Stay in the Room
Most couples think intimacy is about communication. Close—but the engine underneath is anxiety tolerance: the courage to stay present and honest when your stomach flips. It’s uncomfortable to say, “I feel lonely with you,” or, “Can we talk about our sex life?” That edge of risk is exactly where connection grows.
When we dodge discomfort, marriages get stable but flat—predictable calendars, polite conversations, zero spark. When we can tolerate the flutter (without attacking, fixing, or fleeing), we create the safety needed for real truth. That’s when the “oh, shoot” moment happens—Oh… I finally see what you’ve been trying to say. You haven’t solved it yet, but you’re on the same bridge.
Intimacy isn’t nonstop fireworks; it’s choosing presence over protection. Practice it for a week and watch how quickly warmth returns.
Action Tip:
Pick one topic you’ve been avoiding (desire, worry, boundary).
Say: “I want us to feel close. Can we do 10 minutes where we listen, not fix?”
Speaker shares for 3 minutes. Listener only reflects back: “What I’m hearing is…”
Switch roles.
End with: “One small step I can take is ____.”
Set a timer. Breathe through the flutter. Stay in the room. That’s intimacy in motion.
Tune into Episodes 89 and 90 of Marriage IQ to learn more!
If you have missed other Marriage IQ Weekly Tip emails, here is a link to catch up on them!
