Episode 51. Live Happy: How to Move From Stagnation to Scintillation
The Live Happy List: A Proven Tool for Marital Resilience
In the pursuit of marital happiness, we often find ourselves caught in a paradox: the more we chase it, the more elusive it becomes. As a researcher and educator studying couples' dynamics, I've observed that true happiness in marriage often emerges when we shift our focus from pursuit to intention.
Recently, my husband Scott and I reflected on a powerful tool we've used in our own marriage and with our family for over a decade: the Live Happy List. This simple yet effective approach has helped us navigate through some of the most challenging periods of our lives, including financial struggles, parenting difficulties, and major life transitions.
We didn’t set out to create a happiness list. Honestly, we were just trying to survive.
After moving from a close-knit community in Arizona to Texas, our world felt like it was falling apart. We experienced financial uncertainty rocked our new medical practice. Our home and business back in Arizona sat unsold, hanging over us like a cloud. Our children were struggling with deep mental and physical health challenges. And within our family, spiritual and identity questions stirred up even more confusion and pain.
It was one of the hardest seasons of our lives. And then—out of nowhere—I felt a quiet, persistent message: “Just be happy.”
At first, it felt absurd. How could we possibly just be happy in the middle of everything falling apart? But that whisper became a challenge… and eventually, a lifeline. It became the birth of our family’s Live Happy List—a way to find and create moments of joy, even when life felt impossibly heavy.
Want to make your own Live Happy List? Here’s how we do it:
✅Make it a team effort – Grab your spouse, partner, or kids. Everyone gets a voice.
✅Choose your season – We create new lists each Fall, Winter, Spring, and Summer.
✅Brainstorm freely – Mix in small joys (like ice cream dates), medium adventures (like a museum trip), and big dreams (like a weekend getaway).
✅Make it visible – Write it on a poster or foam board and hang it where everyone sees it daily.
✅Check them off as you go – Each checkmark becomes a memory, a celebration, a reminder that joy is still possible.
This isn’t just a list. It’s a mindset shift. A family ritual. A tool for healing, connection, and shared joy.
And the best part? You don’t have to wait for life to calm down. In fact, maybe that’s exactly when you need it most.
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Welcome to Marriage iQ, the podcast for the intelligent spouse.[00:00:08 - 00:00:10]
I'm Dr. Heidi Hastings.[00:00:10 - 00:00:12]
And I'm Dr. Scott Hastings.[00:00:13 - 00:00:49]
We are two doctors, two researchers, two spouses, two lovers, and two incredibly different human beings coming together for one purpose. To transform the stinky parts of your marriage into scintillating ones using intelligence mixed with a little fun. Hello, lovers, and welcome back to another episode of Marriage iq. We're so glad that you've joined us this week, and we have some really cool stuff to share with you. Scott, I just have a question for you.[00:00:49 - 00:00:50]
Yes, my love?[00:00:51 - 00:00:56]
Have you been happy at every point during the 29 years of our marriage?[00:00:57 - 00:01:01]
Of course, my love. And of course.[00:01:01 - 00:01:04]
And I see your nose growing there a little bit.[00:01:04 - 00:01:04]
Yes.[00:01:05 - 00:01:22]
I would say overall, we've been really happy during our marriage, but certainly we've both probably had some times where we weren't happy with how each other handled things or some of our behaviors or words. Would you agree? Disagree. Tell me what you think.[00:01:22 - 00:01:36]
Yeah, I think just like any good marriage, you're gonna have ups and downs. There's gonna be times when you're not completely happy. Right. But what does happiness even mean?[00:01:36 - 00:01:37]
That's a good question.[00:01:38 - 00:01:50]
I know. In a future episode, we're gonna talk about a deep dive into happiness and the science of happiness. How we define it, how it seems to elude those of us who chase it.[00:01:50 - 00:01:51]
Sure.[00:01:52 - 00:03:20]
Chasing happiness is like chasing butterflies in a field on a Saturday afternoon. The more you seek for them, the more they seem to just be outside of your reach until you stop focusing on the butterfly itself and allow yourself to be swept in by your surroundings. Simply observing your surroundings and noticing trees, the bark, the branches, the leaves, the grass, the rocks, the sky, how clouds make formations in the sky. You hear the faint chirping of birds off in the distance, off on some treetop across the horizon. You feel the breeze on your skin and notice the warmth of the sun on your face. And you take a big, deep breath in and let it out slowly, neutrally, humbly. You allow all of these sensations to combine together and wash over you like a beautifully soft, bubbly wave until you notice, just in your peripheral vision, that the butterfly you had been so intensely chasing just a little while before has now reappeared and is resting softly on your shoulder.[00:03:20 - 00:03:37]
That sounds like Mindfulness 101 to me. But seriously, after several days of rain and darkness around here, that exact exercise that you're talking about really does help us feel much happier, doesn't it?[00:03:37 - 00:03:55]
Yeah, I think a lot of what we talk about what we're trying to communicate with people is learning to live in a more mindful state. And that helps, really, with learning how to be happier.[00:03:55 - 00:04:29]
Okay, well, today we want to talk to you about a little secret trick or hack, if you will, that we've used in our family for the last dozen years. And it has been an intentional way to bring more happiness into our lives to allow us to feel more happy as individuals, as spouses, and also, especially when we had our children at home, our entire family. So we're going to share with you our Hastings family live Happy lists.[00:04:30 - 00:04:31]
Well, first.[00:04:32 - 00:04:48]
Oh, I guess you want me to give a little plug here. Okay. If you insert, I'll do it here. At Marriage iq, we get really excited about seeing people gain insight. We're definitely not into this for the money.[00:04:48 - 00:04:49]
Nope.[00:04:49 - 00:06:02]
But this is a passionate labor of love on our part to each of you. I hate to interrupt you like this, but we'd absolutely love it if you could follow us on whatever podcast platform you're listening on and leave us a rating so other people can find us there, either on Spotify, Apple, Audible, wherever it is that you listen and then subscribe as well. If you're watching us on our YouTube channel, we'd love you to like us and subscribe there and do the same on our social media handles. If we don't deserve your five star rating, email us. We want to hear why not. Our email is hellorriageiq.com we'll be sure to respond back to you, and we'd also love to get any feedback that you want to give us about what you love about marriage IQ or how it might be helping your marriage. If you can think of just one person right now who might like our unique, educational, quirky, and hopefully intelligent approach to living your most scintillating life, then copy a link to this episode and send it to them. That's all we ask. Just push pause and do it now. We'll wait a second for you.[00:06:04 - 00:06:54]
All right, I'd like to share a little story with you. A decade ago, we were living in a rural community nestled in the tops of the White Mountains on the eastern border of Arizona, near New Mexico. The White Mountains really contain a small group of towns strung together. We lived there for 10 years. We did a lot of our living and growing and loving and learning in the White Mountains of Arizona. All the preconceived notions you have about Arizona, if you're not from there, they're totally thrown upside down. When you go to show low winters in XOLO can be brutally cold and very unforgiving. And snow drifts after a big winter storm can reach several feet deep.[00:06:54 - 00:07:03]
Yeah, I remember having two and three foot snow storms. Yeah, it was crazy. Couldn't get out for several days, locked.[00:07:03 - 00:08:13]
In the house, couldn't get out of the driveway. I'd call my friends with four wheel drives and they'd get me to work. In the summer the population literally triples when all the sunbirds, that's what we call them, migrate north to escape the sweltering heat that settles into the Phoenix Metro Valley like a dense cloud. Temperatures in show low can be up to 30 degrees cooler than in Phoenix. Think about it. 110 down in the Valley, you drive three hours northeast and now it's about 80 degrees. Pretty nice in the White Mountains. Let me tell you. That is compelling for a lot of people who want to cool off. I had a successful medical practice in Xolo and we lived there 10 years. I enjoy the fruits of my labors. We had a mid sized local hospital in which I felt very rewarded by working in the ER when we had first moved up there, rounding on inpatients, working in the icu, performing colonoscopies and occasionally running codes and then having our.[00:08:13 - 00:08:16]
Own family practice office as well.[00:08:16 - 00:08:34]
That's right. We were both well known in the small rural community and I think well liked as well. We had a lot of good friends. Then after 10 years in this idyllic mountaintop community, it was time to leave for Texas.[00:08:36 - 00:09:15]
Well, let me tell you, that was not an easy thing. I'm coming to learn lately, Scott, that moving is one of those life transition events that can be highly traumatic for people for quite a while. Yep, it was really, really hard for us for three or four years. The person that was supposed to set us up with insurances for our new doctor's office that we were building and opening in Frisco, Texas, forgot. And that's a process that takes several months. So it took a year of living off co pays and I basically worked.[00:09:15 - 00:09:18]
For free for like a year and a half.[00:09:18 - 00:09:45]
It was pretty crazy. Our house in Arizona didn't sell. Our business in Arizona didn't sell. We had someone working in our clinic there or a couple of people that it just didn't go well without us being there. At the same time we were having really intensely difficult things going on with some of our kids. We had some mental health issues. We had a child with physical health problems.[00:09:45 - 00:09:51]
We had a child with autism, Asperger's.[00:09:52 - 00:10:31]
We had a kiddo with Some challenges that were greatly, greatly exasperated by change. A couple of kids deciding that their religious and spiritual ideals were different than ours. And we were not prepared for that. A child who let us know that she was gay. And at the time, it was just one thing after another. And since we've learned to embrace and love our children wherever they're at in life now, at that time, it was so hard. It was crazy times for us.[00:10:31 - 00:10:58]
Yeah, it was brutal, to say the least. A lot of feelings of anger, frustration, sorrow, loss, humiliation. A lot of fear, angst. Yeah, I just remember we'd been here maybe six months thinking, you know, if I can pull out of this financial turmoil, I could really like it here. There's a lot here to like.[00:10:58 - 00:12:54]
If I could pull out of this parenting turmoil and all of the other aspects of things going on, I could probably really like it here. But I do remember one year in particular, just dark and black. And it came the end of the year when it was time to make a yearly photo album for our family, our photo books that we do. And I just thought, oh, I'm dreading this. There was nothing good that happened this whole entire year. And as I started going through pictures that we'd taken throughout the year, I was shocked. Wow. There were good things that happened. There were positive things that happened, but it was still really, really hard. And I pondered and I thought and I prayed a lot about, how can I navigate this? And I remember very distinctly one day the thought very vividly coming to my mind, just be happy. It seemed like a divine intervention. And I said back, but there's nothing to be happy about. And then over the next couple of days, that same message came a couple of times. And so I started on a mission to learn how to find happiness in dark and difficult times. And it started by noticing a blade of grass coming out after the winter, or a dandelion growing in the middle of the sidewalk crack. Or finding humorous things at the grocery store, like seeing a friend with her six children hanging off the grocery cart, and they were having a wonderful time and just breaking down and crying as I saw that and saw the joy in just a simple thing like that.[00:12:54 - 00:13:38]
And I remember, too, as a man, one of the things that's just driven into my DNA is to be able to provide for my family. And that felt threatened for a period of about three years. You talk about your level of sorrow and even some depression, just feeling down. As a mother, I felt that as a provider, feeling like I'm not able to provide for my family. And I think that did cause some trauma to some of our kids. But interesting. We're able to look back and find happiness, find joy in some of those really deep dark moments, right?[00:13:38 - 00:14:22]
So it wasn't long after that I was listening on social media somewhere and heard a woman named Kelly Jensen talk about their family's live lists where they just stop saying no, stop being depressed and they just find little and big things that are just fun that tie the family together. Given the divine message that I had that I needed to just be happy, we decided to call it the Live Happy List. We started out that first year having a family meeting, family council where we brainstormed about things that we wanted to do as a family to help us.[00:14:22 - 00:14:46]
Feel more joy and to be more cohesive. I remember again, like there's so many things here in the Dallas area to do. I just remember thinking, I'm not making any money, but I wanted to go enjoy some things, right? And I just remember thinking, I don't have to be depressed all the time because I'm not making anything. I, I can go out and do stuff that's fun and enjoyable, right?[00:14:46 - 00:14:59]
So we bought one of those pieces of foam poster board for 50 cents and got a marker and just made little check boxes on it where we put down the things that we decided upon as a family.[00:14:59 - 00:15:14]
So live happy list and then the season, right? Fall, spring, summer and the year. And then we'd go through and just write out whatever we want there, right?[00:15:16 - 00:15:27]
So we put it right by our fireplace. Decor wise, it wasn't really anything fancy, it was just a checklist. Our daughter that has the best handwriting would make it look better than we.[00:15:27 - 00:15:37]
Sat around as a family. Everyone had an equal voice here and we're like, okay, what do you guys want to do this season? Just brainstorm, throw it out. Nothing's off the table.[00:15:37 - 00:15:45]
We do it by season because you're not going to have hot chocolate in July, most likely, or build snowmen in May.[00:15:46 - 00:15:52]
And I think the kids really loved this because they felt they had some power in the family, they had a voice in it.[00:15:53 - 00:16:16]
And we did try to do a lot of small things, a lot of medium sized things and some big things to shoot for. We didn't have any idea if we'd really be able to do them, but we wanted to try. Some of the things that we put on our list over the years were really simple. Like one year we put that we wanted to have a family dance where we just were wild and crazy dancing to some of our Favorite songs, have.[00:16:16 - 00:16:19]
A little speaker, put on some music and dance.[00:16:19 - 00:16:25]
That year we also ran a couple of 5Ks, which that was a stretch for us. We hadn't really done that before.[00:16:25 - 00:16:28]
It was fun. It was cohesive. I loved it.[00:16:28 - 00:16:39]
Did it for several years after that. Some other things that were simple were just hammocking or playing in the leaves in the fall or going to a.[00:16:39 - 00:16:51]
50S diner at 2:00am yeah, that's fun. It wasn't hard to do. It's fun to just put that little checkbox right next to it and you get the easy ones done. You feel like you're accomplishing something.[00:16:51 - 00:16:55]
Watching sunsets together, everybody getting out their.[00:16:55 - 00:16:59]
Ukuleles and spamming the ukulele concert.[00:17:00 - 00:17:12]
Sometimes we had really simple things like blowing bubbles because we knew that no matter what, we could check that off. That would be an easy one. Or dancing and singing to One Direction or High School Musical.[00:17:12 - 00:17:16]
That really dates us. Right. One Direction, High School Musical.[00:17:16 - 00:17:23]
Oh, we did in our family last a little bit longer with One Direction than probably most people did.[00:17:23 - 00:17:24]
Oh, the good old days. Right.[00:17:25 - 00:17:40]
Some of the things that we put on our list were just plain fun. Almost every season we had building fires on our back patio and making s'mores and just sitting out there with a guitar and singing.[00:17:40 - 00:17:57]
And the last house, we had a little porch. We put some of those kind of mood lights across. We strung them across. We had a little fire pit. And at night we'd go out, light a fire and sing songs. Those were some good times. We weren't making any money, but they were some good memories.[00:17:57 - 00:18:02]
Six Flags would often show up on there. We have a Six Flags amusement park near us.[00:18:02 - 00:18:09]
Well, and I get horribly nauseated. I get busy watching other people on a merry go round. That's how sensitive I am. So.[00:18:09 - 00:18:10]
But you did it.[00:18:10 - 00:18:18]
You put on your couches my meclizine and my wristbands. I was good to go. Yeah, for most of the day.[00:18:19 - 00:18:25]
Another fun thing was just dancing in Frisco Square. Very close to where we live now.[00:18:25 - 00:18:27]
Frisco, Texas, is a fun place to be.[00:18:27 - 00:18:48]
Lots of lights, white lights around. And at Christmas time, lots of Christmas lights around. It was fun watching Star wars marathon or a Christmas symphony or doing a Hallmark marathon. Those are some of the fun things that we do. How about adventure? Can you share some of the adventurous things you remember doing?[00:18:48 - 00:19:10]
Well, one live happy list that we did several years ago was a night in a hotel with games and we ended up getting on Priceline. I think it was a garden inn for $25 a night. We were making anybody's $25 a night. And when we got there, I don't think they knew that we were just like the cheapo rate. So they put us in the suite.[00:19:13 - 00:19:16]
Two of them. We had two, right?[00:19:16 - 00:19:24]
We had got two rooms. Yes, because it was the four kids. As New Year's Eve, we went to the mall, we went ice skating. It was a blast.[00:19:24 - 00:19:50]
And speaking of adventure, your sharing, that reminds me of the time after our kids had gone, when you and I were still doing some of these things just as a couple, when we wanted to have the best New Year's Eve ever. And so we determined that that would be going to Times Square in New York City. The only time that we've ever done that. It was highly adventurous.[00:19:50 - 00:19:50]
Yes.[00:19:51 - 00:19:52]
Like, you have to wear diapers.[00:19:53 - 00:19:55]
They don't let you go to the bathroom for 12 hours.[00:19:57 - 00:20:07]
And luckily it wasn't freezing cold, but it was raining the whole night. And you basically can't sit down. And after barely in your teeny, tiny little spot for a few minutes, 12.[00:20:08 - 00:20:22]
Hours in line, you get to know the people around you. We met some really cool people from Australia and everywhere. New York City and Portugal, like, all over. It was massive humanity. I think we're not doing that again.[00:20:22 - 00:20:39]
It was great to check it off, too, and say that we'd done it. I think when we had just Hunter at home, our youngest at home, we put on there that we wanted to have a beach vacation. So that was a lot of fun. So what are some of the cultural things that you remember putting on?[00:20:39 - 00:20:52]
Well, we are very culturally oriented people. I love symphonies. I love arboretums. I love all that stuff. I love arts and theater. And I'm glad you do, too.[00:20:53 - 00:20:57]
If you're sports fan, you might adjust some of these because these wouldn't end.[00:20:57 - 00:21:21]
Up on our live happy lists. I mean, you make your own. If you like sports, that's great. We like culture. The twelve days of Christmas at the arboretum. The Bass Music hall in Fort Worth, which we finally got to, and we love. It's awesome. The Dallas Symphony, way back when we first moved here, Dallas Greek Festival with our family. A lot of fun.[00:21:21 - 00:22:13]
Yeah, just things around the community that are fun. So some of the things that we had on our list over the years have required a bit of work and organization. And we really worked hard to let the kids take the lead on those, especially if it was their idea. And as part of that, we on every list tried to have something that allowed our family to serve Other people. That was really important to us. So I remember one year, Emily decided she wanted to make Christmas stockings for the homeless down in Dallas. And she invited several friends, some people from church, to join us with this activity. Some of them, it was the only time that they had been down near homeless people. Yeah. And that's something that quite often for.[00:22:13 - 00:22:14]
A lot of people, we took blankets.[00:22:14 - 00:22:50]
And we took Christmas stockings. And she had to do a lot of organizing. I think we got dollar tree stockings and then fill them with some food things, with some hygiene types of items and some gift cards and different things. It was really great. So impactful to just drive through downtown and find the homeless populations and give them a hug and let them know that they were loved and cared about and ask them if they needed a blanket, too. So super meaningful. Probably one of the more meaningful ones.[00:22:51 - 00:22:56]
I know a couple of years we had Conquer the World as part of our Live Happy list.[00:22:56 - 00:22:58]
I guess we haven't done that one yet.[00:22:58 - 00:23:01]
That still hasn't been checked off yet.[00:23:01 - 00:23:09]
Yeah, that's true. Some of the things that we put on our Live Happy list have really stretched us.[00:23:10 - 00:23:27]
So we had some books we wanted to read. One of them is Love Warrior. We had a little book club just between us. One year we put Honor Live Happiness to buy a grand piano, and we were able to check that off. I'm so pleased.[00:23:27 - 00:23:31]
Did it end up on more than one? Since we do it by seasons, I.[00:23:31 - 00:23:38]
Have to go back and look. Yeah, we spent. We both spent hours just kind of combing through them Today. I don't remember that was on it more than once.[00:23:38 - 00:23:40]
We don't still have the lists, but.[00:23:40 - 00:23:43]
We took pictures of them and they're in their iPhones now.[00:23:43 - 00:23:52]
I found several of them, not all of them, but. Yeah, that was one that was very happy for you to tuck off because that had been a goal of yours for many years.[00:23:53 - 00:23:58]
And another one was Hunter's Eagle Scout project. That was a stretch, let me tell you.[00:23:58 - 00:24:19]
For weeks. For weeks, his Eagle Scout project was to go all over the North Dallas area collecting junker bikes from people who were willing to donate them. I think he ended up. Do you remember how many he had? 130 or something?[00:24:19 - 00:24:21]
Oh, yeah. I don't know. It was a lot.[00:24:21 - 00:25:28]
And then. Yeah. So he'd go around in our minivan and a trailer on the back collecting these bikes for those who didn't want to drop them by our house. And he had a man at a local bike store that said he would teach him how to Fix the bikes, help him with some of the supplies. And then he got the other scouts to help him repair all the bikes. When they were finished, they took all of the bikes down to the refugee populations here in Dallas. One thing interesting about Dallas, it's a great city, but we don't really have a good transportation system for those who don't have cars. And so a lot of the refugees were having to get up at 4 o'clock in the morning to walk to their jobs. He provided so many refugees with the ability to get to their jobs much more quickly. They didn't have to pay for gas, and we even had a few smaller kid ones that he was able to bless some families with. So he worked with Refugee Services of Texas on that project, and it was huge.[00:25:28 - 00:25:31]
That was a good one. That was a good one to cross off there.[00:25:31 - 00:25:32]
Yeah, that was very happy.[00:25:32 - 00:25:39]
But, Heidi, what if you don't get all the stuff done? What if you have some boxes that are not checked at the end of the season?[00:25:39 - 00:25:43]
We had that happen every season.[00:25:44 - 00:25:45]
We never got 100%.[00:25:45 - 00:26:13]
We. We were very competitive in trying to do it and reminding each other. And so one year, I remember we'd been hit especially hard financially, and one of our goals had to do with traveling to Hershey Park, Pennsylvania, and we just were not able to pull it together. We had another goal on there, to go to the Four Corners area with Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona, and stand in four states at the same.[00:26:13 - 00:26:15]
Time and do a bike ride there, too.[00:26:15 - 00:26:56]
Yeah. And so we were feeling towards the end of the season really discouraged about that. And the thought just came to me, let's just be creative. How can we be flexible in doing this in a way that will still allow us to check off that box? So we decided instead to go to a park near our home, Accord park, to take chocolate bars with us and just have fun on all of the different little kid equipment. We took a lot of fun pictures just doing crazy things on the equipment, showing Hershey bars with everything.[00:26:57 - 00:27:19]
So the other thing we did, instead of driving to the Four Corners, which we could not do, we got out some sidewalk chalk and we put it on the sidewalk. We drew out the shapes of Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, and Utah all together. And we stood in the middle of it and took pictures and we rode.[00:27:19 - 00:27:20]
Our bikes around in a circle so.[00:27:20 - 00:27:40]
We could say that we did our bike ride. Yeah. So. Yeah. Is that cheating? Well, I don't know. It was fun. We. We may do in a situation that we could not do the way we originally planned, and we had a lot of fun doing it. We were able to check it off, and we've got some good memories on that.[00:27:41 - 00:27:45]
So I would say that's one of our kids very favorite Live Happy List experience.[00:27:46 - 00:28:11]
Yeah. They remember those experiences with great fondness when we talk about them. So, Heidi, let me see if I get this right here. If I'm just starting out, I need to go down to Dollar Tree. I need to get like a dollar foam board. Maybe it's two or three dollars now with the tariffs. I don't know. We'll see at a big marker and write Live Happy List on the top.[00:28:11 - 00:28:15]
You could get stickers, too. If you're really feeling generous that day.[00:28:15 - 00:28:41]
Write it across the top and then just sit there with your spouse or your family, say, okay, let's brainstorm. What are some things we can do this next quarter, this next year, however long. And then you just put a little square by each one. And then you check it off as you do it. And in real time, you keep it in your living room so you. Everyone can see it. Everyone knows what they're going for. Is that right?[00:28:42 - 00:28:42]
Yeah.[00:28:42 - 00:28:48]
Make a list that has some easy ones, some hard ones, some real stretching ones, some adventurous ones.[00:28:48 - 00:28:59]
I would probably recommend giving every person in your family at least one. They get to choose so everyone feels like their voice is heard.[00:28:59 - 00:29:10]
And I think we averaged maybe just looking back, what 20 to 30 or so that we had per quarter, which is a lot. You could do a dozen, you could do 10 or 12. You could do however many you want.[00:29:10 - 00:29:11]
Making homemade.[00:29:11 - 00:29:15]
That's how many we had. I think we had somewhere around 20 on average.[00:29:15 - 00:29:25]
Yeah. We haven't done a Live Happy list on a piece of foam board since our kids left. Now we do it as part of our couples councils and our marriage retreats.[00:29:25 - 00:29:26]
They're called marriage goals.[00:29:26 - 00:29:34]
Yeah. And we put in the same kinds of things. Big things, small things. Some of the big things we've done.[00:29:35 - 00:29:39]
Fiji, New Zealand, Austria.[00:29:40 - 00:29:41]
Yep.[00:29:41 - 00:29:42]
New York City for New Year's Eve.[00:29:43 - 00:30:11]
Yeah. Like we talked about. Some of the other goals that we have are like mindful holding with each other, Just spending two or three minutes holding each other when Scott walks in the door from work, going on nightly walks together. Some of our weekly goals are couples councils reviewing our budget, doing Gottman card decks app during Friday night, date night, going to the gym at least twice a week together. And then we have some quarterly goals.[00:30:11 - 00:30:21]
Like symphony, going to our marriage retreat once a quarter. I know our annual goals coming up. Very exciting. Like Christmas markets in Europe.[00:30:22 - 00:30:27]
Doing a week long Deep work retreat. Work on some special projects.[00:30:27 - 00:30:31]
Inaugural deep work retreat coming up in a couple of weeks. I'm excited.[00:30:31 - 00:31:02]
We also have a goal this year to finish reading the bonds that make us free. But last night, as we were thinking about doing this episode today, we decided to go back to our paper version of a Live Happy list for this summer. Can you remember some of the things that we talked about putting on our summer 2025 live happy list? Looking at the stars, watching sunsets and sunrises. Try skinny dipping.[00:31:02 - 00:31:03]
Oh yes.[00:31:03 - 00:31:21]
We don't have a pool. I don't know where that will happen. We might have to buy a little one and take it to a dark field somewhere. What are some of the other things we had on there? Going to an outdoor concert, watching a great fourth of July fireworks show.[00:31:21 - 00:31:44]
But aren't Live Happy List just another box to check? I think you should live life freely, openly as it comes to you, not be stuck by checking more boxes. Well, that's a good question. I challenge you to stop looking at unfulfilled goals and boxes as a failure and start looking at them as opportunities.[00:31:44 - 00:31:49]
For growth and opportunities to be more intentional.[00:31:50 - 00:31:57]
Yeah, Live Happy lists are necessary but not sufficient in and of themselves to create happiness.[00:31:57 - 00:32:04]
Are they really necessary or are they just one way, a good way?[00:32:04 - 00:32:18]
Well, we're educating that living your best life requires intentionality, and this is being intentional. So do you disagree with that?[00:32:18 - 00:32:23]
Well, I don't think it's necessary, but I think it's effective.[00:32:24 - 00:32:30]
Okay. Well, I would say it's necessary but not sufficient.[00:32:31 - 00:32:33]
And we can agree to disagree on that.[00:32:33 - 00:32:37]
Well, it is one example of living intentionally.[00:32:37 - 00:32:38]
I would agree with that.[00:32:38 - 00:32:44]
And intentionality is necessary but not sufficient for a happy life.[00:32:44 - 00:32:45]
Absolutely.[00:32:45 - 00:33:12]
Living life off the cuff, living in the moment, that's not sufficient either. It's necessary to have fun and let down, of course. But when you combine these two intentional goal setting with visions and living in the moment together as equal partners, then you can experience an explosion. Feelings of joy, contentment, and yes, even happiness.[00:33:12 - 00:33:42]
It really brings us together as a couple and as a family. So people feel like they have a say in the family, a voice. Everyone gets to choose something to put on the list and maybe even everybody gets to choose something to take off the list if you come up with enough different ideas. This allows couples and families to become more cohesive because they are common goals. Don't expect these feelings of happiness to just continue all the time though.[00:33:42 - 00:34:07]
Just get geared up for the next mountain vista that happiness brings. Learn to enjoy it and laugh. So this brings us back around. What can you do this week as an individual to live happier? Make a personal Live Happy List for yourself. Intentionally sit down with yourself and yes, talk to yourself. It's okay. It actually is great. Put it somewhere prominent so you can.[00:34:07 - 00:34:26]
Review it often and then do it as a couple. Make a couple or a family Live Happy List. Document it, formalize it, spend a dollar. Or like Scott said now too with the tariffs maybe. And get that foam board out and start writing.[00:34:27 - 00:35:13]
And this brings us back to our four cornerstones. Identity Doing a Live Happy List can define more of who you are by having you write down what you want to do. Intentionality Sitting down with your spouse, yourself, your family. Putting pen to paper. Making it happen. Making that goal Insight. As you live your Live Happy List, you get to learn more about who you are and how you want to change to become better. And my favorite intimacy. Creating shared goals together really helps cement that relationship with each other, even if they're small goals. And it creates new opportunities for growth.[00:35:13 - 00:35:21]
Well everybody, that wraps up this episode of Marriage iq. We're really glad that you spent today with us.[00:35:21 - 00:35:30]
And remember, the intelligent spouse knows that to change from a stinky to a scintillating marriage first requires a change in themselves.[00:35:30 - 00:35:40]
We hope that today's episode sparked some great insights, but why stop here? Follow Marriage IQ on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube.[00:35:41 - 00:36:03]
Head on over to MarriageIQ.com to grab your free ebook on building a scintillating marriage and subscribe to our newsletter for exclusive tips, updates and resources. Invite your family and friends to join the Marriage IQ community. Keep exploring and we'll catch you next time on another exciting episode of Marriage iq.[00:36:04 - 00:36:04]
See you everybody.
