Rekindling Desire
Sexless marriages are on the rise in the U.S.
According to sociologists and sex therapists, a marriage where the couple has intercourse 10 times per year or less is often considered sexless.
The thing is, for most couples, this isn’t an intentional decision.
They just quit prioritizing their relationship.
Kids, work, hobbies, church… they all come first.
Then sexual desire seems to fade into thin air.
Gone. Just like that!
Most couples don’t know exactly why. They just know they don’t feel connected anymore.
Some long for how it used to be—but they don’t know where to start.
Here are a couple of things we’ve found helpful when we fall into that slump.
First, look for the good in each other. I used to leave little sticky notes on Scott’s bathroom mirror with something I appreciated about him that day.
It changed my feelings about him—and helped him feel more valued.
Now he leaves love notes for me on Friday mornings.
That helps desire grow.
Second, we go on a walk for a few minutes nearly every night and check in with each other about our feelings, what we appreciate about each other, what we need from each other, anything we need to apologize for, and some successes we had that day.
It takes about five minutes.
But the payoff is great!
Verbalizing those things—even when it feels vulnerable—creates connection. And connection helps create the conditions for desire.
Our guest this week, sex therapist Dr. Anna Elton, shares simple ways to increase desire and connection in your relationship.
This episode is really taking off already. She is hitting spot on for a lot of people!
Be sure to listen!
Weekly Tip:
Take five minutes to connect. Put away your phones, take a short walk or sit together, and each share one thing you appreciate, one thing you’re feeling, and one thing you need.
A couple of other options:
Notice the good. Tell your spouse one specific thing you appreciated about them today.
Protect the “we.” Set aside a few minutes this week that are just about the two of you—not kids, schedules, work, or logistics.
Let’s light that fire!
