What if the very thing that made you fall in love with your spouse is the same thing you're now trying to change?
Think about that for a minute.
Isn't it interesting how we can admire a quality in our spouse when it works in our favor, but see that exact same quality as a flaw when it doesn't?
I've always loved Scott's confidence. But when that confidence leads him to take a risk I'm not quite comfortable with? Well, suddenly I'm not such a fan!
And here's another one. I feel connected when we talk things through. Scott often feels connected through physical affection. We're both wanting the same thing—intimacy—but sometimes we go about getting it in completely different ways.
Good grief! No wonder marriage can be so perplexing!
Welcome to the fascinating world of paradoxes!
Here's what's really interesting. We want strength AND tenderness. Independence AND connection. Security AND adventure.
And somehow, we expect our spouse to understand all these seemingly contradictory needs, even when we don't entirely understand them ourselves!
In this week's episode of Marriage iQ, Scott and I explore the fascinating paradox of masculine and feminine traits, and why the very differences that attract us to each other can also become our greatest frustrations.
And something happened at a recent retreat that really opened our eyes. Let's just say we found ourselves stepping into some unexpected roles, and what we discovered gave us a whole new perspective on our marriage.
But here's the question I really want you to consider: What if the very thing you've been trying to change about your spouse is actually something your marriage needs?
Now THAT is a paradox worth exploring!
Weekly Marriage Tip:
This week, I want you to try something that might just change the way you see your spouse.
Think of one trait in your spouse that occasionally drives you crazy.
Maybe it's their stubbornness, sensitivity, independence, or their need to talk everything through.
Now ask yourself: What's the positive side of that very same trait?
Could stubbornness also be determination? Could sensitivity be compassion? Could independence be confidence?
Here's your challenge: The next time that frustrating trait shows up, pause before reacting and intentionally look for the good in it.
Then take it one step further. Tell your spouse what you appreciate about that quality.
You might be surprised at what happens when you stop seeing a difference as a problem and start seeing it as a gift.
Remember, sometimes the biggest change we need in our marriage isn't in our spouse. It's in our perspective.
To learn more, watch or listen to This Week's Marriage iQ Episode → then share it with your spouse!
