Episode 64. Erotic Energy: Understanding Desire, Arousal & Co-Creation in Marriage (Part 2)
Reigniting Passion: How Eros Energy Can Transform Your Marriage
Have you ever felt like the passion in your relationship has faded, leaving you and your partner more like roommates than lovers? You're not alone. Many couples, even those with strong foundations, find themselves struggling to reignite the spark over time. But here’s the good news: the key to reawakening intimacy might be found in an often-overlooked force—Eros energy.
Eros doesn’t just mean bringing back the physical attraction—it’s about fostering a deeper, emotional connection that transforms your entire bond.
What Is Eros Energy, Really?
You’ve probably heard the word “Eros” used in a romantic context, but let’s break it down a bit more. Eros energy isn’t just about the rush of attraction or the intensity of sexual desire—it’s the dynamic, life-giving force that fuels emotional connection, passion, and intimacy. Think of it as the spark that keeps you feeling alive and close to your partner, even when life gets busy and stressful.
Amy and Greg emphasize that Eros isn’t about pressure to perform or expectations to always "feel something" in the bedroom. It’s about creating a flow of energy between you and your partner—a playful, loving, and nurturing force that helps you stay connected on every level: emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.
So, if you’ve been feeling like your marriage could use a bit of a jolt, tapping into Eros energy might just be the key to unlocking a whole new level of closeness.
What’s Blocking Eros Energy in Your Marriage?
Understanding the roadblocks to Eros energy can be eye-opening. In my conversation with the Langfords, I learned there are three major hurdles that keep couples from fully embracing this powerful force in their relationships:
1. Fear and Safety Concerns
A lot of couples shy away from deepening their intimacy because of vulnerability. Maybe there’s a past hurt, a fear of rejection, or a lack of trust that’s keeping you from exploring new layers of your connection. It’s natural to have these fears, but they can also block your ability to experience the full range of intimacy. Eros energy thrives in an emotionally safe space, so it’s essential to work together to create that environment—one where both partners feel free to be fully themselves.
2. The Routine Trap
Life’s demands—work, kids, responsibilities—can easily overshadow the emotional and physical connection in a marriage. When you’re bogged down by daily routines, intimacy can feel like an afterthought. But here’s the truth: relationships need intentional care. Eros doesn’t thrive on autopilot; it needs space, attention, and most importantly, time. Prioritizing your relationship, even in the smallest ways, can bring Eros back to life.
3. Different Desires, Different Needs
Amy’s personal revelation in our conversation was a game-changer: she shared that she needs to feel emotionally aroused first, which then helps her access her sexual desires. This is where understanding the differences in spontaneous vs. responsive desire comes into play. While men may often experience more spontaneous desire (the "I want it now" feeling), women typically have responsive desire, where the feeling of attraction and arousal comes after emotional connection and engagement.
This shift in perspective is key. It’s not about expecting your partner to be exactly like you; it’s about understanding each other’s needs and honoring them with patience and empathy.
How to Cultivate Eros Energy in Your Marriage
Ready to bring more Eros energy into your relationship? Here’s how you can start today:
1. Create Space for Open Conversations
It’s easy to let life get in the way of deep conversations. But if you want to reignite the spark, you’ve got to talk openly about your desires, your fears, and everything in between. Amy and Greg encourage couples to start with simple, honest dialogues about what you both need to feel loved and desired. Whether it’s talking about how your day went or discussing your sexual desires, communication is the bedrock of intimacy.
2. Embrace the Energy of Arousal, Without Pressure
What if you reframed arousal as an energy that doesn’t always have to lead to a specific outcome? Imagine if your intimate moments could just be about feeling good—without pressure to "perform." Amy and Greg suggest approaching arousal as a life-giving energy, something to be enjoyed without the expectation of an immediate result. When you let go of this pressure, it opens the door for more authentic, relaxed intimacy.
3. Be Intentional About Creating Time for Intimacy
Life will always be busy, but your relationship needs time to thrive. Whether it’s a date night, a quiet evening at home, or simply a few minutes of physical touch before bed, intentionality matters. Set aside time to connect, even if it’s just for a few minutes. This consistency will help you both stay grounded in each other and keep the Eros energy flowing.
4. Co-Create Your Intimate Experience
Instead of one partner being the sole initiator, try creating your intimate experience together. Whether it’s planning a romantic night in or exploring new sexual ideas, collaborating on how you express your intimacy can make the experience more fulfilling. Mutual investment in the relationship makes the emotional connection even stronger.
Breaking Free from Societal and Personal Barriers
Many of us grow up with societal messages about sex and intimacy that can be limiting. The Langfords reminded me that you’re not broken—no matter what you've been through. Shifting away from these old beliefs and embracing your full sexual and emotional potential can feel liberating. When you accept that you’re worthy of great intimacy, you start breaking down the walls that prevent you from feeling that connection in your marriage.
So, if you’re feeling disconnected or unsure, don’t be discouraged. Instead, focus on creating a new perspective. Eros energy isn’t just for a select few—it’s available to every couple willing to nurture it.
Conclusion: Rekindle the Spark, and Let Eros Lead the Way
Eros energy isn’t some mystical force—it’s something tangible, something you can cultivate in your relationship every day. It’s not just about great sex; it’s about feeling deeply connected, loved, and understood by your partner. By removing barriers, prioritizing intimacy, and embracing your desires with intention, you can unlock a new level of closeness and passion in your marriage.
So, what are you waiting for? Begin nurturing the Eros energy in your relationship today and watch your connection transform.
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Welcome back, everyone. We are excited to finish up our interview with the Langfords. This is part two. If you're just jumping in, go back to the Tuesday episode of this week for part one where we introduce them.[00:00:15 - 00:00:16]
Amy and Greg.[00:00:16 - 00:00:17]
Amy and Greg.[00:00:17 - 00:00:17]
Yeah.[00:00:17 - 00:01:03]
And they are talking to us about Eros energy and their experience as a married couple. Just not quite figuring things out for a lot of years, and then, boom, clicking it and really just getting that vision of sexuality and marriage, the relationship, intimacy, and marriage. And they've really hit on our four cornerstones of learning, identity, intentionality, and insight intimacy. So buckle up and join us as we launch right into part two of Marriage IQ with the Langfords. Welcome to Marriage IQ, the podcast for the intelligent spouse.[00:01:04 - 00:01:06]
I'm Dr. Heidi Hastings.[00:01:06 - 00:01:08]
And I'm Dr. Scott Hastings.[00:01:08 - 00:02:15]
We are two doctors, two researchers, two spouses, two lovers, and two incredibly different human beings coming together for one purpose. To transform the stinky parts of your marriage into scintillating ones, using intelligence mixed with a little fun. We've talked a little bit about safety and security being one of the things that may keep us from exploring Eros or developing more Eros or tapping into more Eros in our life. We've talked about, I guess we could say, distraction in a way, or life's duties that keep us from feeling that Eros, that excitement, that light that shine that keeps us alive emotionally and relationally. What other roadblocks might there be? Have you seen anything else in couples or in yourselves? Well, pornography would be one that eventually came from earlier. Inability to explore Eros. Right. But have you seen any others?[00:02:16 - 00:02:40]
I think one of the key points that we talk a lot about is that there is differences in sexual desires, and we try not to generalize them too much, but it does fall along line. Male and female. Right. And we like to call them spontaneous and responsive desires. Right. So Han, spontaneous person is someone that just at the drop of the hat, I'm the spontaneous person. I told Amy 24 7, wake me up, I'm ready to go. We can be intimate.[00:02:40 - 00:02:43]
He calls himself trisexual, meaning he'll try anything.[00:02:43 - 00:03:13]
I love that club. So that's that spontaneous type of desire. It's often found in males. Not always, but it's often. And the more responsive part of desire, females, it takes a different path to get you there. It blew my mind to find out that Amy had to get aroused first before she could figure out what her sexual desires even were. I'm like, what are you talking about? That's crazy. Like I have a whole math in my head of 150 things. We can do that.[00:03:13 - 00:03:14]
And it takes time.[00:03:15 - 00:03:15]
Right.[00:03:16 - 00:03:18]
15, 30 minutes, however.[00:03:19 - 00:03:22]
Well, I have no idea what you're talking about. I can't relate at all.[00:03:24 - 00:03:35]
Well, you're strange. Beyond trying to find someone, beyond trying to find yourself and be whole. That's the second biggest roadblock we will become is the differences in sexual design.[00:03:36 - 00:04:11]
And often women are looking at their male counterparts expecting their sexual desire to appear in the same way. And males are looking at their wives expecting their sexual desire to appear in the same way. And in that judgmental space, they're really just speaking from their own experience or, you know, not recognizing that the other is quite different. And for women, the physical and emotional part of sexual desire are separate. So a woman can be physically aroused but not emotionally desire that.[00:04:11 - 00:04:14]
Yes, you can thank Emily Nagowski.[00:04:14 - 00:04:15]
Yeah.[00:04:15 - 00:04:35]
And it happens a lot. And so their husbands might be confused saying, I saw you aroused because arousal for them is physically and emotionally connecting. And they don't understand how could you not want that? And so there's some common misunderstandings that really come up just in understanding male and female desire or responsive and spontaneous.[00:04:35 - 00:04:44]
You know, we did an episode on female sexual capacity and that episode has risen to number three.[00:04:44 - 00:05:13]
And it's talked about the scientific underpinnings of that both males and females do have similar sex drives or libidos organs. Actually, biologically, it's just expressed differently. And so when we talk about lower sexual desire, we are very careful about that because as you are stating, it just shows up differently. And in the scientific research, we've always approached it from the perspective of a male.[00:05:13 - 00:05:16]
Yes, yes. It's been male centric 2010.[00:05:16 - 00:05:36]
The idea of libido, the idea of sex drive, it's always done through. What are you thinking of spontaneously and that they're defining it wrong. And so we're trying to reword that because that sexual desire actually a lot of times is very equal. It's just you don't know how to find it unless you really work on it.[00:05:36 - 00:05:41]
And for a woman to hear that this is a possibility blows her mind.[00:05:41 - 00:05:55]
It was so wonderful. We just did a retreat not too long ago and I think every single woman there, it was life changing to her to say, I'm not broken, there's nothing wrong with me. And we have really tried to eradicate the words high and low. Desire.[00:05:55 - 00:05:55]
Yeah.[00:05:55 - 00:05:56]
Because.[00:05:56 - 00:05:56]
Thank you.[00:05:56 - 00:06:00]
It was like a stacked rank. One is more important, the other. And that's why.[00:06:00 - 00:06:07]
Yes, we have higher and lower desires at different times of life over different things. Like, there's a lot of variations.[00:06:07 - 00:06:16]
Yes, that fluctuates up and down. Sexual desire over periodically in the moment. But overall, from a general life standpoint.[00:06:16 - 00:06:17]
You get the kids out of the.[00:06:17 - 00:06:41]
House and right away, my spontaneous friends, if you just get the hell out of the way, focus on how the woman does this. It is very beneficial for both of us. And that's what I learned. Like, oh my gosh, I've been doing a bit wrong. If I could just get out of the way and allow Amy to get into her desires from a responsive way. Man, that's fun. I like it. Yeah, I'm a big fan.[00:06:42 - 00:06:43]
Changes a lot.[00:06:44 - 00:08:20]
We've also talked a lot with our clients about arousal because arousal in and of itself is very life giving, life vibrant. And so often though, the message in couples is that if there is any arousal, it has to be solved immediately. And so just allowing this energy, this experience to not be defined by having to be solved or having to lead to an orgasm, allowing there to be arousal, affection, sexual interaction, playfulness, and not have it be obligated to like, okay, now we have to do this, that there's freedom. Aerosynergy does live on the end of where we're at, like the edges, right. So freedom not from morality, but freedom to express and to be in this energy and not have to be obligated towards a particular end. And I think a lot of the couples we coach are like, what? Yes, you can just be in this arousal. And I'm like, yes, it can just be an energy that lights you up and that you are excited to be in and excited to share with this person. And sometimes we have them just practice being an arousal and not solving it for a week or different time periods. They get to choose that obviously. And they discover like when you put sexual intimacy into the box of solving an arousal, or that it's a need, or that this such and such and such has to happen, or it's defined by orgasm. You actually really limited the freedom and vibrancy of it.[00:08:20 - 00:09:10]
So I'm never going to go a doctor. If you ever decide to go back and be a doctor again, I would love someone to study this. I think there is a correlation very much with the way that we were raised in the very beginning, especially males that we learned about our sexuality. We learned it was dangerous to control it, we had to do something about it. And our minds, we have learned that we have to fix this. It's something to solve, something to fix. And when we get into our adulthood and we try to share this with our spouse, it causes all kinds of problems because if we don't have this perfect 1, 2, 3, orgasm, climax, orgasm, then we failed. And that's not what sexual relationship really is about. It's about connection and being one with each other and joining each other. So I would love some medical research around early childhood development, around the concepts of especially males, what sexuality is.[00:09:11 - 00:10:37]
Social science would be where one aspect to look at it, medical science might be another. But interestingly, my research looked at the women's perspective from that and the messages that she received about sexuality is, no, no, no, it's bad. But then it's supposed to be amazing. I heard one person tell the story, yeah, we had sex 27 times on our honeymoon. Which then for the person that related this to me, that devastated her when that was not their story. It took a long, long time for them to feel comfortable at all. And so the stories that that circulate, the messaging with underdeveloped minds of adolescents, you know, we hear messages and the messages are incomplete. That then in turn impacts our sexual relationship as couples. Later, it can be pretty devastating. My research was on women with husbands with problematic pornography use. And so it really amplified the problematic parts to the relationship because they were taking these messages about sex. And it created a lot of confusing messages all the way around. Having more clear understandings of how this works in our homes, talking with our kids about it from a more healthy way just sets them up for more success.[00:10:37 - 00:10:52]
I believe I've seen it multiple times from a female perspective. And I almost think because the cultural shows that males have sexual prowess and this is inherited, I almost feel like we haven't had that research done so much from a childhood development and what it looks like from a male perspective.[00:10:52 - 00:11:10]
I will say that there are definitely genetic proclivities, right. That are inborn in our DNA as males to procreate and that you cannot dig out, you can't rewire, you can't environmentally coach or culture.[00:11:11 - 00:12:20]
By the way, Heidi, what you described was my exact experience. On the flip side, for women and females, what's missing is the freedom to develop neurotic mind. Yes, good women don't experience sexual thoughts, that good women don't have sexual desires. Good women focus on being good wives and good mothers. But there isn't a lot of either. Modeling discussion shows literature on how to balance being a good wife and mom or a queer woman and being a sexual erotic woman, that is Also missing. And so when I talk to so many women, they have never had the freedom to develop a sexual desire or a sexual mind or to explore what eroticism could look like for them. And so men may be juggling how to integrate it in that way, but women are also juggling their own struggle towards integrating that in a way that feels authentic and also can create the beauty that it's intended to create.[00:12:20 - 00:12:20]
Right.[00:12:20 - 00:12:36]
And period. If we could just be more open and honest. Let's talk about it. There could be more podcasts like this. Not so taboo. Whether we're coming from a male perspective and we're doing it a certain way, or we're coming from a female perspective, but we don't. That's the problem. Who sat around with their friends to talk about their sexual lives?[00:12:36 - 00:12:44]
Yeah. Let's talk about things from an educated. From a healthy sexual agency perspective.[00:12:44 - 00:13:15]
I was just coaching a woman yesterday, and she said, I have never thought of myself in the context of just having inherent sexuality. It's always been to service my husband. Right. And then my next question was, well, why would you choose to be sexual then? And this is often something that men may have the more spontaneous and be learning to integrate sexuality in that way. But in the agentic position, too, women also need to recognize it is inherently part of who you are. And how and why do you want to use this.[00:13:16 - 00:13:25]
This big in comparison to spirituality compared to relational. A lot of different relationships minimizing.[00:13:25 - 00:13:28]
Like we minimize. To me, it's this important. Right.[00:13:28 - 00:13:37]
It's like it's stunted. Growth is stunted because we have not learned that that is a good thing.[00:13:37 - 00:13:38]
Possibility. Right.[00:13:38 - 00:13:57]
Or even how to give and receive in it. Or. Yeah. That it is even goodness, in fact, not even being good. It's been like, suppress it, move away from it, don't ever, like, see it. Or again, I'm not encouraging watching something, but just that it. It's like, oh, no. If you come in contact with that, you're now on the slippery slope and you're doomed.[00:13:57 - 00:13:58]
So how do we fix this?[00:14:00 - 00:14:02]
Seems to me like it's going to take a lot of intentionality.[00:14:03 - 00:14:21]
That's a real concern that I can see. It's. I don't want to. I don't want to go too far. I don't want to jump off the ledge and do something totally, totally deep end here. How could I go to the deep end without breaking my neck?[00:14:21 - 00:15:26]
I found this very interesting because in all other parts of our lives, we're willing to maybe try stuff and Say, hey, that didn't work, and I'm okay. For some reason, in this part of life, we think if we even step a toe forward in a place that we think that someone else set a vanity for us, then we're going to go to hell. We're down. Satan, slept with yourself. It's done. Right. We don't allow ourselves to be grown adults in this area. To be honest with you. I think the first part of it is growing up and understanding you need to decide what's good for you, period. Not what anyone else tells you. I don't disagree that we have these boundaries and some society puts on us and maybe our church puts on some stuff. Those are good things to help us be good people. But ultimately, there's no value in just blindly following those things. We need to inherently figure out what is right for us. And so you make a great point. Like, we have this thing like, I can't even go to the edge because I'll fall straight off and die. Right. But it's the only place in life we talk about this. We really have this agency to go figure out what's right for us, what's wrong with us. If it doesn't work, we can back off and say no, but we don't do that in this case. Christian.[00:15:26 - 00:15:43]
I like that. I like that. What do you think about perhaps thinking intentionally? Because we talk about intentionality here. So sitting down with ourselves and saying, hey, self, I am a sexual being, too.[00:15:43 - 00:15:46]
And some people can't even get that far. So it just takes some.[00:15:46 - 00:16:09]
Yeah, yeah, you're okay. That's a good point. But just maybe just sitting down with myself and saying, okay, I'm a sexual being. I'm a male. I am a intellectual being. I'm a physician, I'm a scientist, I am a spiritual being. I am all these other things. But now what does being a sexual being look like and what does that.[00:16:09 - 00:16:13]
Sexuality desire and how does it desire to be expressed or developed?[00:16:13 - 00:16:14]
Yeah.[00:16:14 - 00:16:22]
Look like in the same way that you approach that for your. Your health, your intellect, your spirituality, maybe your finances, your parenting.[00:16:22 - 00:16:24]
Having balance in all of those.[00:16:24 - 00:16:24]
Right.[00:16:25 - 00:16:25]
Yeah.[00:16:25 - 00:17:17]
We did this exercise of retreats where we have a piece of paper. We have people sit down and say, we want you to listen to your sexual self and write down what your desires are. And you wouldn't believe how many. It's mostly our women folk, but some male folk, too. They'll just sit there and look at the newspaper, not know. We have a wonderful story of an individual. The first time they came to treat. All they had on their paper was tears stains, like, I don't know. Yeah, but it was asking that question that was so important. Now this person is now a coach, an intimacy coach. That's how they've taken this. And they've said, I'm going to figure out what it means to be a sexual being. I'm going to figure out what my sexual desires are. And it, it's very odd to find people that can even think in that realm. And it's even being intentional to ask that question. And you say, I get those answers.[00:17:18 - 00:18:17]
So this is a little controversial what I'm gonna say, but I think it's true. I think generally speaking, again, I'm not trying to stereotype. We never try to stereotype on this program. But we talked about males, their genetic makeup, and I think females genetic make tech. We talk about them being more responsive. So let's, let's think this all the way down the road. A responsive person may not be able to come up with a design on their own, let's say a logo, but they'll have a bunch of other people make logos and they'll say, I like that one, I like this one. This looks great. And so perhaps women are more just responsive to that sexual palette that their husband presents. And I'm saying that's not necessarily good. Right. But I think it does explain perhaps some biology here a little bit where it might be a little bit more difficult for women to sit down with themselves and be intentional about their sexual.[00:18:17 - 00:18:19]
Cells and envision everything that they like.[00:18:19 - 00:18:23]
Because we've already talked about your libido being more responsive.[00:18:23 - 00:18:24]
Right.[00:18:24 - 00:18:44]
More contextual, as spontaneous as men. Again, not trying to stereotype. 30% of women are spontaneous with their sexual desires. That still leaves 70% who are more responsive. So I, I'm thinking it might be a little bit harder for women in general to sit and do this exercise than men.[00:18:45 - 00:19:28]
And I would agree with that. But I would say I think it's because they think they have to have this outline of I want this position and this touch and this. Where I find when women are more in touch with their sexual desire, it might be more about emotional context or how they want to feel or how they want to be free in their body or how they want to be received or how they want to be worshiped or the turn on or feel like the heroine or the chosen one. And so yes, the actual context of what is written might look very different. Whereas men have a very like visual played out scene of all the comings and goings and all of the interaction, it may look very different, but that doesn't mean it's any less useful.[00:19:29 - 00:21:18]
We kind of co creation, right? We, we often talk about playground in this sexual realm. What is your sexual playground? One that blows a lot of people's mind, especially women like me. Playground. This is fun. We're supposed to have fun here. Yes, but there's two problems here, I think. One, as a male and as a more spontaneous desire person, I have built that playground. I have all kinds of things on the towers, things I know exactly all the things that we need to do to have fun. Amy had a client that said, I have a Ferrari here. Just get in my Ferrari. It will be fun, I promise. Why do we have to go to your minivan all the time? I swear, if you just get in the Ferrari. What he didn't realize is that when we don't co create this together and we use those differences, we talk about arrows and where it's born. It's born between those differences. I need someone that can build towers and playgrounds. I also need someone to understand how to use those and how to integrate those in. And I told my last group of men, I said we can go blow the hell out of your playground. Blow it up, right? Take a bulldozer, push it off and let's co create this thing together. Because when you do that, all those things you had in mind as a spontaneous person you thought were great, they become great because they're co created and you're connected. And really the turn on for us men is to watch our lives get turned off. That's what we love. And if we don't do this co creation, they're never going to get there. We're never going to get what we want. But we think we know what we want because we've, we've done this. So let's take these differences and not make them differences. Let's make them positives. Let's make them make them things that we can put together to create this intentional loving eros opportunity for couples that can grow and desire. It's beautiful. With both sides can come at it and create.[00:21:19 - 00:21:36]
I love the Ferrari minivan analogy and I think that that speaks volumes right there. And Amy, I also love your, your list of other possibilities for what your female desire looks like.[00:21:36 - 00:21:37]
Yes, very good.[00:21:37 - 00:22:07]
The way or just her, her creation. Her tapping into ideas of what makes her sexual being what it is. And that's, that's beautiful. That's wonderful. Some of the things you said are different than what I would have thought of. So that even opens my mind up to new ways of thinking about that. I love it. This has really been fantastic. And we would love to have you share any final thoughts that you have on this.[00:22:07 - 00:22:52]
To me, I think, just so everyone out there understands this is not part of life. Right. We don't get it right. A lot of the time we struggled. And we're not the only couple. We're just the one that's gone on this journey. We happen to have the microphones, find people like this all over the place. And so you're not alone. If you think you're broken and there's something wrong with you, you're not. Now. The society you're in and the circumstances you have may be bad and they may be broken, but as a human being, you're not broken. And that we love to be able to help everyone understand that we're not alone. And that's my biggest takeaway, is that this is. This is life and this is how couples work. And there's ways to get better and.[00:22:52 - 00:23:32]
That every marriage gets to learn how to develop through this. Nothing is wrong with your marriage again, or with you. Yes, there are misunderstandings that are limited. There are patterns that are not functional. There are ways that you have created these meanings that are actually not supporting desire. And those are the things that you address that actually you as a human being have the capacity for desire, for arrows, and to create a thriving sexual intimacy. But it does require addressing framings of your own sexuality, your own identity. Maybe some of the patterns that you've set up, those are the things that are not working.[00:23:33 - 00:24:03]
And marriage is the greatest exposure. It's going to expose your worst parts. That's how it was designed. And when we think that we're going to go into marriage and have this happy way after, and right in Sunset, it's just the opposite. And we can deal with it in two ways. We can ignore it and we cannot process through it. And we can do all kinds of crazy stuff to try to avoid it for the end. If we can realize that exposing something in us that we can work on, then, man, you can really change. It is possible. We had messed it up a lot and there's nothing special about us.[00:24:03 - 00:24:08]
Glad you learned it now because there are people who live their entire lives without getting it.[00:24:08 - 00:24:23]
Yeah, this sounds like adult development, which is part of my graduate school focus. And you may be thinking that you're at that cliff ready to fall off, but if you'll just Take a few more steps. A beautiful vista can open up as you grow.[00:24:23 - 00:24:23]
We.[00:24:23 - 00:24:26]
We like to think of marriage as a growth machine.[00:24:26 - 00:24:33]
Was that wall. We kept beating our heads against that wall over and over and over again. We would have stepped through the wall with it. Like you said, that beautifulness is beyond that.[00:24:33 - 00:24:37]
It's an invitation into growth. It does not mean you're broken.[00:24:37 - 00:24:38]
Right.[00:24:38 - 00:24:45]
And even at our level, we were talking about this morning, we can't think. We've. We know it all. The moment we think we know it all, we're lost.[00:24:45 - 00:24:46]
Right.[00:24:46 - 00:24:59]
We have to keep growing and thinking, okay, there's more to learn. There's more to do. There's more to learn. I have to keep going. And I put myself in that camp of people who don't have it all figured out. I. I don't. But I want to learn.[00:24:59 - 00:25:00]
Yeah.[00:25:00 - 00:25:08]
And I think mess it up just as much. Once we talk about it, we tell everyone we can mess up the same amount. We just had some tools now to help fix it faster.[00:25:08 - 00:25:32]
Great. That's what we also say that a scintillating marriage is not a perfect one. It's one with lots of ups and downs. But that we do know how to repair and keep moving forward and intentionally put things in like the understanding of Eros. So thank you so much for sharing with us today. Can you tell us if people want to know more about what you do, where they can find you?[00:25:32 - 00:26:18]
Absolutely. We are on lankford life coaching.com langford is L A n G as in girl S o r D. Some people like to make it a K. That's actually g. Okay. Life coaching.com you can find actually our Undressing Intimacy podcast on there. It's also on Spotify and on YouTube. If you want to watch the video on our website, you can find a free consult button. We're always happy to meet with you. You can find articles and information and our favorite books. And you can always also email us@amynkfordvicecoaching.com we love to have conversations and to be in this dialogue of how to create intimate marriages.[00:26:19 - 00:26:19]
Wonderful.[00:26:19 - 00:26:20]
Thank you.[00:26:20 - 00:26:25]
Wonderful. Well, folks, that wraps up this episode of Marriage iq. Thanks for being with us.[00:26:26 - 00:26:34]
And remember, the intelligent spouse knows that to change from a stinky to a scintillating marriage first requires a change in themselves.[00:26:35 - 00:26:53]
We hope that today's episode with the Langfords has sparked some really great insights for you. We hope that you'll stay connected with us and keep that going through visiting our website marriageiq.com, looking us up on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube for more great content on this topic.[00:26:54 - 00:27:04]
Head on over to MarriageIQ.com to grab your free ebook on building a scintillating marriage and subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive tips, updates and resources.[00:27:05 - 00:27:15]
We hope you'll also invite your family and friends to join the Marriage IQ community. Keep exploring and we'll catch you next time on another exciting episode of Marriage iQ.
