The Listening Blind Spot

If you haven’t picked up on this yet, being a marriage expert does not mean you are flawless at navigating marriage.

In fact, since starting Marriage IQ, both Scott and I have glaringly seen more of our own flaws than ever before!

That can feel heavy.

That’s part of why we have taken a few weeks off this summer to let our guests do some of the heavy lifting while we catch our breath.

Sometimes, seeing our own flaws can also feel a bit shameful.

But more often, we appreciate the chance to correct things we simply haven’t seen in ourselves before.

That is why we really try to get vulnerable with you.

We want you to understand that we are learning too. So let’s learn together.

Case in point. A couple of days ago, we recorded a great episode on why it’s so hard to listen deeply to your spouse.

Scott vulnerably shared the aha moment when he realized he wasn’t as good a listener as he thought he was.

I thought it was really great for him to finally figure that out! 😉

👉 Here’s the link. You’re not going to want to miss this episode.

But the story doesn’t end there.

As I sat down to create content for social media and for this blog, I had an epiphany of my own.

This morning, in our weekly Marriage IQ meeting, I…yes, I…had a hard time sitting in the discomfort of listening when Scott’s opinions were very different from mine.

I could feel my chest tightening while I tried to show him why I was right and he was…well…not so right.

Several times.

Bombshell.

In fact, as I reread last week’s blog—where I started out by saying I’m a good listener—I wanted to curl up in a corner and either cry or laugh at the irony of it!

Because apparently, knowing how to listen and actually being able to stay present when what you hear makes you uncomfortable are two very different things.

And that may be the biggest lesson from this week’s episode.

We hope that after listening, you too will be able to see something you may not have seen in yourself before.

And maybe, like us, you’ll have an opportunity to become just a little more intelligent at loving the person you married.

Action Tip:

The next time your spouse says something you disagree with or that makes you uncomfortable, pay attention to what happens inside you.

Notice yourself.

Does your chest tighten? Do you start preparing your defense? Do you want to correct, explain, or fix?

Before responding, take one breath and ask yourself:

“Am I still listening—or am I already preparing my response?”

Then stay curious for just a little longer.