Before the Breaking Point

Scott and I just got back today from nine days of humanitarian work in Rwanda—about 30 hours of flight time each way, a canceled flight, many hours trying to get rebooked, and eventually being forced to leave our son and his wife there because we got rebooked on flights and they didn’t.

Every night, it felt like we were about to break and didn’t have one more ounce of ourselves to give.

But miraculously, every morning we woke up ready to keep going.

Sleep restores the body.

But what restores a marriage?

There are times when marriages get worn down too—not usually by one dramatic event, but by accumulated strain that is never repaired.

And what happens when those repairs aren’t made?

Eventually, you can hit a breaking point where it feels like things will never get better. You—and maybe your spouse—start wondering if it would be easier to call it quits.

Over the past few days in Rwanda, we spent a lot of time talking with women and men about marriage, intimacy, and the kinds of relationship problems that can quietly build over time.

One day, I was invited into the men’s class to hold a Q&A about healthy intimacy and sexuality.

Most of their questions had to do with affairs, money problems, or conflict.

Sounds a lot like marriage problems here in the U.S.

The kinds of problems that can eventually land couples in divorce court.

But the more I listened, the more I realized that many of the overwhelming problems they were describing had roots in issues that had gone unresolved for years.

Miscommunication.

Longing to be cherished.

Not knowing who they are.

Power imbalances.

Problems that, if faced earlier and more directly, might have given their marriages a much better chance to repair and restore.

On this week’s episode of Marriage IQ, we sit down with Nicole Sodoma, a marriage-loving divorce attorney, who reveals what she has learned about what happens before the breaking point of divorce—and how couples can use those lessons to repair and restore their marriage before the damage becomes much harder to undo.

We hope you will join us! Listen here.

Weekly Tip:

Make one repair.

This week, ask yourself: Is there one small hurt, misunderstanding, or recurring tension between us that we have never really repaired?

Don’t try to solve your whole marriage. Choose just one.

Find a calm moment and say, “I don’t want this to keep coming between us. Can we talk about what happened and what each of us needs now?”

Small repairs made consistently can keep small problems from becoming much bigger ones.