Episode 106 - The Holiday Survival Guide for Imperfect Couples
Why the Holidays Make Us Feel Like Marriage Failures and How Communication Can Change Everything
If the holidays ever leave you feeling like your life is out of control, your marriage is barely holding together, or you’re quietly wondering, “Why is this so much harder than it’s supposed to be?” welcome. You’re not broken. You’re human.At the Hastings house, we joke that anyone who feels like a failure this time of year is welcome to jump right into the family swimming pool. The water’s warm. Not because everything is perfect, but because we’ve all been there.
The holidays have a strange way of magnifying stress, unmet expectations, and communication breakdowns. Even couples who feel solid most of the year can find themselves snapping, withdrawing, or misunderstanding each other in December. What’s surprising, though, is that this season when things feel hardest is also one of the most powerful opportunities for growth. Two things matter more than almost anything else during the holidays: how we communicate, and how we learn from our failures instead of letting them define us.
Feeling Like a Failure Is More Common Than You Think
One of the biggest lies couples believe during the holidays is that everyone else is doing it better. Their decorations look nicer. Their kids seem happier. Their marriage appears calmer, more affectionate, more put together.
But behind the scenes? Most couples are quietly struggling.
Stress piles up fast financial pressure, packed calendars, family dynamics, travel, expectations, exhaustion. Add in the desire for everything to feel “meaningful” or “magical,” and suddenly the pressure is unbearable. When things don’t go the way we imagined, we internalize it as failure.
Here’s the truth we’ve learned the hard way: failure isn’t the opposite of growth in marriage. It’s the path to it.Every year we mess something up. Every year something doesn’t go as planned. And every year, if we’re willing to talk about it honestly, we learn something that makes the next season healthier. The key is not ignoring the failure or shaming ourselves for it but documenting it, learning from it, and adjusting intentionally.
Why Communication Gets Harder During the Holidays
Communication problems don’t suddenly appear in December but they do get louder.
The busier we are, the more likely we are to assume instead of ask, react instead of listen, and suppress needs instead of expressing them. Many couples stop having real conversations and start exchanging logistics: schedules, errands, obligations. Emotional connection quietly slips to the bottom of the list.
What makes this especially dangerous is that the holidays heighten emotional sensitivity. Small things feel big. Forgotten gestures feel personal. Silence feels like rejection. Without intentional communication, misunderstandings multiply quickly.That’s why the holidays require more structure for communication, not less.
The Power of Scheduled Conversations
One of the most effective tools we’ve found especially during high-stress seasons is a weekly, scheduled couples meeting. Not a quick “Can we talk?” in passing. Not a conversation squeezed in when one person is already overwhelmed. A set time, on the calendar, where both partners show up prepared and present.
These conversations work because they start with appreciation instead of criticism. They create space to talk about expectations, boundaries, finances, and emotional needs before resentment builds. They also allow couples to look back and say, “What didn’t work last week and what can we do differently?” When communication is proactive instead of reactive, the entire tone of the relationship shifts.
Asking for What You Need (Even When It’s Hard)
One of the most difficult but transformative communication skills is learning to ask clearly for what you need.
Many of us were taught to hint, hope, or silently expect our partner to just know. During the holidays, that approach almost always leads to disappointment. Needs go unmet not because of a lack of love, but because of a lack of clarity.
There’s a big difference between thinking “I need help” and actually saying, “I need you to help me with this specific thing.” It feels vulnerable. It can feel uncomfortable. But it prevents so much resentment.Clear requests give your partner the chance to succeed instead of unknowingly letting you down.
When Conflict Shows Up, Slow Everything Down
Holiday stress doesn’t just create misunderstandings it can trigger real conflict. When that happens, the goal isn’t to win or prove a point. The goal is to be understood.
Slowing the conversation down, sitting face-to-face, and speaking from your own emotional experience can change everything. Naming what you feel, explaining the story your mind is telling you, and listening without interrupting helps defuse defensiveness on both sides.Not every conversation has to end in a solution. Sometimes being heard is the repair.
Turning Holiday Failures Into Future Strength
One of the most meaningful shifts we’ve made as a couple is intentionally reviewing what didn’t work after the holidays are over. Instead of pretending the hard parts didn’t happen, we write them down. We talk about them. We create simple plans so we don’t repeat the same mistakes next year.This turns failure into data instead of shame.When couples do this consistently, the holidays stop feeling like something to survive and start becoming something they can shape together year after year.
A Hopeful Reminder If This Season Feels Heavy
If this holiday season feels painful, lonely, or overwhelming, it doesn’t mean your marriage is failing. It means you’re in a season that requires extra care, extra honesty, and extra grace.
Things can get better. Patterns can change. Communication can improve. Even deeply discouraging seasons can become turning points when couples stay intentional and connected.You’re not alone in this. And you’re not doing as badly as you think.
Sometimes the most meaningful growth begins in the moments when we finally admit, “This is hard and we need to do it differently.”
-
Hey everybody, today's the big day where we announce the winners of our $100.00 gift card giveaway for date night.
1:19
But only two people responded right.
1:22
So we were giving away five $100.00 gift cards and we emailed the five winners.
We did this big random drawing and only two people responded back.
So we just want to congratulate David and also Joseph and Rosalva.
1:39
And for those of you who did not respond to your emails that were sent last Saturday, I just want to thank you because today is Black Friday and now I got $300 in my pocket for Black Friday shopping.
1:55
So I hope you enjoy this episode.
1:58
Speaker 1
Welcome back everyone, we are so glad to have you back for another episode.
2:05
Why Failure is the Secret to Marital Growth
Have you ever felt like a failure?
2:08
Speaker 2
I have this morning.
2:10
Speaker 1
I do frequently.
This morning, in fact.
2:13
Speaker 2
Yes, I got up a couple of hours before you and was having my own internal struggles of all the parts of life that I felt like I was failing at.
Yeah, you came down later and we're having the same experience.
2:26
Speaker 1
I said I feel like my life is out of control right now.
I just feel like a huge failure.
And so for all of you who feel like huge failures right now, welcome to the Hastings Family swimming pool.
Jump in, the water's warm.
2:45
Speaker 2
Why is it warm?
2:46
Speaker 1
Well, not yellow, but it is warm.
2:52
Speaker 2
We've been talking in Part 1 of this episode about how to navigate the holidays.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever you celebrate New Year's without dying from the stressor, without wanting to kill each other.
3:08
And what we want to help you see is this is a great ability to thrive if you're very intentional about it.
3:15
Speaker 1
So I can not only not kill you, but our relationship can thrive and be even possibly scintillating.
3:28
Speaker 2
Yep, but we got to learn from all the fails.
We were talking about failure, and in our conversation we came to the realization that failure is necessary for us to learn and for us to grow.
3:43
Speaker 1
And yes, absolutely, it's a strange paradox that we could probably spend a lot of time talking.
3:48
Speaker 2
About looking throughout history.
3:50
Speaker 1
Why do I have to fail so much in order to grow?
I know that up here we all do, but it just, it really hurts.
3:58
Speaker 2
And it seems like we keep failing in different ways, so we keep learning lessons in different ways.
4:03
Speaker 1
It's really hard, Really.
4:07
Speaker 2
Hard.
But one secret that we shared in Part 1 of this episode is to document those fails.
Have a meeting after you make the fails and create a December protocol.
4:22
Put it in the back of your planner.
Put it in with your Christmas decorations wherever you want to put it to remind you.
Because we forget 10 or 11 months later, 12 months later.
4:33
Speaker 1
We totally forget.
Yep.
4:37
Speaker 2
So we covered expectations.
4:42
Speaker 1
In the first episode.
4:42
Speaker 2
In the first episode, we covered boundaries.
4:46
Speaker 1
Prioritizing our marital relationship, yeah.
4:50
Speaker 2
With all the different things there are to give time to and give attention to, making sure that we make time for each other, that we give each other appreciation, that we schedule things in that help each other know that we're a priority.
5:07
We also talked about simplifying, didn't we?
5:09
Speaker 1
Yeah, and we had some pretty vulnerable stories we shared.
So if you didn't listen to the first part, go back and listen to that after this one.
But yeah, just some fails over the years.
I'm sure we'll have more, but just learning and becoming intentional and moving forward, making changes.
5:28
Navigating Communication Challenges During the Holidays
What are we talking about this time?
5:30
Speaker 2
All right, so we're going to pick up with #5 and #5 is communication.
So when I'm searching for content out there, trying to see what people are interested in on Google searches as far as marriage goes, on YouTube searches, almost always communication comes up as one of the highest searches.
5:53
People are struggling to communicate, and communication during the holidays is especially difficult.
So we have shared with you in the past some tools that I think are still very, very valuable when it comes to being intentional about the way that we navigate the holidays.
6:14
Speaker 1
Yeah.
I think just that whole, you know, the time of year, different things going on, the busyness, it really weighs down on, let's say we had a great rest of the year communicating.
For some reason toward the end of the year, it becomes a burden.
6:30
Really, it's heavy.
And unless we are exquisitely attentive to that fact, we're going to suffer.
And I think there there's some kind of a strange phenomenon around the end of the year that just why this happens.
6:47
Speaker 2
Yeah.
So I feel like, Scott, you tell me if you feel the same way.
Probably the number one most important communication tool for navigating the holidays starts now and every week between now and the end of the year.
7:05
How to Use a Couples Council Effectively
And that's our couples council.
Would you agree?
7:08
Speaker 1
I would say yes, that's the framework from which we hang the other stuff.
7:14
Speaker 2
That's where we talk about our expectations, that's where we talk about our boundaries.
That's where we talk about are we putting each other first?
That's where we talk about, are there some things we need to simplify this year.
If we have one of those meetings that's maybe a little bit longer, we talk about that and set those expectations and boundaries and we're every week checking in with each other.
7:41
How are we doing on these?
Do we need to adjust our expectations?
We forgot about this boundary and I'm seeing that this would help protect our marriage or our family more if we instituted this so.
7:53
Speaker 1
Heidi, how are Couples Council more effective than me just coming up to you and saying, hey, do you have a few minutes so we can talk?
8:01
Speaker 2
That's a really good.
8:02
Speaker 1
Question.
I can see a lot of people saying, well, I could just, you know, when I have a need, just go up to my spot.
Hey, do you have a few minutes?
Let's let's talk about something.
8:11
Speaker 2
Do you remember which episode that was where we talked about couples councils?
8:15
Speaker 1
I think it's episode 11.
OK.
8:18
Speaker 2
So for those of you who haven't listened to that, you might want to go back to this, but the first thing we do when we do Couples Council is to share appreciation with each other.
8:29
Speaker 1
Well, I think the first thing is it's scheduled in our calendars.
Yeah, it is not me coming up to you and saying, hey, do you have a minute?
I think it's important to make sure it's in our calendar.
That's right.
It's happening this day, this time.
8:44
Speaker 2
Set aside.
8:45
Speaker 1
And not just nice after work saying, hey, do you have a moment?
Big difference, big outcomes changes.
8:51
Speaker 2
Thank you for that.
I appreciate that.
Go ahead then yes, then we share appreciation and gratitude for each other.
So instead of us coming with our beef, ready to pick with the other person on some things, we start on a positive note and just hearing from each other what they love about what we did that week or who we are or some of our attributes softens our hearts a little bit and brings us into more unity.
9:19
The other thing is we write everything down.
We take notes of everything, and I think that's vital for remembering, for documenting our history.
So next year, if we want to go back and look and say what was so crazy about that year?
9:35
What would we do different?
That would be the binder that we'd go to.
We've got four or five huge binders now of notes for the last 13 or so years.
9:44
Speaker 1
Yeah, proof of our existence, that we lived and we loved.
9:49
Speaker 2
It's wonderful to see how we've evolved over the years, who we've become.
So having that written down, and then every week we pull out the last week's notes because our memory doesn't even remember one week what we decided, what we talked about.
10:05
Speaker 1
We review last week's notes.
Yep.
10:08
Speaker 2
And then we talk about it again and then we make adjustments, have our action plans, OK, because of this conversation we had and we talked about 123, however many different items, what is our action plan and then the action plan will go in our calendars, so we remember.
10:26
Speaker 1
Yeah.
10:28
Speaker 2
So that's why I think couples councils are so vitally important this time of year and all year long really.
10:35
Speaker 1
Yeah, this time of year.
10:36
Speaker 2
What do you think?
Is there anything I missed that you would add to that?
10:40
Speaker 1
Well, yeah, calendaring and things coming.
10:42
Speaker 2
Up.
Oh yes, calendaring.
10:43
Speaker 1
That's an important part.
So we're on the same page on on things.
We don't get our wires crossed on meetings and things like that.
10:52
Speaker 2
So and special events and.
10:54
Speaker 1
Yeah.
It's, it's an opportunity to to go through our budget.
We review our budget during couples Council every week and we update it and we see this is how much we have in this bucket, this category for Christmas or whatever it is.
11:09
Speaker 2
And if you aren't in a place right now that you're already doing a budget, at least we recommend that you start a Christmas budget and that you update each other every week during your couples council on where you're sitting with the Christmas budget.
11:25
That's a good place to start.
11:26
Speaker 1
Yeah.
11:27
Speaker 2
All right.
Any other tools that you can think of that would really help couples in communicating clearly with each other this time?
11:34
Understanding and Applying the FANOS Communication Tool
Well.
11:34
Speaker 1
I think all year long, but especially this time of year, Thanos.
11:40
Speaker 2
FANOS, we've learned to love that it means to shed light on in Greek.
11:48
Speaker 1
So Thanos is.
11:49
Speaker 2
And it's also an acronym.
It stands for Viewing.
11:54
Speaker 1
I feel.
11:55
Speaker 2
Appreciation.
11:57
Speaker 1
I appreciate need I need from you.
12:02
Speaker 2
Own.
12:03
Speaker 1
I own that.
I did this thing that's not really cool.
12:08
Speaker 2
And success.
12:11
Speaker 1
This is my win today, Thanos.
12:16
Speaker 2
We usually try to do that while we're walking around the block.
Going on a short walk at night.
You could do it in bed.
12:21
Speaker 1
I think we've settled on our nightly walk.
We do Thanos.
12:24
Speaker 2
Because we're away from other distractions.
And it's very valuable, very helpful to touch on each of those things.
And I know for women, sometimes it's really hard to, and maybe for men too.
You can tell me about this, to ask for what we need.
12:41
Is it hard for you to ask for what you need?
Yep.
12:45
Speaker 1
Yes it is.
I used to say I need to do something, but that's not the rule.
The rules are I need to ask you to do something for me and that is very hard to do.
12:55
Speaker 2
Yeah, like I need help with you getting the Christmas tree out of the closet and bringing it upstairs.
13:03
Speaker 1
What?
The Hastings don't have a live Christmas tree?
I know.
13:05
Speaker 2
We did for a lot.
Tragic.
We'd go cut our own down.
That was part of our December tradition.
13:12
Speaker 1
Back in the Yeah, we have got.
13:15
Speaker 2
It in the city, things change, don't they?
13:20
Speaker 1
They do.
13:21
Using DEAR MAN for Serious Holiday Conflicts
So what tool do we have that you would recommend most for couples when they bump into some pretty serious not seeing eye to eye on things, maybe having a fight, just really struggling with each other during the holiday?
13:37
Speaker 1
That'd probably be our dear man.
We talked about that in the Three Communication Tools episode.
This is more formal.
This is formal.
This is not informal.
You're sitting down facing each other, knee to knee and eye to eye.
13:53
Speaker 2
No arms crossed because that sends the message that I'm keeping you out.
So our hands are just in our lap.
We're open and responsive.
14:05
Speaker 1
So knee to knee, eye to eye, and we are starting with the person who feels the most aggrieved.
We'll start 1st and say when you do whatever the person does.
14:21
Speaker 2
When you do not Remember Me for Christmas.
14:27
Speaker 1
Or how about when you do not get me gifts for Christmas?
14:34
Speaker 2
When you do not get me gifts for Christmas.
14:38
Speaker 1
I feel gypped.
14:41
Speaker 2
Sad.
14:42
Speaker 1
I feel.
14:43
Speaker 2
Disorded.
14:44
Speaker 1
I feel fill in the blank, whatever word it is offended, but you are the one who gets to fill in that word, that feeling and only you and your partner.
Your spouse is sitting across from you and listening without interrupting.
15:01
So when you do not get me gifts for Christmas, I feel unappreciated.
OK, the story I tell myself, this is almost exact verbiage.
The story that I tell myself is that you don't love me because you didn't get anything for me.
15:23
Speaker 2
Or I'm not important to you?
15:25
Speaker 1
Or I'm not important to whatever the story is.
This is the story I'm telling myself.
This is my reality.
15:33
Speaker 2
It's not saying it's true, it's just saying this is how I interpret.
15:37
Speaker 1
It this is a story I'm telling myself.
In a perfect world, you would show me that you love me by getting me Christmas gifts and that's it.
15:51
Speaker 2
Only three are required.
Joyful.
Yes.
Needful.
Meaningful.
15:56
Speaker 1
Yeah.
So that's it.
And then the spouse reflects back and tries to really reflect, like almost word for word.
Yeah.
16:07
Speaker 2
It doesn't have to be word for word, but as close as possible.
So what I hear you saying is when I forget to give you Christmas gifts, you feel unappreciated.
The story you tell yourself is that I don't love you or that you're not good enough.
16:25
In a perfect world, I would remember to get you gifts.
Is there anything you had to add to that?
No.
OK.
16:37
Speaker 1
That's dear man.
16:38
Speaker 2
We can leave it right there if we want.
I understand he was able to verbalize how it makes him feel in the story that he's telling himself.
What?
And I, as the spouse, I'm not required to comment on that.
16:58
Well, even at the end, I can't say like you're full of it or you don't know what you're talking about or you always tell yourself the craziest stories.
No, I can say, wow, I had no idea that my actions hurt you that deeply.
17:16
I can see now how important this is to you.
I do want to assure you that I love you so much and I'm going to write in the December protocol to remember to get you gifts for Christmas because I can see that it's more important to you.
17:33
Gift giving wasn't really that big of a deal in my family.
I I didn't think about it a lot, but I can see it is to you.
17:40
Speaker 1
Or you could say nothing.
I mean, this is a tool that is meant to facilitate communication, but not resolution.
You can certainly resolve it and it, but it's not required.
17:54
Speaker 2
And it's.
17:55
Speaker 1
It's really, this is a formal, this is really more formal.
It's not informal, as I said before.
Yeah.
And I'd like to add, we learned about this some years ago after $100,000 that we spent on, well, let's just say a unique circumstance, but now we're sharing it with you for free.
18:19
Speaker 2
Yeah.
All right.
If you have any questions about any of those communication tools, feel free to reach out to us at hello@marriageiq.com.
We love to talk about these.
18:30
Practical Strategies for Managing Holiday Season Stress
So should we move on to number six?
OK.
Number six is stress management.
How do we navigate the stress this time of year?
Almost certainly people are trying to decide if they can figure out ways to get a massage or to do something to help with the stress.
18:51
But what have you found to be really?
18:53
Speaker 1
Helpful.
Well, lately, when I say lately, in the past six to eight months, I've really taken 2 mindful walks.
OK, that helps me kind of relax.
19:04
Speaker 2
What is a mindful?
19:05
Speaker 1
Walk like well for me it's not listening to anything.
No podcasts, no emails, no phone really.
I'm just going outside and I'm walking down the street.
We have a little park nearby and noticing all of the plants, the trees, the flowers, looking at them.
19:25
Just being very curious about the little critters, the little birdies and the rabbits that we have.
Quite a few, you know, looking at the sky, the clouds, the cloud formation.
Just getting out of myself and observing without judgement the world around me and I love it.
19:48
Speaker 2
And you really focused on things that you can see.
I also love to add in things that I can hear.
Things that I can feel might be the wind on my face.
It might be my feet hitting the pavement.
It might be the scratchy tag in the back of my neck.
20:06
Things that I can smell.
Mm hmm.
It used to be the chlorine of the fountain in the park, but.
20:13
Speaker 1
It turned it off for.
20:14
Speaker 2
The winter, Yeah, Darn.
You know, we've been walking by somebody's house and being able to smell their dryer sheets or something.
OK.
I really love that as a way to help with stress because we get so caught up in our thoughts of all the things we need to do that it puts us in a state of fight or flight or we just have this limbic storm going on.
20:38
But if we can move out of our thoughts and into our body, stress automatically decreases.
I learned that in a mindfulness based stress reduction 8 week course that I took and if you're interested in that, normally cost about $800.00 but I found one online that's free.
20:57
Takes a lot of work, but it really really is helpful and fantastic.
Let us know if you're interested in something like that.
I find sometimes thinking a bubble bath helps with decreasing stress.
21:12
Light some candles.
Take a bubble bath when it's especially really cold outside or.
21:19
Speaker 1
I guess maybe watching a movie we don't watch a lot, but I mean it is kind of relaxing, stress relieving, especially if it's funny.
21:29
Speaker 2
Laughing.
Laughing's a good way to reduce stress.
21:34
Speaker 1
So bring on the comedies.
21:36
Speaker 2
That's a good one.
21:37
Speaker 1
I think a lot of the stress too though honey is caused by this either overt or covert desire to be perfect.
21:46
Speaker 2
Right, to have the Christmas be perfect to have the gifts.
21:50
Speaker 1
Be perfect.
Yeah.
Everything.
This, this self-imposed perfectionism, right?
Yeah.
That everything needs to be.
And I think everyone knows this, that we're humans.
We're not perfect.
But at the same time, we still tell ourselves to be perfect.
So we're gotten this.
22:06
We know we're not perfect, but then we expect us ourselves to be perfect.
And others, unless you're a narcissist, where you only expect others to be perfect.
But I mean, that's where I think a lot of stress actually starts, originates.
22:22
Is that that perfectionism trap?
22:25
Speaker 2
You know, when you say that, it makes me think of we want so much to look fantastic in the party dress that we bought, but because we're so stressed, we're shoving food down our mouth, kind of just cope with the stress.
22:41
And then it's this vicious cycle of, Oh my gosh, I'm gaining weight from all these parties.
I'm going to, but I want to look perfect like whoever it is on whatever media format we use.
And so that's another way that we end up really experiencing a ton of stress when if we just slow down a little bit, be really intentional about healthy eating and having those boundaries, A lot of people are just like, I'm just going to have fun and then after Christmas I'll start my diet.
23:09
But it is one of the areas that does add stress to people's lives.
So just having those boundaries and knowing what we're doing.
23:18
Speaker 1
I would say a lot of my patients are that way.
They're I'll get to it after after the holidays, the weight, you know, weight loss, but.
23:27
The Power and Flexibility of Holiday Traditions
All right.
So our last one number seven number.
23:30
Speaker 1
7.
23:31
Speaker 2
And we think this is really important for having a thriving holiday season, and that is.
23:40
Speaker 1
Tradition.
23:42
Speaker 2
Tradition.
23:44
Speaker 1
I love that movie.
Hitler on the roof.
Yeah, Tradition, tradition.
23:50
Speaker 2
Is tradition always good?
23:52
Speaker 1
Ah, that is a that question.
Probably not.
23:57
Speaker 2
Probably not.
23:58
Speaker 1
Probably not.
I think that's a safe answer.
24:02
Speaker 2
First of all, let me say traditions are super, super important.
There's a lot of research out there showing that families that do have traditions are much more resilient.
I don't know exactly why that is, other than perhaps it helps them know who they are.
24:21
Speaker 1
Brings them back to their identity, one of our four corners.
24:24
Speaker 2
Brings them together as a family to have, you know, certain ways they celebrate birthdays or Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever it is.
It helps with their identity and it helps them know where to come when things get really hard.
24:40
So traditions are really important.
But is there such thing as too many traditions, or traditions that maybe we need to let go?
24:50
Speaker 1
I think that's is totally up to each person, right?
If tradition is your thing, having many, many traditions, then I say you do your thing and hopefully your spouse goes along with you.
And if not, that's an opportunity for communication.
25:09
Speaker 2
So let me give you an example.
I talked about our Jerusalem dinner that we like to do on Christmas Eve.
One year we were visiting my aunt and uncle.
They live about an hour from us and we stayed so long that we didn't get back to do dinner.
25:29
So what did we do?
25:30
Speaker 1
We went to IHOP for Christmas Eve.
Yes, dinner.
25:35
Speaker 2
OK, so that was a one time thing because it was an emergency.
A few years later, we go to pick our daughter Emily up from the airport.
She's flying in on Christmas Eve and her flight was delayed.
We're all there waiting in our matching pyjamas and posters to pick her up at the airport.
25:53
Speaker 1
And her beanie hats, too.
25:54
Speaker 2
Yep, and we picked her up way later than we thought and we were really hungry.
So what did we do?
26:02
Speaker 1
I think she wanted to go to IHOP my love.
26:06
Speaker 2
So we went to IHOP again.
Now Scott wants to make that the tradition.
I want to make the Jewish dinner the tradition.
What do we do?
26:17
Speaker 1
Look, I think that we do the Jewish tradition because that's the safest bet.
26:23
Speaker 2
But we have an alternate when.
26:25
Speaker 1
Jerusalem dinner is not available.
Then we do IHOP, not Denny's IHOP.
I like to say that we have a Thanksgiving tradition.
26:38
Speaker 2
OK.
And it's not the same as mine, so why don't you?
26:42
Speaker 1
Well, we ended up going to Golden Corral Buffet one year for Thanksgiving.
I don't know why, but the kids loved it so much.
Was it the?
26:50
Speaker 2
Year that we totaled the car that day.
26:52
Speaker 1
No, no.
26:54
Speaker 2
It was before.
26:55
Speaker 1
That that was before that we first moved to Dallas and the kids loved it and I, we thought, hey, this could be a tradition and you are not having it.
27:03
Speaker 2
No, I didn't like that for a.
27:05
Speaker 1
Tradition.
But we've had, we've actually had Thanksgiving dinner three Times Now at Golden Corral Buffet.
27:13
Speaker 2
In 30 years, just.
27:14
Speaker 1
Saying it's a cultural experience, you know, it's all I can say.
It's fun.
Then we get to.
27:19
Speaker 2
Go home.
27:20
Speaker 1
Fun.
No.
Yeah, I don't have to do any dishes, my love.
27:27
Speaker 2
Oh, you may not always agree on what constitutes A tradition, but yeah, from time to time we may be a little flexible.
27:40
Speaker 1
Yeah, that's why we have our communication styles, right?
27:44
Speaker 2
Every once in a while, I give Scott his way.
27:47
Speaker 1
Every once in a while.
27:51
Centering Holidays Around Service and Meaningful Connection
Oh, so we do love centering traditions around service during the holiday season.
We've done that lots of different ways.
I think perhaps one of my favorites, after we decided we couldn't go to Ecuador every year to work in the orphanages, we let our kids sponsor a Kids for Kids concert where one of them was over publicity.
28:19
When the kids are maybe 8-9 up through 15 or 16, one of them was over finding other kids who were willing to perform musical numbers, comedy acts, dances, whatever they wanted.
28:34
One of them was over collecting shoes for all of the orphans at all of the orphanages that we'd gone to and almost over publicity.
She wrote the and we're talking and wrote press releases with a little bit of help, scheduled interviews on the radio.
Do you remember that?
28:50
I think you did the interview with her, made posters, and each of the kids took their roles very, very seriously.
We raised, I think $2500 or more for the orphanage organization, plus lots of pairs of shoes, many, many shoes, and that was really, really meaningful.
29:13
Speaker 1
Very meaningful.
29:15
Speaker 2
We've gone down in Dallas to take Christmas stockings to homeless people.
We've put things together like that.
We've done lots of different kinds of service, and for us, those kinds of traditions seem to make the holidays the most meaningful.
29:31
Speaker 1
I would agree.
29:32
Speaker 2
We also have traditions surrounding our faith.
What are some of those?
29:37
Speaker 1
Well, we do have a Christmas party at at our church get together dinner.
What we like to hang out with the folks from Mexico, Latin America.
They tend to party a little bit, Bunner, and we just love that whole population so much.
29:55
We of course like to put up Christmas trees and lights and Christmas music.
30:01
Speaker 2
We have a lot of nativities.
We love connecting with other people through going Christmas caroling as a family or sometimes just the two of us to send out Christmas cards.
We're big Christmas card writers, so if you want one of our Christmas cards this year, go ahead and e-mail us at hello@marriageiq.com and we will add you to our Christmas.
30:27
Speaker 1
List this year.
Send us your address.
We promise it will be enlightening and entertaining.
30:34
Speaker 2
Now I will tell you we have over 100 Christmas cards that we send out every year and we get so many comments back that ours is the favorite Christmas card because Scott's been writing him the last few years.
But even the kids took turns for many, many years writing them, and they were all so hilarious that people just can't wait.
30:55
Finding Hope During Difficult Holiday Seasons
That's a lot of pressure, my love.
Well, we're so glad that you've reached the end of this episode on how not to kill your spouse during the holidays and just really again want to share our love.
31:11
We hope that you feel our love for you.
Our audience, those who are listening, who are watching the Hastings love you.
We want you to have the best, most scintillating life together with your loved ones, and we mean that.
31:27
Speaker 2
We know sometimes it's really hard.
We've been through individually very, very, very difficult Christmas seasons, and I just want those of you who are in that spot this year to know it can get better.
31:46
It truly can get better.
Things don't stay terrible forever.
Keep having hope, keep being intentional, keep working on yourself.
31:58
Speaker 1
Yeah.
All right, folks, thanks for joining us today.
We hope you enjoy the Black Friday Deals today and we'll catch you on another exciting episode of.
32:09
Speaker 2
Marriage iq
