We tend to think intimacy is something a couple either has or doesn’t.
There’s chemistry. Or there isn’t.
There’s connection. Or somehow you’ve lost it.
When Scott and I met, it was like fireworks going off all the time!
But once he started grad school and we started our family, those fireworks became a distant memory.
We still loved each other deeply. But that exciting connection got buried under schedules, study time, work, and potty training.
So had we lost it?
Or had life simply crowded out some of the things that helped create it in the first place?
What if intimacy isn’t something that just happens to us, but is actually a skill we can develop?
One of the things that stood out to me in our conversation this week with Dr. Alexandra Stockwell was her idea that deeper intimacy requires us to become more fully known.
And being known takes some practice.
Think about how often we do the opposite.
We keep the peace.
We go along.
We don’t say what we really want because it seems easier not to.
Sometimes we get so busy accommodating everyone else that we aren’t even sure what we want anymore.
But your spouse can’t fully know you if you’re constantly erasing yourself.
That doesn’t mean demanding your way. It means learning to recognize what you feel, what you want, and what matters to you—and then letting your spouse see more of that person.
Intimacy isn’t something you just hope will magically return.
It’s something you can build.
Weekly Marriage Tip:
Notice one small preference, feeling, or desire you would normally keep to yourself—and lovingly let your spouse know you.
Link to this week's episode: Intimacy Is a Skill, Not Chemistry
