this episode, and we invite you to join us on Friday for Part 2, where we'll keep on talking about those seven parts of creating a holiday season where your marriage can really thrive.
31:26
Speaker 1
And not kill each other.
If you have enjoyed what you've heard today, please subscribe.
Like us.
Share it with your friends.
31:37
Speaker 2
It would mean a lot.
It would.
31:38
Speaker 1
Really mean a lot to us and especially in this time of year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, holiday, we want to just instill it with so much love and wants.
Each of you listening, watching us to know that we love you, we care about you.
31:54
We hope deeply that you have meaningful lives together with your spouse, with your family, loved ones.
And we look forward to seeing you on Friday in a few days, finish up on another exciting episode of.
32:08
Speaker 2
Mary, thank you.
