Episode 96 - The Ultimate Marriage iQ Date Night Collection: By Season, Budget & Connection Level
Why Date Nights Matter More Than You Think
For more than thirty years, Scott and I have had a standing Friday night date. We’ve lived through seasons of diapers, residency schedules, medical on calls, tight budgets, and cross-country moves but that ritual never left.
Some nights we splurged on dessert at a fancy rotating restaurant. Other nights we split a $10 entree and wandered through a bookstore. The magic was never in the money. It was in the intentionality.
What we’ve experienced personally is also supported by research: couples who regularly spend time alone together report higher relationship satisfaction, better communication, and greater sexual connection than those who don’t. Date nights aren’t a luxury. They’re relationship maintenance.
What the Research Says About Date Night 💡
Studies from the National Marriage Project and related relationship research consistently point to a few clear truths.
Couples who set aside regular one-on-one time report stronger marriages and lower odds of divorce. In fact, couples who prioritize weekly couple time are significantly more likely to describe their marriages as “very happy” and far less likely to believe divorce is even a possibility.
Yet only about half of married couples actually do this consistently. In recent findings, just under 50% of married couples reported going on regular date nights. Those who did were 14–15 percentage points more likely to say they were deeply satisfied in their marriage.
Date nights matter even more when children are young. Longitudinal research shows that couples who maintained date nights when their children were between ages three and five reduced their risk of splitting up later by about 20%.
There’s also something powerful about novelty. Research rooted in the self-expansion model shows that doing new or slightly adventurous activities together boosts closeness and relationship satisfaction by disrupting boredom and routine. Thoughtfully planned date nights do exactly that.
And finally, intentional couple time doesn’t just improve emotional connection it also strengthens desire. Regular date nights are associated with higher sexual satisfaction, not just general happiness.
Date Nights, Marriage IQ Style
At Marriage IQ, we encourage couples to think about date nights through four core cornerstones: Identity, Intentionality, Insight, and Intimacy. When even one of these is present, connection deepens. When all four are nurtured over time, marriages flourish.
Identity is about getting to know yourself and your spouse all over again. One simple idea is a Then-and-Now Photo Adventure. Recreate an early photo from your relationship and talk about how you’ve grown individually and as a couple since that moment.
Intentionality means living by design instead of by default. Try a “Yes Day” date, where one spouse plans the adventure and the other agrees to say yes to every idea (within reason). It’s playful, freeing, and surprisingly revealing.
Insight invites you into each other’s inner world. Instead of defaulting to conversations about work or logistics, use thoughtful prompts. Tools like Dr. John Gottman’s Card Deck questions can guide you into meaningful conversation that builds understanding and empathy.
Intimacy sits at the heart of it all. Beyond physical closeness, intimacy is about emotional presence and shared play. Light a candle. Cook together blindfolded. Re-enact your first kiss (awkward laughter encouraged). These moments create safety, warmth, and connection.
Whether you’re newlyweds or thirty years in, these four dimensions help create what we call a scintillating marriage one that sparkles with curiosity, humor, and soul deep connection.
Make It Real
Schedule your next date night today. Pick one cornerstone Identity, Intentionality, Insight, or Intimacy and plan a date that strengthens it. Write it on your calendar in ink, not pencil. Treat it like the most important meeting of your week because it is.
Win a Date Night on Us
To celebrate couples who are investing in connection, Marriage IQ is giving away five $100 gift cards for you to use on your next date night dinner, a concert, or an adventure of your choice.
Enter by subscribing to Marriage IQ Weekly Tips at MarriageIQ.com. You’ll receive one-minute marriage insights each week, along with practical action steps you can try together.
Because the strongest marriages aren’t built through grand gestures.
They’re built one intentional Friday night at a time.
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Hello everyone, welcome back.
We are excited to see you, dot and Heidi Hastings, Marriage IQ and the Hastings Institute for Advanced Marital Studies.
And we are in Part 2 of our wonderful date night episode, sharing great date night ideas.
0:50
And this one is our ultimate marriage IQ date idea collection that we've put together just for you, our listeners.
0:58
That's right.
We want to remind you all that we do have a giveaway.
Yeah, we are giving away $100.00 gift card to five different people to enjoy their date night with their honey, to a restaurant, a concert, whatever it is, 100 bucks from the Hastings because we love you so much that we're wanting to give you stuff.
1:23
We want you to go on dates.
All you have to do to enter is subscribe on marriageiq.com under the Weekly Tips tab for getting our click e-mail.
They just take a minute every week to read through and then they have an action tip for you to do with your spouse so you can create a scintillating marriage.
1:44
So it takes you like 2 minutes.
Go to our website marriageiq.com, Click to subscribe, add your e-mail and you're done.
1:52
Yep, that's it.
1:54
Get your spouse to do it too so it double S your chances.
The contest ends on November 18th and the winners will be announced by November 28th.
2:04
OK, sounds good.
All right.
Today we are building upon our last episode about date nights and we are giving you some in the categories surrounding the seasons to make it really easy for you to pick some.
Because if we tell you things to do and it's cold and we've told you thing blow bubbles, go to the beach, whatever, that's not going to work for you.
2:25
So this is where you go as a resource.
We'll make a PDF to go with this of fun ideas in lots of different categories, seasons when you don't have a lot of money and when you're feeling disconnected from each other.
So here we go.
2:41
Let's dive right in.
And all of these tap into our four cornerstones of identity, intentionality, insight, and intimacy as the basis.
2:50
Connect Without Cost: Everyday Adventure Ideas
So our first topic is everyday adventures which are low cost and creative.
2:56
I like that.
2:57
So when you're wanting connection without spending a lot of money, but you still want it to feel special, this is where you can go.
We know what it's like to live on a tight budget.
We did it for many years, but we always made weekly date nights part of our budget.
Here are some ideas that are cost effective and creative without losing the fun.
3:18
First of all, an idea for an identity based date is how we met.
Scavenger Hunt.
Revisit the spots that shaped your your history and your story.
First date, first kiss, first restaurant, any event that you connected with, it doesn't matter, but go on a kind of a treasure hunt, but like a memory hunt, you are visiting, revisiting, even if it's not in the same city.
3:42
Some of the parts of your story that we're really instrumental in connecting you to, well.
3:49
And you could probably schedule a time to visit that city, right?
And when you're there, do this, do that date.
Yeah.
Everything that you did when you were first together.
3:59
Yep, and at each stop, share one one thing about being there that you'd forgotten and that helps you remember and connect more deeply with each other.
4:09
I like that.
OK, this one's called the Favorites Exchange.
Each person chooses a favorite song, snack, and short video clip to share.
They talk about why you love it so much.
4:22
OK, so you're saying all three things.
You share a song, you share a video clip.
And what was the other one?
A snack.
A snack, OK.
4:31
So my snacks are cheez its and it's probably going to be a video clip from Shrek somewhere.
Yep.
4:38
Lots of laughs from Shrek.
I think that's your favorite movie.
All right?
If you want something that doesn't cost a lot, that is intentional.
Using that cornerstone, we love the idea of a Dream Jar date.
Each of you will write down 10 mini dreams for dates and it could include things like weekend hikes, home projects, recipes, something that you want to do between the two of you and then commit to draw one each week and actually do it as part of your date night.
5:12
I like it.
5:13
And that doesn't have to be every time, but if you did one of those a month, I think that'd be pretty cool.
5:17
Yeah, another intentional date is the gratitude walk.
Take a sunset walk and share three small things you're grateful for about your spouse this week.
5:28
We like doing that.
5:29
Yeah, the simple, easy, free.
5:31
Yeah, moving on to insight in the creative and cheap category is looking at you in 10 years.
Describe each other's future selves, what you think you'll be like in 10 years, and then discuss what habits or dreams could actually make that real.
5:50
So, spoiler alerts, you're not going to be anything like you are now in 10 years.
5:55
Yeah.
5:56
I mean there might be some things the same but.
5:58
So here's another idea.
Swap stories with each other about some kind of a small shame that you'd experienced in your youth, and practice gentle, empathetic listening.
This really helps be intentional by practicing those listening skills.
6:15
And it doesn't have to be a highly shameful kind of a thing, but if you are showing empathy through small things, then when the big things hit, it'll be a little bit easier to know how to navigate those.
6:29
Well, I will just say I was very skinny and scrawny and people made fun of me because of that.
And yeah, that was hard on me when I was a kid.
6:41
I'm sorry, I need that.
6:43
I'm not scrawny now.
6:44
If only you could have seen then, but you would be now.
That had to be really hard.
That sounds really tough.
I can tell from the way you're saying that that it weighed really heavily upon you then.
6:56
Well, it did for a while, but thank goodness I don't live my entire life as a child.
Yeah, for a teen.
7:04
So let's move on to intimacy.
How about a do it Yourself spa night where you.
7:10
Sounds fun, yeah?
7:11
Hot towels straight out of the dryer or hot wet face towels from the microwave.
You like candles?
You have massage oil and a really slow romantic.
7:22
Playlist Playlist.
7:23
And no agenda, just.
7:26
Being with each other.
7:27
Being with each other and setting the best stage for having a little romance.
7:31
I like it.
7:33
Here's another idea going the romantic route as well.
7:37
Yeah, the candlelight take out.
Turn off the lights, put away the phones, make take out.
Feel like you are just the two of you together in darkness with the candlelight.
7:51
Very romantic.
7:53
Snuggle Up: Warmth & Depth for Winter Dates
Yeah.
All right, so that's the cheap category.
Now we're going to move to the cozy winter date ideas where we want to set a perfect atmosphere for those cold evenings when you want warmth, when you want depth, when you want snuggling.
8:10
So we're going to start folks with identity on this a book swap fireside.
Each spouse chooses a book that's shaped them like in their youth, something that they really liked.
8:23
Or that we've read recently.
8:24
And they trade and they read the intro aloud to each other.
So it allows you to connect on a cold winter nights in a warm cozy living room and read the other spouse really likes.
Another one is a heritage cook off.
8:42
We talked a little bit about the heritage cook off earlier, but this is that instead of making the dish from your childhood, you make a dish from your family or culture and tell a related story.
8:55
So all of my ancestors come from Europe and I don't think I've ever made dishes from Europe.
So that would be something pretty.
9:03
Cool to do, yeah.
9:04
Good idea.
9:05
That's great.
9:06
So for those cold winter days, how can we be more intentional on a date?
Well, we talk a lot on Marriage IQ about setting goals, but this time we're going to make it kind of fun by setting goals by candlelight.
9:22
So reflect on your year together, reflect on what you want to happen.
And this will be really great in December, January, when it's getting close to the beginning of the year.
And set those goals in a really romantic kind of an atmosphere.
9:39
I'll bet your goals will be better thought of.
9:44
Heidi
Yeah, you're.
9:44
Going to be more motivated.
They'll not be.
9:47
Heidi
This heavy, oh, we got to do it, but they'll be associated with good feelings.
So and set those intentions for the year.
9:54
So what about some other winter date ideas?
9:58
Heidi
I was listening on a podcast not long ago about a woman that recommends reviewing finances with wine and candles.
Again, something very similar that you're making it really a romantic atmosphere that you're building a shared dream.
10:19
Now, we don't drink.
You might, we might do it a little bit differently than that, but we could definitely do it with candles and music and having just shared a nice romantic meal together.
But setting those finance goals in that atmosphere, according to her, makes all of the difference.
10:39
We used to drink the Martinelli's, right, the fake champagne.
We don't even do that anymore.
It's just water.
10:47
Heidi
Sparkling water.
10:48
Sometimes.
10:49
Heidi
Flavored sparkling.
10:50
If we're in a good mood, right?
Yeah.
So that's great.
10:54
Heidi
So here's one for an insight date for those cold wintry months.
Watch a documentary together.
So we watch movies together from time to time, but we don't as often watch the documentary.
So this will help us use our brains and find those thought provoking ideas and then pause part way through the documentary to talk about what are our different opinions of what we're seeing, what we're learning.
11:24
Just what are some of?
11:24
Heidi
The perspectives going.
11:25
Through our heads right now.
Like, do we agree?
Do we disagree?
What's going on?
Yep.
11:30
Heidi
And it may stir up some feelings of emotion or whatever.
Let's talk about those.
OK, here's one more.
Now, as most of you know from a recent episode, both of my parents died recently.
And as I was going through their home, the things I think that were most valuable long term were the letters that they'd written to each other.
11:48
And so for this idea, how about right what I appreciate about you lately, letter love note to each other and then read it to each other and then put it somewhere special that it'll be kept for many, many years.
12:04
So these, these sound like date night ideas that you're probably not going to do often.
These are probably pretty special, right?
Yep.
Well, and that kind of brings up to the point that sometimes we do date nights that extend over a weekend, right?
12:19
Like we'll actually travel somewhere, we'll spend the night and we kind of fold that into our marriage retreat sometimes and make a weekend out of it.
12:29
Heidi
Thanks for sharing that.
So for intimacy in those winter months, how about slow dancing in the kitchen or wherever you want?
We do it in the kitchen quite often and.
12:41
It helps that we take dance lessons.
Got to practice right?
12:45
Heidi
A lot of couples did dancing before they got married and then it just stops after they have made those vows with each other so.
12:55
We've gone dancing every week for the last.
12:58
Heidi
4 1/2.
12:59
Years and a half years.
Well, unless we're traveling, but most of the time.
13:04
Heidi
But it it doesn't matter what kind of dancing you do, but just slow and intimate.
Choose one song at least each that captures how you feel about your relationship right now and dance barefoot.
We love doing this and it is very intimate.
13:21
Yeah, just don't step on each other's feet, right?
Here's another idea, Heidi, the stay in challenge.
You create your own 5 course evening, an appetizer, a game, a story, a cuddle and a dessert.
13:36
And you're doing it.
You're planning it.
Head in advance.
What do you think about that?
13:42
Heidi
I think that sounds great.
All right.
13:44
Renew Your Love: Growth-Focused Spring Dates
