Before You Fix It

I’m really good at listening, evaluating a circumstance, and coming up with resources or suggestions.

I do it all the time!

With clients. With my kids. With my friends. With my husband.

But I’m starting to learn that isn’t always a good thing.

And it took a friend to recently help me see it.

I was really burdened with worries one day. My friend asked me what was going on.

As I explained, she listened.

Then I saw tears well up in her eyes.

She didn’t give me suggestions. She didn’t offer resources or tell me what I should do.

She simply grabbed my hand and cried with me.

I learned so much that day.

Sometimes the most loving response isn’t advice.

It’s letting someone know, “I see what you’re feeling, and I’m here with you.”

And I realized there was something I needed to change in my marriage too.

Sometimes Scott doesn’t need me to analyze the problem he tells me about or suggest what he should do.

Sometimes he simply needs me to understand what he is feeling and respond to what he emotionally needs.

This week on Marriage iQ, international communication expert Sandy Gerber teaches this same principle—and gives us four concrete communication tools to help us do it better.

👉 Here's the link.

Action Tip:

The next time your spouse brings you a problem, resist the urge to immediately fix it.

Before offering advice, ask yourself:

What does my spouse emotionally need from me right now?

Then try responding to that before responding to the problem.