The Confident Husband

Do you think a man should be a strong and protective husband?

(Think Shrek: “Back away from my wife!”)

Or a vulnerable and emotionally open one?

(Think Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.)

A few years ago, Scott and I sat with a couple who were struggling in their marriage.

We introduced them to an idea supported by Brené Brown’s research: vulnerability creates connection.

The wife expressed how deeply she longed for that kind of emotional openness.

But her husband argued with us for 30 minutes that vulnerability was weakness.

Who do you agree with—the wife or the husband?

For me, the answer is both.

When I’m feeling insecure, inadequate, overwhelmed, or in a state of emotional crisis, I need Scott to be my rock. I need him to feel steady, strong, and safe.

But during intimate moments, when I’m feeling calm and secure, or when we need to repair after conflict, I also need him to be soft, honest, and vulnerable.

I understand why this can feel confusing to men.

But strength and vulnerability are not opposites. When a husband learns how to offer both, it can create greater security, connection, and intimacy in the marriage.

This week on Marriage iQ, we talk with Paul Roseberry, a relationship expert and former matchmaker who worked for two of the largest matchmaking services in the country.

Paul explains why confidence is one of the most important qualities a man can bring into a relationship—and how genuine confidence allows a man to be both strong and emotionally available.

Want to learn how to build that kind of confidence?

👉 Here's the link.

Action Tip:

Ask yourself this question today:

"What does my spouse need from me right now—strength or vulnerability?"

Sometimes your spouse needs a rock to lean on. Other times they simply need someone who is willing to say, "I'm scared," "I'm hurting," or "I need you." Neither is weakness. Both are acts of love.

If you have missed other Marriage iQ Weekly Tip emails, here is a link to catch up on them!