Contempt Kills Connection

Contempt is more than just eye rolls and sarcasm—it’s a hidden power play that can quietly destroy a marriage.

Dr. John Gottman calls contempt “sulfuric acid for relationships.” It’s the tone that says, “I’m better than you,” even if the words sound polite. It shows up in sneering, belittling, superiority, and subtle jabs meant to keep control.

For some, contempt wasn’t a conscious choice—it was learned. Modeled at the dinner table. Used as a shield against shame. But it’s corrosive, even when it’s unconscious.

According to Pia Mellody, one of the most dangerous lies we believe is that one person is better than another. Real intimacy only thrives when we see each other as same as—equally human, equally valuable, equally flawed.

Action Tip:

Next time you feel yourself gearing up to react…
Stop.
Take one slow breath.
And ask: What would connection look like right now?

Tune into Episode 70 of Marriage IQ to learn more!

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